I have recently been posting prompt posts. Partially because I have had a completely lack of creative motivation, but also because I just feel stuck in a rut. So, I have to retain myself, hold back, so that I am not simply whining all the time. Which is something very easy for me to do.
I am currently ambling along, just keeping myself to myself. Work, come home, do nothing, eat crap, not meet up with people, ignore texts, just sit and wallow. It’s one of the these things where I just feel like a burden to myself, so why push myself onto anyone else. I just feel useless. Like, if the world was a giant swimming pool, I’d be the person in the corner, struggling to keep my head above water, as I doggy paddle in a shallow edge.
There is this idea, which I’ve seen posted around social media, which states that to make a positive change in your life, you need to start by making small daily changes. One positive thing a day. That positive thing may not be something huge, it could be making your bed when you get up in the morning, putting some laundry on, or even remembering to brush your teeth. The idea is that the more you do these ‘small things’ the easier it is to get yourself moving and those ‘big goals’ can seem more reachable.
It also means, that if you start off by doing these small things, your mindset changes. You achieve something before you even get started on your day. Which, if you are someone like me, who struggles to do anything when the routine of work is not present, it is super helpful.
So what did I do today? I made my bed, and opened my curtains. And jogged to the bus stop this morning. I am actually feeling better for it. I just need to keep going.
Since I was a child, I have experienced music running through my mind. Whether it was the hymns sung at Sunday School, recently discovered pop music, the bouncing beats to some ska, or the thunderous drums of black metal. I have always had something soundtracking my day, running alongside my thoughts.
Outside my head, the music that connects with me depends on my mood. Happy, maybe some Steps. Angry, maybe time for some Cannibal Corpse. Pissed at the world, Bad Religion. Trying to amp myself up for a day at work? Faithless. Want to do some artwork, NWA. Different music genres and bands motivate me in different ways, and it’s something that has become a hug coping mechanism for me.
If it were all to disappear, I don’t really know what I would do. How would I fill the void left behind? I think I would get more crabbit (grumpy), as the only noise around would be people, machines, and other worldly sounds. I would get especially annoyed at people, as I don’t want to hear their nonsense. I suppose, those noises would maybe become entertainment for me.
Me and the internet currently have a love/hate relationship. I used to call myself an internet addict, and found I thrived in the digital world, That is no longer the case. As people’s dependency on social media and mobile phone applications increases, people get brave. Or, they act brave, which is easy when you wear a mask of anonymity to hide yourself from any accountability. Sometimes, every comment that you put online is subject to negativity and anger. Something, that I have never understood, as most of my experience of doing things online have been positive experiences.
It is why I am taking more time away from social media and such things. The world exists outside of the internet, and it always will. The internet has done some awesome things. It is so much easier to find music you want to listen to, or the answers to any question you may have. I think the 2010s were peak internet, where everything felt so much more accessible. That our world was getting smaller.
That has changed a bit. People are realising that the albums, book, and games, that they purchase are only digital licenses to access the material. And, the material itself can be removed by online stores at any point. We had a time where movies, such as 28 Days Later and Dogma, were available in physical media only, and even then, the DVDs were no longer in print. So, the movies were not available on the standard market. Flappy Bird, that popular viral game from 2013, which was removed by 2014, and no longer available for downloading. The game stopped updating and eventually stopped working.
This whole scenario is leading people back to more legacy media, DVDs, CDs, vinyl albums, and paperback books. People want to own the items they spend their hard earned cash on. Especially when streaming platforms are known for having poor royalty schemes for music artists, so an artist does get more from a physical purchase. I can’t tell you the last time I bought a DVD or Blu-ray, but I do frequently buy books, CDs, and vinyl. I never really moved away from it. I mean, I pay for Apple Music, but I will always buy the physical albums of bands I like.
