Tag: help

Lone Ranger

~ Sue ~ 3 Comments

I like my own company. I go for lunch myself, I spend entire days were I don’t really speak to anyone else. It’s good for my mental health a lot of the time, because I can focus on what suits me. But sometimes, you need other people. You need someone to vent to as you fail at something for what feels like the hundredth time.

The problem is, that if people think you are used to being on your own, and pulling yourself through whatever shit life throws at you, they leave you alone. People assume that you are the way you are, because you want to be like that. That you don’t need help. Everything that I do, is something I do to help me cope. I listen to music loud on the bus, because I can panic when I am around that many people I don’t know. I do stuff that occupies my brain, as it stops me from thinking too much.

The more you spend on your own, the harder it gets to speak to people about problems. No one person can do everything on their own. It’s great being independent, but don’t be afraid to ask up. People may assume you are ‘fine’, the only way they’d know you aren’t, is if you tell them.

Guilty of feeling bad

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Right now, it feels like every time you read the paper or watch a news broadcast, something else horrible is happening in the world. Innocent people are dying every day. And it is awful.

It can be difficult to relate to. I,for example, feel unbelievably guilty. I have my fair share of physical and mental health issues, and a lot of times it is hard to even hard to get dressed, never mind do something productive. But I watch the news, see the suffering of others who are much worse off than me. It starts the internal berating of myself, where I feel inadequate that I seem to have a lot, but I can’t deal. People have it worse. Someone said that at work today, to me. I didn’t offer a reply, but in my head, it reinforced the belief I was building up about myself.

It doesn’t make for a happy life. It makes every day feel like it’s double the length. My anxiety flares because i feel so guilty and unworthy, it causes my stomach to become unsettled so that every meal I eat, ends up in the sewerage system. It stops me from sleeping, I feel that if I can’t appreciate and enjoy my life, then maybe I shouldn’t wake up in the morning.

But, when in a calmer state, I realise everything I do is completely irrelevant to whatever disaster is in the news. Now, that sounds awful. But bear with me. My anxiety comes in different flavours. Sometimes my brain makes me feel unimportant, and sometimes it makes me feel responsible for EVERYTHING. So, the days where I feel hopeless, I try to break tasks down, like if I don’t process this task, a customer won’t get their refund. It is a small thing, but makes me feel I have a purpose.

When I am a bit more calm, like I am now, I can be logical. I can think of a way round my issues. But when anxiety hits, logic is furthest from my mind. I have donated to charities for the Manchester attack, the Grenfell Tower fire, and many others. Sometimes, feeling like I tried to give something helps calm my anxiety. But if you are struggling with current affairs and are feeling guilty or just questioning your place in the world, sometimes the best thing to do is to not constantly watch the news. I watch half an hour a day, and that’s it.

Don’t allow your mental health to bully you into feeling guilty for something you have nothing to do with. Which is hard, I know. You can also try to speak (or ramble online, like I do) about what you are feeling. If you are having a hard time health-wise, nothing should be-little what you are going through. And if someone tries to, ignore them. Look after yourself and those close to you.

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If you need mental health help visit The Samaritans

Donate to the Grenfell Tower fire fund, this situation is still ongoing, and the death toll is expected to rise. red cross appeal

It’s A Very, Very Mad World

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

The world is a wide and varied place. It is filled with people, trying to make things better for their fellow man. However, there is also a lot of utter bastards to counter the good. Sometimes, it feels like all we see is the bad.

Sometimes it’s easy to be overwhelmed in the tragedies that unfold every day around the world. Innocent people dying in the cruelest ways. School buses blown up in Syria, a music concert in the UK, hospitals in Indonesia, lone women in India, gay people in Chechnya… The list is endless. Most of this hatred is brought on by a sense of entitlement and an intolerance of others. And it is horrible. What is a normal person to do? How are we supposed to feel when others act so horrifically?

I don’t think there is an answer. A lot of the time all we can do is watch the news reports and read articles online. You may sign a petition, or donate to a foundation just to help. To get a sense you are doing something. Anything.

