Since I was little I have kept sketch books full of drawings, diary entries and cut-outs. It’s always been a good way to be creative and work out some anxieties that I may have.
The only problem is, that as life gets busier and I get older, it becomes harder to focus on drawing and stuff. For example. My current sketch book was started about 2 and a half years ago. Which is quite bad. Considering there was a time that I could go through a sketch book every few months.
I am trying to say to myself, that it doesn’t matter how much I do. It matters more, that I am doing anything. Because I look at how little I have done and I feel bad, guilty almost, that I haven’t been doing as much as I maybe would have liked.
But in the last few days I have filled 4 pages with doodles, and it’s kind of motivated me again. So, I thought I would post some of the bits and pieces from previous pages of my sketchbook and try and push myself on further.
Music is something that has helped me get through my life. I like, that how music can be a journey of discovery. That different songs can make you think about different things, and can even change your outlook on things. It is very strange, when you think about it.
People often talk about music taste, like it is something static. Like, how you find one genre of music, and that is what you will stick with for the rest of their life. But, that isn’t how it really works, music is more like a journey. A journey where you might tip your toes into a particular type of music, and depending on your experience, you could venture deeper into that particular journey, or you could wonder off to something a bit different.
I was a Pop fan for much of my childhood. Music was there, but it wasn’t anything too crazy to obsess about. I liked songs, but no artists in particularly. I fell in love with Hanson, then B*Witched, followed by a1. It sounds like a list of guilty pleasures, but those bands kind of got me into music. I started to notice that certain songs made me feel different, I would get meaning in the lyrics and it became something of an addiction. I would buy albums and read the lyrics on the inserts. I did find, that as I started reading into song means more, I got bored of what was on the radio. I wasn’t interested in getting a boyfriend, I just wanted to read books and draw, so I gradually turned away from the chart music.
This was the time, where I would start frequenting my local library, to use their internet. I didn’t have it at home, so when you want to discover new music, that wasn’t on the radio, you went online. I started to become a fan of music with a rockier sound, the angst and anger matched how I felt in life.
The music that I felt most connect to was old punk stuff, mostly from before I was born. I bought this compilation CD from a charity shop one day after school, and it had The Clash, The Ramones, X Ray Spex and like 40 other bands from the late 70s/ early 80s. It felt like there was a fire in my belly, when I listened to those songs. And the first song on the compilation was Going Underground by The Jam (see know I would get back to the prompt), which actually became a favourite song of mine.
Since I started listening to punk, my taste developed, I started to listen to metal, thrash, emo, grunge, alt rock, just about anything. In fact, the more I listened to, the more I began to appreciate music, in general. The phase that I had, where I turned my back on my poppy roots, was over. I listened to old albums, and realised that those songs still meant a lot to me. Favourite things, become our favourites for a reason.
So put on that played out album from your teens, and have a party. Relish in the memories that those songs have for you, and realise they are more than just words and a tune.
I bought a magazine called Blogosphere today. It was something that I decided to have a look at because I fell I need a little inspiration to get back on the blogging horse properly. The last few months I have been writing very sporadically, mostly because I don’t have a lot of ideas, and everything that I catch myself writing is mopey, rubbish. Not something I actually enjoy reading.
Blogosphere is a magazine giving advice about creating content, and how writers got attention to their blogs. It’s very informative and helpful, but only if you have the right frame of mind. If I am feeling a little fragile about myself in general, it can be difficult to look at people who seem to already have success doing what they love. I love writing, it has become a major part of what helps me through life. But, I seem to ramble about nothing, and that doesn’t really get an audience. Yes, advice can be good, but complaining for the sake of complaining can be very painful to read.
But that’s maybe it. Yes, getting advice from other sources is good, which is why I bought Blogosphere. I have never been able to go to any events or conventions, so I have never really known how to get a focus on here. The problem can be, when you look at other bloggers who run vastly better sites than yourself, you can feel down on yourself. Which is quite easy to do, especially because blogging can be quite a solitary task, which is mostly writing musings on a particular topic.
I guess the best thing, for me, is to try and think positively. Look at everything as something to help improve your own creative process. Its very easy to see something good, and look down on your own work negatively, but it’s important for your creativity not to do that. If you can look at the world and take away positive steps to move forward, that will always work in your favour.
It is just re-training your brain to get away from the negative thoughts. But as long as you don’t give up, you will never fail. And the closer you get to your goals, it becomes easier to create. So just focus, and look at the world to help you.
It was the first day back at work for me today. The start of another week, where it takes every piece of energy you have to get out of your bed. I know that if I had the choice, I would just stay at home all the time, and do what I want. And if everyone was to act honestly, most of them would admit the same. But, we need to work, to get the money, to live a life.