Digital is still handy. I am always watching some point of the Gilmore Girls, and I like having that on my devices to watch whenever I need to relax. But then, I watch more YouTube creators over anything else. Motorsport, football, ‘slice of life’, theme parks, and various video essays. I watch a variety of content, but it is this wide variety that keeps me tuned. I find myself cancelling more and more streaming options.
I guess, I am one of the people, who did love having everything online. But, especially as things become more oppressive against creatives, though AI initiatives or trolls in the comment section, I find myself wanting to disconnect more. This is why I think that this year has been one of the more challenging years, when doing things such as keeping a blog active. Sometimes, I think having a break from things will help. But, it honestly doesn’t.
Online spaces, which became a comfort for many whose real life was unbearable, is now longer a place of comfort. In fact, for many, the internet is worse than reality. Which is why it is important to have hobbies outside. Sport, crafting, anything that gets you to ignore your phone and social media. It’ll still be there when you get back.
My stress levels have only just about recovered from Sunday’s race. 75 years ago the first drivers championship, and the start of formula 1 occurred at Silverstone. It is a track I have always wanted to attend, but it is one of the most expensive circuits on the Formula 1 calendar, so it hasn’t happened.
The internet was alive with nonsense after the race, so I thought I’d bide my time before sharing my thoughts on the events. So how did it go, let’s run our way to the podium.
Franco Colapinto -DNS
Poor Franco. He was pulled in to replace Jack Doohan for the Emilia-Romagna Grand Prix back in May, and has had 6 races. He has found the learning curve awful steep, and has struggled. He crashed in qualifying, and due to repairs was going to start from the pit lane. Unfortunately, as reported from Sky Sport’s Ted Kravitz, Franco’s car jammed in second gear, and he couldn’t start the race. I just hope he gets more opportunity to show what he can do.
Liam Lawson- DNF
Liam has had much better luck since his swap over to Racing Bulls earlier this season. He seems comfortable in the car, and has pulled results out the bag. I think he seems to be a very pedal to the metal kind of driver, and that didn’t really work in the Silverstone conditions. That’s the Great British weather for you. He hit Esteban Ocon during lap 1 and crashed out. Luckily he is okay,
Gabriel Bortoleto- DNF
Gabi is another rookie who had a spin out onto the gravel. He had such a great result in Austria, he is bound to be disappointed. He did manage to keep the car going, but shed some debris and had to retire. He did try.
Isack Hadjar- DNF
Isack has been having some tremendous results in his rookie year, and he is quickly becoming one of my favourite drivers on the grid. Unfortunately, he was bothered by the rain, and poor visability, and bumped into the back of Kimi Antonelli, and then spun his Racing Bull out into the barriers at a high speed. Luckily he was okay. Footage showed that Isack couldn’t see the lights of the car in front, until it was too late. Shows how treacherous wet conditions can be.
Kimi Antonelli- DNF
Kimi has been flying during some parts of this season, unfortunately the damage caused by being hit by Isack Hadjar was too much to keep going. Kimi had qualified in 7th place, but had to serve a 3-place penalty. A poor end to what was such a promising weekend.
Yuki Tsunoda- 15th
Yuki has been struggling since taking the second Red Bull seat. This weekend looked a little promising for him, with him narrowly missing Q3 on Saturday, and qualifying p12. His race fell apart after an incident with Oli Bearman, which was escalated to the stewards. Yuki was served with a 10 second penalty, which left him at the back of race.
Charles Leclerc- 14th
Poor Charles. Someone has cursed the poor guy. Ferrari tactics left him way down in the field, and he ran off complaining about water getting in his helmet, and that he couldn’t see. In Charles’ post-race interviews, he looked so sad and defeated. I personally wanted to give him a hug.
Esteban Ocon-13th
Despite being involved in an accident in lap 1 with Liam Lawson, Esteban battled on. The race appeared to be a struggle for him, but he kept going. Post-race he mentioned that he thought he deserved to be in the points, but sometimes it doesn’t work that way. A shame after grabbing some points the last few races.
