Tag: help

Bullies Never Prosper

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Everyone encounters someone who tries to beat them down. It is something that nobody should ever have to experience. That feeling that you are not worthy of any kind of affection because you have no self-confidence left. The feeling when you don’t want to go to work, school or even home, because you are so scared of what could happen. The worst part is, that most people that you speak to, have had a problem with a bully at some point.

I had some issues when I was at school. Petty name calling and being made fun of. Being short and on the tubby side, I was an easy target. Most of the people who tried to pick on me weren’t people I wanted to be friends with, so I just ignored them. It seemed so much easier to do back when I was younger. As I became a teenager in High School, the words became more hurtful. I never figured out if it was really the words that changed, or just that they were chipping away at me, without me really knowing. 

Many stories you hear of bullying, give you the impresson that things get better once you leave school. It didn’t for me. By the end of High School I had lost a lot of my self-confidence and I became a lot quieter. I started hating myself because I was fat and couldn’t seem to do anything to lose it. Not that I had the energy to try. Besides, when people saw me out running or walking, some would shout names. Names that hurt me. Names that made me want to sit at home and gorge on food. And it made me hate myself more.

I wish that I could say that a lot has changed over the years. Most of the people that made me hate myself have been cut out of my life now. I say most because some people I can’t cut out. Some people are a part of my life, whether I want them to be or not. Where I get demeaned for the smallest thing, but am still expected to act as if I owe them something. And that is hard. How can you move past something when you don’t get the time and distance to heal? So I continue to suck it up. Unable to move past the belief that I have recovered all this abuse because I am a bad person. 

And that’s what bullying does. It skews everything that you thought you knew. And despite never doing anything wrong, you blame yourself because of the actions of others. And the funniest thing is that the bullies never see the damage they cause. They will never see the self-hatred that was started by their ‘petty taunts’. But that’s why those of us that have been bullied need to speak up. People need to support one another. 

Blogging Helps

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I have always been vocal about how writing has helped me get through my life. It has been useful to write about my feelings rather than pile it on another person. Blogging has helped me make sense of a lot. I have always known that it isn’t just me who turned to writing a blog to get through things, it’s become a kind of therapy for so many people. 

Tonight I watched The C Word on BBC One. It’s about Lisa Lynch, who starts writing a blog to help her deal with what happens after she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Lisa wrote a book based on her experiences. I won’t say what happens in case any readers wish to read the book or watch the TV show, but it’s clear that writing really helped Lisa. She found other cancer sufferers through her blog, and they helped each other through. 

I think it’s great that such a simple thing, like writing what’s in your head, can help so much. To me, writing is the best kind of therapy. It helps me so much, whether I write about what I am actually writing what I feel at that moment or not. Not enough respect is given to people who write what they feel online. Posting on a blog is releasing something to the world, so that anyone can read it. That is pretty crazy. I love reading through people’s blogs as well. Through reading someone’s writing you can learn so much about that person, just by seeing how they express themselves. And different people experience things differently, so it is always good to read how others deal with things. 

The C Word was shown on BBC One on Sunday 3rd May, and is now available on BBCiplayer. 

It’s The Little Things

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Sometimes I get so amused by the most stupid things in life. The meerkats on the TV adverts, cat videos on YouTube and bad jokes. This is something most kids have, but lose as they get older. As if maturity supposedly means that our sense of humour has to change. You can be an adult and still find fart jokes funny.

I think that being too serious can make life boring. Sometimes you need to laugh at nothing, just because you feel like it. To restrict yourself from that because you feel like you are not supposed to, seems a bit off to me. A laugh makes you feel better. A laugh can be contagious. A laugh makes you happy. A laugh can then make others feel happier. It can turn a bad day into a good day. It is certainly something that is under-estimated. Life is hard enough without people refusing to enjoy it.

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The picture above is two snails I found on my window. It is the season that snails are everywhere, and they do seem to like climbing up windows. This is something that made me giggle because it looks like they are flying. It’s little stuff like that, which makes me happy. So I try to find little funny things every day to make life a wee bit more bearable. If you have had a bad day, a wee giggle about something daft really does make it all seem a bit better.

