Tag: writing

Gadget Girl

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I never used to bother about technology at all when I was younger. It may have something to do with the fact that other than Sega Vs. Nintendo, not a lot of people I grew up with was interested in it. We had a PC at home that never gained an internet connection for it’s entire lifespan. It was used for typing school things and playing Theme Hospital. People also didn’t really have mobile phones, not till I was reaching the end of my school years. Even then, the most exciting things were making ringtones or playing Snake on a Nokia 3330. The internet was accessible at school or at the local library, and even then, I wasn’t much interested.

It wasn’t till I found myself in Glasgow, being quite the loner, that I started a blog on livejournal, and I began to get involved with the internet. I started talking to people, who understood, people who are still friends with me many years later. As I have got older, I have found that I have become rather reliant on technology. Like, if I don’t have my smartphone with me, I feel lost. Which sounds very sad, and probably should make me really depressed. But, it doesn’t. And here’s why.

For years through my adolescence I struggled to find out who I was. I just seemed to follow other people, and never really spoke up for myself. Yes, I had my own interests, but they never seemed that important. I was really scared of being alone, and became quite anxious, and kept a lot of my thoughts and feelings to myself. Which, made any anxiety worse. And it developed into me really, really hating myself. I thought that I was a horrible person, a thought that has stayed with me since, no matter how silly I know it is. What helped me step away from hating myself so much, was the internet. I found forums and blogs where I could be myself, without fear of the very few people around me leaving. I slowly became more confident when I realised that I wasn’t alone in how I felt, there were other people struggling.

I think that finding this solace in the online world has been something that has stuck with me. If there is something that frustrates me I’ll tweet or write a blog about it. I’ll express it in a way that makes me feel better. I can message people from anxiety forums when I feel a panic attack coming on. It helps me cope with stuff around me. Particularly when I have reached out to people in my offline life, they have been critical of my depression or anxiety, which is something that I can’t help. If someone is rude to you online, you can always block them. That gives me control that I don’t have in general life, and it calms me down. Maybe it shouldn’t be like that, but it is. The internet is a calming little assistant that I have with me constantly thanks to my phone. And considering I work full time, have a social life and function ‘normally’, I think that it’s great. All these wee devices help me feel like a normal person, and considering I haven’t felt like that since I was 13/14, I feel it is a good thing.

If technology allows a person to feel free and enjoy the things that make them happy, I just don’t get how it can be bad. But, I am an adult. Though, I can’t help how much easier my High School years would be if I was so connected as I am now. If I could ask anonymous resources about how I felt, and chatted to people who were ‘like me’. I maybe would have been more in control of how my brain works. I guess there is no point wishing things could be different. Life is what it is, and technology has helped me a lot.

Proud?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Over 1 week of continuous blogging. How good am I?

This blog is proof that a little planning goes a long way, as I think I have only sat down at the computer for 2 days of writing. I have wrote about what was on my mind, or about something I’ve enjoyed. The best thing is, because posts are being written 2 or 3 at a time, it is different topics that are being written about. And that spurns me on because I feel like I am talking about different things, and it becomes easier to write.

This motivation has been great, and as such I have started drawing again. Nothing special, just a few doodles. It has always been something that relaxes me, so to have the drive to do it is awesome. It makes me feel a lot less anxious about stuff. That is something that is always a good thing.

Battling With Mental Blocks

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

If you take part in any creative activity at one time or another, it is likely you have suffered from a mental block. A period of time where you can’t physically create what you enjoy, and have a want to do. Usually, for me, I start something and will never get into ‘the swing’ or feel what I am writing or drawing, and I stop. The idea is always in my head, I just can’t transmit it anywhere. And, since drawing and writing is a major stress relief to myself, not being able to do so, can really get me down.

I read something once which claimed ‘people get stuck creatively, because of the pressure they put on themselves’. At first, reading this as a teenager, I did the ‘stereotypical teen’ thing, and scoffed at the very idea of myself being part of a problem with my own creativity. But, all these years later, I believe it to be true. I go through phases where I write so many things in one period of time, and then, almost as sudden as switching off a light, I have nothing. No interesting thought or idea comes up. And I feel lost. I feel like I have lost an arm, because I have used both art and writing as a way to de-stress for so long, I don’t know what to do, when I can’t.

I think, I do stress myself out about trying to get into schedules, and wanting what I create to be of a certain standard (probably can’t tell that, right). I stress about the actual creating something, that I over-think it to the point that I can’t create anything. Because nothing will beat the high expectations that I have for myself. But people amble across this blog and don’t see my stresses. They see a rambling mess which is updated on a semi-regular basis.