Carlos Sainz- 12th
Since moving to Williams this season, Carlos has been struggling quite a bit. Almost like whoever cursed Charles, cursed him too. Carlos was further up the runnings, but as the track dried, and other car’s traction improved, he fell down the pack. He was, understandably, very frustrated at not being very competitive. Now in the second half of the season, he will be hoping things settle soon.
Oli Bearman- 11th
The last rookie standing, on his home race. That is something that is commendable. He did get a few scares, but kept his head, and ended up narrowly missing out on points. In a race which took out the other rookies, and caused a few veterans to spin, he did very well to keep it together. Him and, teammate, Esteban’s synchronised spin looked like something out of the ballet.
Esteban Ocon and Oli Bearman in synch
George Russell- 10th
Mercedes tactics did not help George this weekend. He was pitted for slicks a wee bit too early, and he spun off track pretty much straight away. George did get his head down, and achieve a points finish. He would obviously be disappointed, after qualifying 4th, but 1 point is better than none.
Fernando Alonso- 9th
Fernando had a few complaints with the Aston Martin tactics. Asking if they were looking to ‘lose points for fun’. He was very unhappy, but still recovered the best he could, and got some well deserved points.
Alex Albon- 8th
Alex? How did you get here? A very well deserved points haul after three DNFs in a row. It feels like Williams are trying different things with each of their drivers, to the stage that stuff works for one driver, but not the other. Alex is a quality driver, and I really hope he is rewarded with some consistency with car reliability.
Lance Stroll- 7th
I am one of those F1 fans who is willing Lance to get results. He was all the way up in third place, and I was so excited. His ability for driving in the wet should be studied, or maybe he should be given a job driving Alpine’s racing boats. He was doing so so well. But as the track dried, other drivers stared to out-preform him. Like his buddy, Fernando, Lance complained on the radio after the race. Saying it was ‘the worst piece of shit car he’s ever driven’. Don’t beat around the bush or anything. I think Lance had a really good race, even if he doesn’t agree. Double Aston Martin points. Woooo!!!
Pierre Gasly- 6th
I don’t think people talk enough about how much quality Pierre has as a driver. He is class. Had a very decent race, and overtook Lance on the final lap. A very important points haul for him, seeing as Pierre is currently carrying Alpine on his shoulders. Seemed so smiley all weekend, and a very good result.
Max Verstappen- 5th
Red Bull seem to be able to set up for qualifying or the race, but not both. He was pole, and had a fantastic start, safety cars and other incidents compacted the field, and he was taken by Oscar Piastri. He had to avoid a collision when Oscar breaked when the safety car went in, but soon spun out and went down to 10th. He did work his way up, whilst complaining about the car, and did a commendable recovery drive in changeable conditions. His wee thumbs up to Nico Hulkenburg was a lovely thing.
Lewis Hamilton- 4th
Lewis’ start at Ferrari maybe hasn’t been quite as smooth as intended, but this was a quality race for him. He had a few complaints in regards to handling, which caused a few mistakes, but he held it together well. Lewis had been on the podium for each of the last 12 British Grand Prix, and it is sad he lost that run. A great result for him, and hopefully things settle down a bit for him.
Nico Hulkenburg- 3rd
The man of the hour. Driver of the day. After 15 years Nico got his first podium. He benefited from similar tactics as Lance Stroll, except he kept the momentum as the track dried. Nico has been a massively underrated driver in F1, and he just hasn’t had the right car. I believe if he was driving for one of the top field teams, he’d be winning and everything. One of the first people to meet him, was teammate Gabi, who came running over for a hug, and even gave congratulations over the team radio. I was so thrilled for everyone at Stake Sauber, and I hope the party was immense. My driver of the day, by a country mile.