Feeling Good

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Feeling very good and motivated about myself this week. And as such, I have taken the route of preparing a few posts in advance. This is something that has worked for me before on Tumblr. As I found that I am experiencing fits of inspiration at the moment. Which is great when I have days that I want to do everything and feel so motivated. But then, as the week drags on, I just want to watch TV and not deal with anything. I become lazy, and nothing gets done. And it is the same every week. So, as I have been feeling motivated, I thought I would try and use the queue post feature.

As said before, this is a technique I employ regularly on Tumblr, when I want to post loads, but also don’t want to bombard people with my useless ramblings. So, I write my heart out for 2/3 posts, on various topics, and schedule them to post on different days. Whilst, to some people it is considered a cheats way to blogging regular, I think it is an essential tool if you have a busy life. It means you can relax knowing that your blog is being updated regular, and you are not stressing about creating different content. Because if I do blog when I am work, it tends to be the same old piece moping about my shitty mental health issues. Which is necessary sometimes, but it gives a rather one dimensional view of myself. Something I don’t like. I do care about what kind of image I portray through this blog and other avenues, and I think that poor planning is why it has fallen a bit flat.

Hopefully if I can set out certain days for doing certain things, I will get more time to do what I want to. Because, all that happens is that I look at all the stuff on my ‘to-do’ list and freak out. It seems an unmanageable amount of stuff to do. But, by focusing a few hours or so on doing a few bits at a time, I can focus completely on another task. And it makes me feel oddly in control of things, rather than things being in control of me. I wonder, if other people use queue-type techniques when it comes to posting online, and whether you think it helps with your work load.

Lies That Exist About Unemployment

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I have been unemployed now for the longest period of my life. It is depressing and lonely, where no matter how much effort you make, you are still labelled a useless leach of society.  When I was employed, I was one of the masses who rendered the people who couldn’t find a job as ‘useless’ for not finding a job. I would curse them for having barbecues when I had to sit in a overheated call centre on a Saturday. I had decided that there were thousands of jobs available, people were just lazy for not finding one.

Since I have been unemployed, I have sent away over 200 applications for jobs ranging from cleaner to office administrator to retail assistant. I have had 4 interviews. One I was refused because of poor credit score. Second broke data protection when selling things to customers, it didn’t feel legit, and the company self-employed you, so, I gather, that they can just wash their hands of you when you get caught. Third and forth didn’t bother to contact me back after my interview, which is just darned rude. So, in a bid to lift the lid on unemployment, I’d thought I’d make a few points.

1. Job Centre is there to help. 

Whilst fortnightly appointments to the job centre is supposed to aide you in finding employment, it can sometimes have the opposite effect. Every attendee to the Job Centre gets appointed an advisor, who will overview their job search and give advice. Which is excellent. But, you see that personal advisor maybe once every 2 months. The rest of the time you just get ‘signed in’ by a random advisor. This person doesn’t care about what you do, and seems to judge you on everything that you say. Makes you feel like dirt, obviously because you are not registered to that particular advisor, but they should still do their job. It makes you feel worse than dirt, when the person supposed to help you, has the most unhelpful manner there could be.

2. Register with agencies.

This depends on what field you want employment in, but for office work and customer services, agencies are useless. I have registered with 8 agencies, I have got nowhere with anything. The process I am familiar with is that you give your CV to an agency, and they check to see if you have the correct skills for the vacancies that they are looking to fill, and if you do, they place you on their list of suitable applicants. So, I, on advice of the job centre, registered with these 8 agencies. Since doing this in  February, I have had 10 vacancies forwarded to me. 9 ignored me, and one told me that the vacancy was filled. So this, despite being viewed as a good way to gain employment, has been useless. And when I hear that this is supposed to be a great way to find temporary work and I get nothing, I feel a little useless.