Today was one of those days. I must have put my alarm to sleep at least 10 times, and I was still in my bed. But, I got to the stage where if I didn’t get up, I would have been late for work. I just didn’t know how to get motivated.
So once I started moving, I tried to give myself a bit of a pep talk. The idea was to try and make the day my bitch. Take charge, for a change. And as silly as it seems, now I am reading it back, it worked. I got the energy I needed to get up and go to work. I even ended up being quite happy most of the day, and was super productive.
Now, there are times where talking to yourself won’t make things better. I know that from experience. But sometimes, it is good to be able to give yourself the required kick up the arse to get stuff done. One person who inspires me to get moving is Superwoman. Not the superhero, the youtuber. She has a channel on Youtube, which she has talked a lot about ‘hustling’, and just being her own cheerleader and how it is not as shameful as you may think.
It is important when you are creating original content regularly to have something that motivates you. Something that gets you into creating regular. I am one of those strange people, where it depends on my mood as to whether something motivates me or not. For instances, sometimes Netflix is perfect background noise to me doing my sketchbook. Other times, I’ll end up watching whatever is on my TV, and ignore whatever I intended to do. Sometimes music distracts me, that I need to work in silence, but most of the time music gets me pumped for work.
However, sometimes it helps to look around at other people’s output to get you creating. My list of blogs I read regular is getting bigger and bigger, and they do make me want to write for myself. Which is awesome. I try to read a variety of blogs, like technology, advice, music, books, fashion, gossip, anything really. The only thing I look for, is passion. The person has to really care about what they are writing about, so that a sense of honesty comes across in whatever they are trying so say. And, in turn, that becomes something that I wish to convey in my own blog. I hope that by reading this blog, that someone could get an idea of what I am like as a person. That’s the idea anyway.
In the last year or two I have noticed that there are books and guides written on ‘how to make a successful blog’. I am guessing because keeping a blog is a really honest way break down boundaries between customers and businesses. But the whole idea of guides published by ‘experts’ no one has ever heard of is a bit vomit inducing, if you ask me. I am a person whose blog started as a way to express myself, so find the idea of people doing it for the sole purpose of making money as strange. I don’t get it. Pay £14.99 and have some guy try to tell you how to be successful in the blogging industry. That’s right, people think of it as an industry now. It’s strange.
But, prepare for shock as I reveal a slight contradiction, I have today a magazine on blogging. The difference I found in the magazine, Blogosphere, was that it wasn’t selling itself as a ‘complete guide’ or. ‘how to blog professionally’. It is sold as part of the blogging community, with articles written by various bloggers. Every member of the team producing this relatively new magazine has their own blog. There is a lovely straight forward casual tone to the magazine, rather than the teacher-student tone of a lot of the ‘how to’ guides. I found it very similar to the blogs that I read every day, as upon reading it, I became very motivated to write this very blog.
Do you create regular? How do you get motivation to do so?
Blogosphere magazine is available at WH Smiths for £4.00 an issue every month. Alternatively visit http://www.blogospheremagazine.com for more information.
I am always one to complain when I am feeling down. When my motivation has gone elsewhere, and all I want to do is sit and mope. When nothing gets done, and I feel useless. It is not a very nice feeling, and it is one that I seem to get a lot. It is hard to do anything past the essentials when you feel like that.
However, when you feel inspired and full of energy, it is important to utilise that. I am trying to do that today, although the issue is that I am inspired, but have no focus. So everything that I am doing really has no point. Which is okay sometimes. I think. Not everything has to be precise and tackling something in particular to mean something personally. Using the energy that I have today, is important. It means that my week has gotten off to a productive start, and that motivates me for the rest of the week.
That is the problem with a lot of bloggers, they do it to make money. I have never had that need, and always blogged as another way to express myself, as expression has helped me through mental health that I have experienced. As a result, I find that I do write quite a bit of nonsense. But that is okay with me. I enjoy reading other people’s nonsense and seeing how their minds work. I think what comes out when you don’t plan anything is more honest, and that is good for both the writer and reader.
Some may disagree with me, but hey, if I am inspired I will do something creative. And so should everyone.
I have spoken to quite a few people about the subject of writing a blog. Many people seem to struggle with the concept of writing about personal thoughts on a public forum, when you can’t express it to people in real life. And when I think about that, it does sound fairly strange. But I do have personal experience on why keeping a blog can help a person.
I have been struggling with various things over the last few years, things that are integral to who I am. And I feel that using this blog as a ‘think space’ helps me try and organise my thoughts. And it also is good to look back on, and see any progress that I have made. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like much, but it does help. Particularly when I have a bad depression period, when I struggle to focus on anything other than my failures. It helps to see that sometimes there are better times, and that I can get through it. I find it reassuring.
