Another year is over. And I sit here in my bed, all sick with the cold, as ponder on the last year. It has been a bit of a personal rollercoaster, which sounds horrifically cliched. But I feel as I get older, every year has more of a mixture of fortune. Good or bad, all that matters is that we learn from what happens.
The biggest lesson that I have learned is not to become weighed down by something that I hate. I had been in my old job for 6 and a half years, and I was becoming bored of it. I was struggling to do my job, as I took the customer’s comments about the company very personal. Their disappointment and anger stayed in my mind, and bothered me when I tried to sleep. It didn’t used to bother me, but that plus the stress of missing my targets made me get so depressed. I would cry on the way to work, I’d suffer sleepless nights when I had work the next day. When I got fired, I felt the initial panic of losing my income. But as soon as I left the building, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I didn’t know how much that job was wearing me down, until I left. I promised myself that I would NEVER let a job make me feel like that again.
I was then unemployed for 6 months, which changed my opinion on a lot of things. I sent out over 50 applications a week, and was lucky to get any replies. In fact, after 6 months, I’d only been invited to a handful of interviews. Unemployment wasn’t something I had experienced before, and as such I feel like I sneered at people for not finding a job. But, as you get older, it becomes apparent that it also becomes harder to get a job. Businesses want employs which are not going to cost them a lot of money, so people in their late 20s may not be as attractive a prospect as a teenager is. Which isn’t something that is legal, but I can’t help but think that is a factor when deciding who to interview or offer a job too. The people at the ‘dole’ are also not too helpful. I would say that is because they must hear some awful excuses for not looking for work. But most of my visits to the ‘dole’ was to sign a piece of paper, no real help offered and turfed out. It was a waste of time. The job that I did eventually get, I got by phoning an agency directly, not through the job center.
One of my biggest regrets of the year is how badly I have let my creativity fall. I have struggled to write, and haven’t drawn anything much. I had a few blips, where I have drawn for a few days, but then I have fallen behind and never got back into it. I had no motivation what so ever.
I think that 2013 has been a rather disjointed year for me, with me feeling a bit lost. I kind of didn’t know who I was anymore, as I struggled with my personal life and mental health. As bad as it sounds, I am glad the year is over.