Never Enough

I work best when working through a list. Doesn’t matter what the activity is, I have to structure it out, so that I can get everything done. I panic when I get overwhelmed, so placing things in some sort of methodical order seems to help me not panic.

But, it isn’t just panicking that I do. If I don’t have a list and order to focus on things, I don’t focus very hard at all. I will maybe start something, but my mind will wander, and I will end up doing something else, without finishing my initial task. Which would be okay, if there was only two or three tasks to do, but give me a day of non-focus and I could ‘half do’ around 10-15 different things. And, then I get frustrated. With myself. With the work. With everything. And then nothing further happens.

Sometimes, despite writing lists, I get bored and do something else. If it is something which uses active thought, like blogging, I’m fine. When it is something like doing housework, I just mentally clock out and end up doing something else. I guess I have to just find a way to become more involved in every task that I set out to do. Try not to become distracted.  I feel, that sometimes it is like I need to have someone watching over me, to push me seeing things through to completion.

I guess I sound like a teenager, who thinks that they have better things to do. But it can honestly be very hard to get things done properly. But, one thing has changed from school-age me. I no longer give up on things, if I have had a bad and unproductive day. I just take a deep breath and carry on at the next opportunity, be it the next hour, day or whatever. I take a moment to take in what I haven’t done, but no longer berate myself on my failures. I might have a whine, but I will put my head down and try to work hard round everything.

I guess the important part is never giving up on anything. You only truly fail when you give up.

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