Over the last few months, I have been using this blog as a bit of a ‘pep talk’ for myself. And, to be honest, it hasn’t really worked. But, in doing so, I enable thought the processes to make things better.
I am a very non-confrontational person. Yes, when in my own domain I can be very outspoken and will fight for what I believe in. But, when I am in work, I tend to be completely different. I tend to observe what is going on, and do have the tendency to get pushed around. Which is something that effects my self-esteem, and has the ability to turn a liveable situation into something a lot worse.
I have done some thinking about it, and I have decided to make a stand. I am going to make my life, my domain, so that I feel comfortable enough to fight my corner. After all, why should anyone fight for me, when I won’t do it for myself? So below is a list of things I am going to follow, to get my life back under my control.
1) Say what’s on my mind, when it matters to the relevant person. When I am in a situation, I tend to think of something to say, but rather than pipe up, I utter it in secret to people I am closer to.
2) Confrontation is going to happen, get used to it. I don’t like the idea of facing confliction, because I take something personal if people disagree. I need to understand to stop taking things to heart, and don’t let the reactions of others, impact on me so much.
3) Make plans. Book gig tickets, meet friends for coffee, I need to make more plans. These last few years, I have wasted my money and missed out on opportunities as a result. If I have things to look forward too, life becomes more bearable. So I am planning to enjoy 2013, and create plenty of happy memories. Hopefully, it will make dealing with the hard bits, easier.
4) Keep focused. This is easier said, than done. Stick to what I plan to do, and stay focused on it. Whether its reading, writing, drawing or just general work. Try and limit the distractions which make it so difficult to get things done.
5) Find out what I want. It’s easy to sit in a puddle of apathy, when you can’t decide what you want to do with your life. You can only aim for a goal, once the goalposts are in place. This is something I have to think about, because I am at a loss on what I want to happen in my life. And not knowing, makes things that bit harder.
It’s time to be my own boss, and get this train back on the tracks. Only I can make things happen, so let’s do it.