Saying Nothing

Sometimes it’s hard to find something to say. There are thoughts flying around in your head, but nothing you want to share outloud.  In a world where every inch of life is shared on the Internet, how do you make the decision on what is important enough to ‘make the cut’ onto Facebook or Tumblr? What thoughts are important enough to be made public knowledge? 

Personally, I know that my brain doesn’t stop, and my thoughts can become quite a mess to muddle through at times. And as a person who likes to write about their feelings, it can become particularly annoying to know what is good content and what is just rubbish. I know that a lot of what I talk about on here may seem like rubbish to many, but it is therapeutic. It helps me to carry on with my day-to-day life, I can focus easier when all the bumpf is out of my head. 

But that’s it, what I share, the bumpf, is just thoughts and musing that I have. I don’t really like being to honest about actual details of my life online, because it’s private. And because when it gets down to the details, it usually involves other people. And that’s the thing about sharing details, sometimes they aren’t just yours to share. But your thoughts, they belong to you. You formulated them at some point, and they, unlike actual life details, wholly belong to you. So, I find it easier to share thoughts. I write them down, then I can select what I want to write down. That way, my blogs and social media aren’t swamped with the ‘poor me’ that usually takes up my mind.

I think a lot of people, particularly on Facebook, share every little detail. And whilst seeing tidbits of people’s life is cool, i don’t need to see arguments with the neighbour down the road because they pissed you off the other day. Too many people have huge family fall outs because of rubbish someone posts on Facebook. I just don’t understand why anyone wants to display such information online. Maybe it’s because I have always used social media to help myself personally, not to gossip or start fights. And I do think there is a distinction, although some might not. 

Social Media Bore?

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In world where there appears to be a need to constantly stream our lives over social networks, it is a struggle to find meaning in ones life. Taking photos of coffees, dinners and things the world, outside our own heads, don’t really care about. We then publish these photos as if they are important snippets of who we are as people.

Our social media selves are a very different person to our real selves. For example, I don’t drink half as much coffee as my Instagram would have you believe. I am also not as confrontational or witty as I am on twitter. I work, I sleep, I eat too much, I watch Netflix. That is me in a nutshell. But even that is a lie. Yes I do all of those things, but it is not who I am. Or is it?

There are various schools of thought which suggests that a person is more honest to themselves when they can speak freely. Which is a basic idea of social media. Or should I say, ‘ideal’? There is a bullying presence across social media, as people grab on to numerous aliases to anonymously berate people they disagree with. This produces a fear of being honest and true, because when someone turns against you, it can be harsh.

So people can hold back. I know I do. I post things that will start no conflict, purely so that I can feel like I can share, without sharing. So the ‘Starbucks Instagram’ happens rather than posting art work or writings that are personal. Because if someone berates my coffee pic, who cares, it’s just coffee. But if someone berates something I have worked on to create, I take it personal. Particularly when those who are critical try so hard to be personally offensive.

So, I guess, people post boring because they may get their need to update ‘the world’, without exposing themselves too much. But again, that may be only my take.

Unsocial Media

I am going through a strange time with my relationship with the internet. For years, since I started blogging, I have found myself thinking more about what goes on when one posts things online. It has always been something, that has felt like a huge sense of relief for me, but recently, that hasn’t been the case.

When I post something, it has been done because it is personal to me. There has been some thought in my head, which has made me want to communicate how I feel about a certain something. It has always proved as being a very therapeutic way of organising my thoughts, and has previously helped relieve a lot of stress, so I can focus on other things. But, recently, I have found that what I post has been getting negative comments. As if I post personal things because I want attention. As silly as it sounds, attention is the last thing that I have on my mind. I have found before, that by sharing my own experiences, other people can sometimes feel not quite so alone. Because when you are experiencing difficulties in your life, it is easy to feel completely alienated from those around you. So, when you read about someone feeling as bad as you are, it can be quite comforting. In fact, when I was struggling with depression, it was reading blogs and online forums that helped encourage me to get help. So to me, social media is fantastic, because it can help people get the support that they may not have the courage to get from those around us.

Recently, I decided to do a major life change, and try to change my eating habits, I joined weight watchers. Something I have never done before, but felt encouraged to do so, by checking out fitness forums and things. On these sites, there are a lot of help points, to try and help you get motivated. ¬†One of the points was keeping a foodlog. By posting photos of food on instagram and Tumblr, it reaches the online community, which can support you in your efforts. Seeing how sharing online has helped me before, I thought that this would be an excellent way to keep note on what I am eating. As if I feel too embarrassed to post about something I want to eat, then it is a sign that I shouldn’t be eating it. To me, this makes sense. I have a habit of eating without thinking about it very much, most of the time, I am not even hungry.

This sounds a very postive change, right?

The biggest social network is Facebook. Where people seem to take offence if you post something personal to you. Particularly, as with depression, it can come in cycles, people start complaining that it is done for attention. So when it is something personal, these off-hand remarks from supposed friends, hurt. The same thing happens when I started posting about photographing food. I am called names because to these people, food isn’t something that is deserving of their Facebook feed. Because, if you didn’t know, Facebook is exclusively for stolen memes, game requests, pictures of children and drunken nights out. People are very intolerant of Facebook. I believe this may be because some of the people ‘friends’ with you on there, aren’t really your friends, they just want to spy on those that they shared a college class with once. On every other website, if someone doesn’t like what you post, they unfollow. For some reason, that doesn’t happen on Facebook, people just post vague complaints about the content posted by folk they follow. It’s laughable, really.

With the bad experience with Facebook, I stepped back. Because speaking about any of my feelings is still so hard, to have it treated so harshly is horrible. So, I took it time to think about it. These comments that people post, are about that person’s hang-ups, and they reflect more on that person than they do me. I also have to try and toughen up, and that I have conviction to write something, then I should stand by it 100%.