But, that isn’t the point. The perception of other people, whilst sometimes nice, isn’t why I made this blog. It is about me describing how I feel, and try to keep me creative. Which, recently, has had the opposite effect to what I wanted. I look at periods where I was at college, and I blogged every other day. I pine for that time, where I felt I was being creative, and so try to force myself into a schedule. I can’t stick to that schedule, so I freak out more, and I post nothing.

So, what I think is needed, is for me to step back. Stop making such an importance on how regularly I post. I want to blog because I enjoy it, and putting pressure on myself, takes away that joy. And, I think that is something that adds to the frequency of ‘mental blocks’ that I get. So, hopefully by chilling out, I’ll find things easier again.

_____________________

note: I am aware that this is more of me complaining why I can’t make things anymore. But, I feel that part of this blog is to brainstorm what goes wrong, as well as just rambling. I am trying to change the way I do things, so that I do want to pick up my sketch pad after a day of work. Creativity needs to be nurtured, not forced. And, I need to remember that.

Climbing Back On The ‘Ole Horse

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I am struggling with motivation.

The writing and drawing that normally gives me immense pleasure, is not doing it so much for me. And it’s a hard thing to get round. Because I tend to feel uncomfortable talking about my feelings to someone face-to-face. I write about them instead. If that doesn’t work, I concentrate all my energy into drawing. And I can feel any frustrations melt away.

But, sometimes, like recently, the ability to express myself so freely hasn’t been there. What I write makes no sense, and I can’t focus enough to draw. So, in turn, I have to try and deal with all the feelings I have in my head. Which proceeds to either me over-reacting to things irrationally, or just a complete breakdown of tears and snot.

It’s difficult, and noone tells you how to cope with that. And it’s a hard lesson to teach yourself. The only advice I can think of is never give up. I can’t tell you how many times I have closed an empty blog entry or put aside my sketchbook recently. But, by persevering you will eventually crave what you haven’t been able to do.

Maybe surrounding myself with more inspiration would help. Right now, I am surrounded by mess and clutter. That needs to change.

Reading Material Abuse

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I got a little bit of stick today. It was because I bought Company magazine.

For those outwith the UK, or who are unfamiliar with the publication, it is a ‘Women’s Lifestyle’ magazine. Now a lot of these magazine’s get a lot of abuse for the images they portray to women, with the unrealistic body images they promote, etc. To be honest, one look at me in my Asda jeans and Avenged Sevenfold shirt, I think you would know it isn’t the fashion topic, per say, that I am interested.

It is the articles. Being a person who has become so in  love with writing over the years, I find that it is for my own good that in take in a variety of styles of writing. Because, as much as I don’t want to admit to myself, this conversational manner that I have going on, is not for everyone. But that is fine, everyone has different tastes and topics of interest, which is what makes everything so interesting. And is also why I do read Company magazine.

It is one of the cheaper ‘glossies’ on the news-stand, and it, like me, tries to have a very conversational tone for their reader to enjoy. I know that I like reading this style of writing, because it helps me feel… settled, I guess. I think that it is because there is no force in what is in front of you, just a display of opinion, that is worded like it is a chat you are having with a friend. I feel that this takes out any confrontation, and makes it easier to accept the opinion being put across. If you are too forceful with opinion, then it can come across like you are looking for an argument. Which, to me, is not what writing is about. Yes, show opinion, but don’t try to force what you feel on others.

It just comes off as rude, obnoxious, and to be honest, does not always provide you with an audience. If people think you are trying to be too ‘Little Miss Dictatorship’. then you won’t get support, interest, and people may glance, but they will stop reading. Or they will read on, and then just send you abuse over it. Which, trust me, is not worth it, no matter how good your intentions may be. People can’t always pick up intended tone through text, so if you go for the conversational style, it will come across as more welcoming and friendly.

But I try to read a variety of material, all written in different styles. Music articles are written completely different to a Victorian novel, or even a financial broadsheet. The writing style is always appropriate for it’s intended audience. So if you can distinguish the differences, then it helps you write an article aiming at the right audience. So don’t belittle someone, just because they wish to open themselves up to different styles, these are the people who should be honoured. For not being afraid, for being open-minded, and for doing what they want, despite the uniqueness of what they do.

This has come off almost tutorial like, especially the end. Maybe I haven’t mastered tone as well as I had hoped. Practice is needed.

Stuck In My Head

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Usually when something irritates me, or I want to ‘talk it out’, I post a blog on it. It allows me the freedom to say what I need to say, and then people can comment on it. It seems really methodical to me. It’s like, ‘I say what I say, and you can say what you think about what I said’. It is one of the few outlets where a person can express things without interruption. And doing it on something like a blog, enables people to read through your varying opinions, and get a good idea of what you are like as a person.