3.Apply For Everything, You Will Get An Answer

One answer from all your applications, maybe.  I have lost count of the applications that I have sent away, and not even got a note of receipt as a response. It is like most of the applications that I send away just get sucked up by a black hole. You could be sending them to a wrong email address, the vacancy could be filled, there could be a problem with the application form, and you would never know. Whilst I know that it could be impossible to send every applicant a personal letter, an automated email with ‘if successful we’ll contact you within 14 days’ would be good. It costs nothing for someone to arrange, and lets the applicant know that their application has been received. But that is not standard practice, so be prepared for the majority of your applications to go no further.

4. Unemployed People Sit Around And Do Nothing.

I have worked since I was 16. This past 5 months has driven me crazy. It is the first time I have not been either in education or employment since I was tiny.  I need to go and do things. I can’t just sit and watch mind-numbing TV. I go and spend part of my day looking for work, I try to do something creative, like draw or write, and then I go outside for a walk. Trying to keep busy stops me from going stir-crazy, because I stress myself out enough because I can’t find anything. I don’t do drugs, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink that much, but yet these things are classed as the main pastimes of the unemployed. I have been offered getting a flat and housing benefit. Having never claimed before, I didn’t want to take any more money than necessary, as I can and do live with my parents. I do feel like I am treading on their toes a bit, but I’d rather be uncomfortable than try to get as much handouts as I can. If I want out, I will find a job and rent a place myself. And that has become the mantra that keeps me moving.

It’s exhausting, the whole searching for work. To interview well, I have believed that you have to envision that you are the best person for the job, so that you can sell your qualities and things. The problem with that, is that you may think that you will definitely get the job, and when you don’t, it can bruise your ego. It has mine. I haven’t looked for a job for over 6 years, I was employed so I didn’t need to. In that 6 years, the job market has changed dramatically, and people will look for any reason to turn you down. And, it feels like you have to battle against a tidal wave, to try and get a job.  And my opinion has changed so much. So before workers berate the unemployed, consider the facts above, and try to put yourself in their shoes. The unemployed are people too, no matter how much you want to separate yourself from them.

Climbing Back On The ‘Ole Horse

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I am struggling with motivation.

The writing and drawing that normally gives me immense pleasure, is not doing it so much for me. And it’s a hard thing to get round. Because I tend to feel uncomfortable talking about my feelings to someone face-to-face. I write about them instead. If that doesn’t work, I concentrate all my energy into drawing. And I can feel any frustrations melt away.

But, sometimes, like recently, the ability to express myself so freely hasn’t been there. What I write makes no sense, and I can’t focus enough to draw. So, in turn, I have to try and deal with all the feelings I have in my head. Which proceeds to either me over-reacting to things irrationally, or just a complete breakdown of tears and snot.

It’s difficult, and noone tells you how to cope with that. And it’s a hard lesson to teach yourself. The only advice I can think of is never give up. I can’t tell you how many times I have closed an empty blog entry or put aside my sketchbook recently. But, by persevering you will eventually crave what you haven’t been able to do.

Maybe surrounding myself with more inspiration would help. Right now, I am surrounded by mess and clutter. That needs to change.

Oh Crumbs!

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

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Sometimes things fall apart, and all that you can do is try to keep the crumbs on the plate.

When things fall apart, you have to garner the strength to muddle through it all in one piece. Which isn’t very easy a lot of the time. It’s just another factor of life that we must put up with, however painful it may be.

It is most painful when you have done nothing wrong, and your world seems to fall apart. Because you have done nothing wrong, it’s hard to know how to fix things.

It’s hard to accept that things will carry on, regardless of you. Because each and every person lives a life independent to one another. Which is strange when you think about how entwined people’s lives are. If something bad happens in a friend’s life, it effects you too. And because it effects us, we want to help fix it. It’s only natural.

But sometimes, the problem isn’t yours to fix. You can’t do anything to fix it, so you have to just try and ‘be there’ when needed. Which is hard, because our nature wants us to be involved. All a person can do, is focus on their life, and try to show support from afar.

Converse Well?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

What do you notice most everyday? Is it the weather? What you had for dinner? What outfit you wore to work? Do you remember the person who served you when you bought your morning coffee? Did you say thank you, or are they lost in your mind, destined to never see the light of day again?

