I used to always think that if you were a good person towards those around you, that people would be good to you. When I was at school, and people used to call me names, I believed it because I wasn’t being a good enough person. As bad as it seems, looking back on it, I felt such a way because  it made me feel in control of things. As if the things other’s thought or said about me, would be fixed by me acting in a certain way.

As I  became older, I obviously realised that my thinking was utter bullshit. But, feeling responsible for what happened in my life was a normal reaction. As people, I think we want to feel responsible for all that surrounds us, as if that responsibility gives us a valuable position in this world. And, I don’t know about any readers, but having a sense of responsibility helps me feel validated. Which I think is just part of human nature.

I think one of the worst things about realising that not everything that happens to you is within your control, is that your are hit with a feeling of hopelessness. That no matter, what you do and how you act, there will always be bad things that will happen to you and those around you. And I think that is a hard thing to get used to. Particularly, when you are like myself, and believe that a one’s future is something based on actions, rather than hope and luck. And, as you grow up, a big part of adulthood is accepting that some things happen just because they do, and are in no direct reaction to any action by any person. And I say it is part of adulthood, because I think it is something that takes a lot of maturity to accept.

 

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About Sue

Freelance designer, blogger, retro rebel, Nerdfighter, Ravenclaw and music enthusiast. I am trying to get myself established in the creative field as a Graphic designer. After a bit of a creative block, I am trying to be as creative as I can. This helps me find a sense of being, and has helped me become settled within myself.
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