Nico Hulkenburg got his first podium in f1
Oscar Piastri- 2nd
Oscar drove a good race, and controlled it for a large period. The problem is, when the safety car is in, you need to keep the speed consistent enough, it doesn’t cause anyone else problems. Oscar breaked, like he had already during the race, a wee bit too hard, and Max had to swerve to avoid hitting him. It was in plain sight of stewards and cameras, and the telemetrics from the cars was looked at. Oscar got a 10 second penalty for excessive breaking. Which led to him losing a place to Lando. There has been a lot of debate of him on the radio suggesting that if the pitwall thought the punishment was underserved, then tell Lando to slow down so they can switch back, and then race. But Oscar said himself afterwards that it wasn’t going to happen. But if he said nothing, he’d be a pushover, said something, he is a sore loser. There was no winning for him in that situation. To have such a mistake and still get 2nd tells you how McLaren are doing right now. Oscar seemed happier afterwards. Misjudgements happen, mistakes happen, Oscar will learn and move on. Nico also offered him a different perspective of how breaking in that situation can cause a concertina effect further down the line, and easily cause an accident. Which is maybe a perspective the front of the field don’t think about.
Lando Norris- 1st
At the start of the weekend, Lando said he would give all his previous victories up to win at Silverstone. Fortunately for him, all he needed to do was keep calm and drive. Lando is skilled in a wet race, going off previous performances. The build up was huge, Lando sold out the Landostand, full of his fans. His family were in attendance. The points gap between him and Oscar is shrinking. There was pressure, but he delivered. Minimised errors, drove well. Was a very collected drive for Lando. He has learnt from previous mistakes, and the growth shows during events like Silverstone.
Lando Norris and his unmissable Landostand
There was so many discussion points after this Grand Prix, and some fans seemed to go a little too far whilst discussing online. Which is why I thought I’d write here. I thoroughly enjoyed this Grand Prix, and one day I might actually attend.
I have a rather serious post I was planning, but then WordPress pinged a notification to my phone. It’s the anniversary for me registering this blog.
16 years feels like a very long time. I started this when I was at college, studying art and graphic design. We had to start a blog to keep track on our progress in our classwork. I, obviously, kept it up.
Blogging, much like myself, has changed a lot over the years. When I first started, it was just another place to rant online. Whether it was popular or read, wasn’t important. It was an outlet, which is how I still think of it.
Now, blogging has been on a bit of a resurgence after a decline. But now, there is a push to monetise everything. Make your writing your business. Like a lot of social media, where it is about building a brand, a niche. In fact, now there are multiple advertisements in using Artificial Intelligence to help create regular posts. As if it is all about quantity over quality.
If an AI post appears on this blog, I’d advise to call for help. I’d much rather dad along on my haphazard way, like I have been doing for the last 16 years. Happy anniversary.
There is an idea that is banded about the internet by self-help gurus and people selling courses, where if you can do one ‘good action’ per day, you can get closer to your goals. Whatever they may be. Which is a good idea. You just have decide what ‘good actions’ actually are.
Because, for me, what is classed as something productive, or a ‘good action’ may change from day-to-day. Today, getting up at reasonable time, cleaning my nespresso machine and making myself an actual coffee, was pretty productive. Other days, I have work, and maybe execrise after a 10 hour shift may be the productive thing. And then, there are the days, that simply eating anything is a good thing. It all depends how my headspace is, and to be honest, as long as I step away from social media and doom scrolling, I tend to be happy.
But to see genuine movement in your life, you need to do things regularly. You need to get into a pattern, practice behaviours so that they almost come naturally to you. That is why I think that there is such a massive market for ‘self-help courses’. People think that if they spend money on something, it will magically make their resolve better and their goals more achievable. It doesn’t quite work like that. It takes a lot of effort to change, and it isn’t some task you can pay someone else to do.
Unfortunately.
Why am I mentioning this? Over the years, I have purchased many self-help guides and courses. And they have all been a waste of money, where, like everything else, I don’t have the follow through to make anything actually stick. Like all the empty journals and diaries which initially hold the promise that ‘this time will be different’. Incidently ‘this time’ wasn’t any different, and things gathered dust rather than being used. My focus is almost like the tide, the largest waves of motivation, is followed by the recoil where all motivation disappears, and eventually the motivation builds up to wave in shore again. It can be so frustrating.