I ask because as someone who has worked in customer services since I was 16, I have always found conversation important. Of how a little bit if effort to wish your bus driver a nice day, could make him smile and want to be nicer to other passengers. Positivity is a chain reaction, once you feel it, you can pass it on to others. It is contagious. And when you feel happy, everything that you have to deal with is a lot easier.

So why does that bring in conversation? Well, I work in a call centre, where conversations are of obvious importance. Sometimes, due to the environment, it is easy to become caught up in the business of targets and such, so that conversations don’t become the focus. Well, in my bid of being more positive, I decided to work on building a better conversation with my customer. And over the last few days, I focused on the call and the customer, and it made me feel good because the customer could see the difference. Feeling like you have helped someone, is a big personal boost, and that makes things bearable.

The biggest way to change things, is to treat everyone in your life the way you expect to be treated. Converse with people to treat the situation with a positive outlook. Try it and see what happens. It makes work better and life easier. As they say, if you open the door for positive thinking, more positive opportunity will find you.

I hope this makes sense. I am always quick to complain when life is poor, but being positive is not something I do normally. So this new thing is helping
me change some habits and hopefully change my life for the better.

Christmas Wishes

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

It is that time of the year again. I am back from another exhausting shopping experience in the run-up to Christmas. I don’t mind Christmas. I love the warmth you get from showing love to those around you, and the knowledge that you have gifted someone something that someone truely needs or wants.

The thing I don’t like is the actual shopping, and how every person goes crazy. The shops are full, the salespeople are losing the will to live as the days get busier. Its just crazy. The whole experience leaves you tired, broke and sometimes depressed. The pressure put on people for buying the ‘right gift’ and the stress of even trying to manoeuvre around a shop.

It takes away the whole feeling of Christmas. It isn’t about store-bought cards and over-priced trinkets, its about showing love to those around you. The traditional meaning of Christmas has been lost over the last few decades, and it is sad. It’s the hardest time of the year for a lot of people, and a letter within a card, means a lot more than some cheap deodorant.

So spread the love this Christmas. Tell everyone you love, how you feel. Spread the positivity, in the hope that it will make a difference to someone’s Christmas. Write a well meaning note inside every card, and let people know how you feel about them.

Listening to- Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer

Drinking- a nice hot Mocha

Working Hard or Hardly Working

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Stress.

It is the biggest pressure on so many people as they try to live their day to day life. It’s hard to reason why some people are more prone to stress than others. It is more, that the person is struggling to cope, rather than the actual work involved.

It is a feeling of being overwhelmed, and that can come at any stage of a day, and at any stage of life. I have suffered from stress, and to be honest, it seemed to effect me more when I wasn’t working. When I had time on my hands to have a bit of a think. I have a habit of over-analysing things, and I guess that’s what I did. I put pressure on myself, to the point that I felt I was suffocating, and that I was pretty worthless for not coping when everyone else can. It did lead me to the path of depression, and I became increasingly frustrated my life.

After much chatting to people in similar circumstances, I found I wasn’t alone. And it was the cliche that ‘everyone feels overwhelmed at some point’. I say cliche, because at the time, I felt that was all it was. I know, people try to help when the compare your life to someone else’s, as if to say ‘if they can do it, so can you’. But it ends up in a spiral of self doubt, because I feared, I was not as strong willed as that person in front of me. Which was basically me excusing myself for not trying. As if I was shrugging and saying ‘what’s the point’.

Whilst looking at others didn’t help, I took a small piece of advice I found in many self-help books and articles.

Do a little something every day, that makes you smile.

And as basic as it sounds, it helped. I would listen to music, take 5 minutes to sketch something, go for a walk, I’d try something that I knew I loved to do. It became something that I looked forward to, and it made every day that little more bearable. And because my brain was focusing on what ever ‘highlight’ I had planned for that day, it didn’t have the time to focus on shining a negative light on everything I did. I guess, it is just occupying your brain, because over thinking is a huge part of stress related illness. Or it was to me anyway.