However, what happens when you don’t know how to say what is on your mind? If everything you type up becomes just a ‘hash-bash’ collection of words and, ill thought out, phrases. That is something I have been going through at the moment. There is no slow down of the thought processes and opinions, I just don’t seem to be able to write things the way I intend to. Which is irritating.

Over time, I have learnt that the best way to deal with any creative block, is to ride it out. Is to keep to returning to what you are struggling with, and eventually you will get progress. This is what I am doing now. Everything I have written lately seemed so bad. I just haven’t been able to put what is in my head, into words. And when you lose that ability, it becomes almost a burden, even moreso when you use it as a method of expression. It is like someone has locked you in a room, and have given you the wrong key to get out.You start off, with so much hope, but you just stall to a stop, when it doesn’t work.

I suppose that is something that anyone experiences. It can happen with work, with school, with anything. You just hit some kind of mental brick wall, and you can’t get any further. I guess, the thing to remember is that every brick must fall, someday. So keep on trying, and you will get there. Just don’t get to disheartened.

Very Boring

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Do I seem interesting?

With the immense time I put in to being an internet addict, probably not. Well, a little lie there, I actually find myself very interesting. I love my patterns of reading, blogging and TV. I say TV, because now my Sky+ is working properly mixed with Sky working on Xbox again, I have started watching a lot of TV. Most of it is The Gilmore Girls, but still, good quality, healthy TV.

The TV shows I like have to have good dialog and well written and developed characters. I like the fact that you can judge a character, because you have come to know their personality. I think it comes from a life a bookworm, where I did nothing but read for days on end. Not much has changed really, accept now, I tend to use writing to express myself more. It seems rather logical putting my loves for reading and writing together, but it didn’t happen that naturally. I liked to do things on my own, and write because I wanted to. When school became about essays and exams, it stopped being about writing for fun. It started to have a purpose. A purpose which was that I was writing for a meaningless grade.

That sounds bad. Grades aren’t meaningless. But I put a lot of love into what I wrote, and I didn’t like that it was graded and treating like a piece of crap, where all the feeling was sucked out of any piece, just so that the flaws (mostly in grammar) could be picked at. It was a bit of a change in things. Writing at school, became less a labour of love, and more a dementor. (5 points for HP reference.) And it made me think, ‘why’. Why did I have to put so much of ‘me’ into things, just for it to be torn to shreds because of my technical ability.

Through writing on my own, on blogs, etc, I have bettered myself in my grammar. I have become a better writer, but that is through reading a lot of novels, and writing a lot of pieces on other sites. Writing blogs has helped me a lot, in being an aide to help me find the words I need to express myself. The fact that I can put my thoughts across, and do it in such a way (I hope) people can pick up on what I am like, and how I feel. And that is a spiritual thing. The fact that you can connect to so many people, where age and country bare no significance.

Some say I am boring, and lead a boring life. I ask them, what do you do that gives you passion? What do you do, that makes you happy to be alive? What do you do to communicate with like-minded individuals? The internet helps me achieve all that and more, people only mock because they don’t know how to do what you do.

Read Between The Lines.

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

This is something that doesn’t happen very often. The worlds of Vlog and Blog unite and kind of cross-reference each other. Yes, I shot a video a few days ago about people writing in ‘text speak’ and due to me just editing said video, I decided it is too important a topic for me not to mention it here.

I do talk about writing a lot, because it is something I am really passionate about, and I feel that everyone should make effort in the way that they present what they say, because it says so much about you. As I talk about this with other people, I do discover that this is just personal opinion, and most people don’t seem to care what a person thinks of them, because of their writing ‘style’. But, maybe because I spend a lot of my time writing, I do tend to look between the lines a little. Sorry for the pun.

The thing is, if you know how to write properly, and can at least attempt to spell words right, why on earth would you purposefully write badly? Is it because it is some new young thing, that I have missed out on? I think it is. It started of with text messages. Where you could only fit so many characters into a message, so people started shortening words. The easiest way to shorten words, with them still being semi-legible, is to remove vowels. Which irritated me then, and it was not a thing I did. As more and more people started to use the internet to do things, this manner of miss-spelling found its way onto other platforms. And on these other platforms, more people can see how you write in private. Well, except it isn’t really in private anymore. This is where the people pre-Facebook and people post-Facebook tend to differ. Before Social Networking took over the internet, the main sites used by people, where blog sites and forums. Now, on theses sites, a person had to be able to express themselves properly, because most were there to share opinions, and get to know people. When Social Networking came along, particularly Facebook, it changed things. People came online to talk to people they would have texted. People that they already knew. So the mentality of text messaging moved online.