When I first started blogging, several years ago, I read a lot of other blogs. Blogs which actually provided me with hope and thoughts that I wasn’t as different as I felt. And if you are having problems in life, I think it helps to know that other folk experience similar things to you. And by sharing my own stories, maybe it can help someone else. And I think, as people, that what most folk want to do. Help those who have experienced similar issues to ourselves. And as we search through life to become a better version of ourselves it’s only natural to want to document it.
I am struggling to find the time to write more regular, which actually depresses me a great deal. I love writing, and the fact that I am not getting the chance to do so, is rather depressing.
That is a bit of an idea how my life is at the moment. I have good intentions of changing things and keeping up new habits. But, I very rarely get past the ‘thinking’ stage. So, I am sitting at work, bored in my lunch hour, and I thought it would be a good chance to write a little. And when I am sitting here, typing into my computer, I can feel any stress melt away. Now, I know that I am not writing about anything specific, but the very motion is enough to relax me. The repeatitive nature of typing, and watching one’s thoughts appear into a screen before their eyes is something that I have always liked.
Which makes me sad, that I dont put aside more time for it. That my ‘frustration of the day’ could be aired in a blog post, sounds very appealing. The issue that I have, that I have mentioned before, is that to post about a lot of things, you need to have a thick skin. People on the internet don’t seem to have any idea that if they say something to a particular user, they are saying it to their computer screen, the nonsensical username. It is hard to remember that people don’t seem to make the connection between people and content online. Which is silly, really, but it is something that happens, I guess. Because there is zero confrontation involved, people tend to act harsher, so to gain themselves attention.
But, regardless what I tell myself other people think about content they find online, it still stings when someone attacks me. I am the kind of girl who tries to be nice to everyone (and fails, mostly, but my intentions are good). If I post something about a news story or Lady Gaga, it will never personally attack people, because I hate that kind of thing. I have had experience of internet hate, so why would I want to subject someone else to it (no matter their status). I think, rather than the negative comments willing me on to be better, it puts me off. It’s like, ‘why should I say anything else when I get shouted at for saying that’.
Maybe it’s a strange view to have, but I am, afterall, a very strange person.
Adding personality and uniform to my online self is hard. I find I am struggling to keep things interesting. I am currently in a state where I have so much in my head that I want to say, but I always seem to be writing the same things constantly. Which, whilst being quite freeing to myself, it does end up that I post the same old grumblings day in and day out.
I love writing, I always have. But I am finding it harder and harder to keep up any momentum with interesting posts. Sure, I am great at moaning about my life (or lack of it), but I struggle in making things interesting for readers. I guess I have to start ‘feeling’ what I write again. I know that sounds strange, but I feel that I seem to have been really honest on here before, and the reaction kind of shocked me. The internet is full of people who give hate for no reason, and although it is easy to say that people should expect the worst, it doesn’t prepare for the hate that can be angled at you, for just posting your own thoughts.
And when I have received hate, it has shocked me, and kind of made me a little hesitant in posting so much. Which is sad. As mentioned I love blogging, and feel that it is a good way for me to talk through the issues in my mind. So I have just held back, and been posting a lot less than what I used to. This is something I regret letting happen, but it did. I am going to try and get back into things online, which means I need to start thinking up some interesting topics.
I am doing a ‘Sketch-a-day’ challenge, so I am going to try and post some of those pages, and see what happens.
Getting in the way again. I have been a bad blogger over the last while. And I have no real excuse. I have been online, I just haven’t had anything to say.
Which is unusual, I’ll tell you that.
I am getting very frustrated with technology right now, whether it be website not loading, computer crashing or just not being able to get online. It has been a major pain, because I am trying to get myself motivated, and things are getting in the way, not making life any easier.
I am trying to lift myself up. Going to spend next weekend painting Christmas cards, as I need to get them ready. This is a trial. I want to see how the Christmas cards are received. If people like them, then I may look to selling them or something. I don’t know. I think it would be nice for people to get hand painted cards, and not store bought. I think the worst thing is the handicraft stuff. The make your own card stuff, that includes cut out pictures, with little foam sticky squares to stick things together.
It sounds terrible. I just think that if you are going to go to the effort to construct something, you may as well create the things from scratch. Yes, what you make may not be perfect, but it will be made by you. And that love and satisfaction that you get for yourself for making it all. It feels great.
I think my issue is, that the handicraft stuff reminds me of the things we used to be forced to do at Primary School, when the the teacher either couldn’t be bothered, or just wasn’t very artistic. Yes it was fun, but I used to always think I could do better myself, without the worksheets. I think that must be my problem with the things.
But then, if someone is expressing themselves creatively, who am I to berate what they like. I guess, if everyone did like the same thing, it would be a very boring life/
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