I am left questioning how to start to make things better, in a realistic way. A way that works for me. Is there a way that works for me?
My whole ‘writing more in 2025’ thing really hasn’t worked. Surprise, surprise.
Nothing of any great importance has happened. I have been working, and that’s about it. Well, there has been some nights out, meeting friends, just bobbing along. I have been getting too absorbed in the news, and wallowing in the feeling of ‘what’s the point of it all’ kind of despair. Which is all consuming.
Today, I have tried to focus on uni work, which I have done alright. This unit includes team work, which I think will be interesting, as it includes working as a remote team, like through the internet. Something that I have never done before, every group activity I have done previously has been in person. Which, I find okay. When you are working remotely, you are working alone, and it can be a harder to manage your time. Or, should I mention, harder for me to manage my time. Especially when my brain has been filled with other stuff.
The project involves the group designing a website for a fictional sports group, which should be okay. And it is building a WordPress site. And I sit embarrassed, because despite the fact that I have kept a blog on WordPress for 16 years, I haven’t really done much with designing things on it. Like, yes I have my own domain, but it isn’t used for anything other than a blog, rather than for building an actual customised website. Maybe I haven’t utilised the WordPress tools as much as I should have.
Another year is almost over. Already. 2024 has been a ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ kind of year for me. There have been some highs, some lows, and a whole lot of struggling.
I aimed high with a lot of my hobbies, and ended up doing hardly any. I wanted to write more, create more, and look after myself better. Instead all I did was order so many take aways, that I am surprised that Just Eat didn’t gift me shares over Christmas.
I know what things make me happy, but I don’t feel I deserve it. Personal and professional growth was not a thing this year, unless you count my scales. What is the point? Every thing I aim for ends up rubbish. That feeling is something I plan to leave behind in 2024.
2024 wasn’t all bad, travelled to Germany for the Euros, which was amazing. Saw Blink 182, Paloma Faith, Tom Walker, live. As well as feeling lucky to call ,many talented musicians, friends and see them smash it. I read a lot of interesting books, listened to lots of music. Made lots of great friends to chat f1 with. McLaren won the 2024 f1 championship. Lots of laughs with lots of great people.
I wish happy new year to everyone who may read this. Take the time to spend with loved ones, and be kind to yourself. This time of year can be very difficult if you are struggling. Reach out, speak to someone you know. Life isn’t easy, and sometimes we all need a wee hand. Samaritans is a charity, based here in the UK, is one I have turned to many a time. Call them on 116 123.
If this post is online, it means I have not got round to posting today. When I decided to post every day, I wrote up a few backups for if I had a day where I struggled. Either I am busy, or my health has got in the way. The reason I decided to post a backup to schedule in, is because sometimes it’s okay to make plans so that you are still moving forward towards your goals.
So this is a wee message to keep going. Get some backups going for days life isn’t going to plan. Means that things can keep ticking over, whilst you get yourself back together. We got this.
What would you do if you lost all your possessions?
I would like to be a rational person and say ‘I don’t need possessions, as long as I have friends and family around me’. But I am not. Sorry to all my loved ones.
I would probably get pretty upset. I am not very good at throwing things away, especially if it’s served a purpose well. Like my slippers, they have holes, they need the bin, but I can’t find any like them, so they must stay. And if I lose anything, I get myself in an angry rage, as if I needed the item yesterday. All that happens is I usually make things worse.
However, if stuff were to just disappear, I’d probably be calm. Like, I’d maybe get upset my computer was gone, or my kindle. But I wouldn’t go out my way to replace everything. Can’t have a messy room if there is nothing in it. So, there would be some element of relief that I didn’t need to actually declutter my mess.
The stuff I’d probably be most upset about losing would be my phone, earphones, and my stuffed Simba toy. Which, when I look at how much stuff I have, is absurd that I’d get worked up over so little.
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