I know I said that the main reason for typing in ‘text speak’ was to make messages shorter, but ease was also a big factor. Why type in 6 letters, when you can type in 3? That is laziness. This is the generation of people who have to work so much harder to get a job. How can they be expected to work well, if they can’t even muster up the energy to type up a work on their keyboard. And then, you discover that it isn’t just on computers and phones ‘text speak’ is used, and that kids are handing in school reports in this poor state.

I think kids like wasting their education and making themselves look stupid because they have no pride in education. To them, it is something they are forced to go to everyday. Although most of them will go onto some form of higher education, they won’t take pride in what they are learning, and they think of it as some kind of chore.  But in some countries, countries which are stricken with the harshest poverty we can imagine, education is a gift. Education is not everything every child gets, so those who do get it are so proud. Education to means everything to some children in Africa, who may walk for 3 hours to get to school. Just so that they can learn how to read and write, to earn money to help their family. How many UK kids would do that. Those who do have pride in their education, are often bullied by the stupid masses.

Seems harsh, but it’s true. I guess, a lot of people won’t realise what they had, until it’s gone. I know I didn’t. I probably didn’t study and work as hard as I should have. But writing is one thing that I have always enjoyed, be it writing an essay or reading a book. To me, I always felt that having good writing ability equalled intelligence. I know now, that other things make a person intelligent, but proper grammar is still considered a desirable quality. It was always said that a person’s shoes, show a lot about them. Well, I feel that the way a person writes, says a lot about them, A lot more than the words that they have written.

———

I know that I am not the perfect writer. That is not the point I am making, the point is about the lack of effort people make. And yes, I do feel that if you don’t make any effort with writing, you are dubbing yourself an idiot. It is better getting spelling and grammar wrong, but trying, rather than not trying at all.

Wut?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Now, I know I am not the most distinguished writer, but I like knowing that I am making an effort with grammar. Even if I misplace a comma, or incorrectly spell a word by mistake, I don’t mind too much. And I think, that if you spent time learning how to write and spell, you should put what you learned into practice. But, I really, really can’t stand people who purposely type badly.

I mean, they know how the words should look, but they don’t actually write them out correctly. What is it that makes people want to make themselves appear utterly stupid. It is an insult to their education, their teachers and the parents, that they refuse to even try to spell.

Maybe it’s because I spent a lot of time online pre-facebook, and also didn’t use it for gaming. I guess, I spent time writing a lot of reading and writing fiction online, and that I started writing like that for anything I do. Also, because the most popular site is Facebook, people use it as an extension to their mobile phone and message each other in text speak. The common excuse is that, with texting, you are limited to so many characters, so people shorten words, etc, so that they can say more in every text message. Fair enough, but do you really need to continue it onto other services you use?

Not too long ago, I was accessing an email that was sent to me for work. And the email was just text speak. No vowels, no punctuation, and really hard to read. This was something about work. I was horrified that someone sent it out to someone that they want to work for them. I mean, what is the chances the person will be reliable if they refuse to write in simple sentences?

Maybe, it’s me that’s wrong. But I know a few people who have this problem.

music -MGMT- Kids
mood– chilled

Hey ho NaNoWriMo.

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Progress report time, on the 3rd of November, the 3rd day of NaNoWriMo and I seem to be doing ok so far.

Monday got off to an awesome start with me achieving my target of 2,500 words, and I felt like this whole task seemed to be a lot more reachable than I originally thought. But after a difficult Tuesday, where I had lost ‘the flow’ and things weren’t coming to me as easy as they were the previous day.

Today I was up before 9am, and I had crossed both the 4k and 6k mark before lunch. This made me feel rather good, and I had a clear idea of how it would go in my head.

Yes, all the planning is in my head. I have no written down notes on how each chapter goes, I just have a rough idea of where the story is going. Yeah, now thinking about it, I should have made an actual plan.

A bit late for that now. :S

The basics are this, Caley Hamilton is a 25 year old shop worker who has got herself stuck into a rather lonely rut since leaving school. She makes friends with Sid, a girl who changes Caley and turns her life upsidedown. How will Caley cope when she is forced to live outside the protective bubble she has spent her life hiding within?

Sorry for the ‘barely anything’ update, but I am spending all my time writing at the moment, soo… 😛

 

Musical Tuneage: McFly- Dynamite

NaNoWriMo wordcount- 6,007 / 50,000 words (13%)

Book of choice: Paper Towns by John Green