You may be unable to do anything about events in any of the headlines you will read today, tomorrow or any day to come. The world feels cold and dark. But, you can try and take that darkness away. Even just for those around you. Call a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. Introduce yourself to your next door neighbour, or invite a lonely neighbour round for tea. Go visit relatives. Use social media to send good wishes to those who you might not talk to very much. Smile at the person who serves you your morning coffee.

As clawing as negativity can be, positivity is contagious. I know not everything will be sunshine and rainbows, but a lot of people are emotionally struggling in life. It shouldn’t take tragedy to bring people together, but it also doesn’t mean we shouldn’t. Terrorism is something which wants to tear people apart. To split society into fractions, fractions that disagree and fight amongst themselves.

Let’s not let that happen. Let’s share love and togetherness instead of hate and intolerance. ❤️

Distraction

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

After a crappy few days, there is nothing better than focusing yourself on a task to help calm any bad feeling you may have. It is one of those things that seems impossible to do at times. I guess the important thing is not to force yourself to do something, especially if it is something that you may enjoy. Because forcing yourself on something you actually like, may take the joy away. It is supposed to be a respite for you, not simply another thing to give you anxiety.

I know, with myself, when I have a ‘bad turn’, I usually have to ride it out. I always try to do something, but if I am not in the right frame of mind, then nothing will help. I can easily sit and stare at the same page of a book for an hour, or zone out and miss 2/3 episodes of a TV show. These things that are normally relaxing for me, don’t seem to have the desired effect. There was a time, when I was younger, I actually thought my ‘zoning out’ was simply another thing that made me broken. Because for a long time, that is what I thought of myself. An unfuctioning, broken person. It has taken years of work to realise that I needed to give myself a bit of a break. Being harsh on yourself for having shit mental health, just makes your mental health worse. It is a vicious circle.

When I realised this, I started giving myself a time scale. For example, still staring at the same book page after 15 minutes, close the book and give it a rest. It became a rule that I followed, something I had to train myself to do. Because, if I didn’t, I would do nothing, and then feel bad because I had done nothing. I think that is the hardest thing about trying to self-manage your mental health. You should be strict enough with yourself that you push yourself forward, but you don’t want to be too strict and send yourself backwards. It is hard, and something it has taken me many years to try and get better at. But, I am getting there slowly.

What can be a distraction? Well, anything really. Here is a wee list of things that I use to help me feel a bit better.

Go for a walk- This could be anywhere. Luckily we have a lot of coastal walks around where I live, and I find the smell of the sea air quite relaxing. No matter where it is, a walk is something that gives you the good feeling of exercise. You may go to the park, walk to the shops, walk to a friends or even just walk round the block. I love walking, as it always has the ability of helping me de-stress.

Listen to music- Music can be great. It is a good way to block the world out, which is good if that is what is giving you anxiety. I have a variety of music tastes, and one day I’ll be listening to Pantera, the next Steps, and then some Faithless. Because different things can trigger my anxiety, different music can ease it. Unfortunately, I have a habit of leaving my iPod (with my full music collection) at home, but that is where iTunes, Spotify or Amazon Music come in handy. Every few weeks I make a new playlist. I pick a range of songs, from all different genres. It means, I can have the playlist saved to my phone, have music that is for my mood (whatever that may be), and it doesn’t take up all my phone’s memory.

Watch a TV show- This is hit and miss with me. I don’t have a lot of patience to sit and watch a TV show a lot of the time. But when I am in the mood, I can sit for several hours with the same program. The main services I use are Netflix and Crunchyroll. Again, I have a variety of shows that I am working through. So I can put on The Big Bang Theory when I need background noise, Pretty Little Liars when I want to sit and focus on something longer than 25 minutes or Naruto because I LOVE NARUTO. This again, is because my mood is never the same 2 days in a row, so I like variety.

Watch Youtube- I am addicted to youtube. It is the app I go on to when I am getting ready for bed. I love the variety. I love the variety of content that I can find on there. Watching some daily vlogs do inspire me sometimes, by seeing how motivated other people are, it kind of motivates me. I also like retro gaming, tech stuff (mostly mobiles and computers) and anime (Naruto) commentaries. The good thing is with youtube, especially on the most frequent app updates, you can click one video, and it will automatically set a playlist with similar videos, that it plays automatically. It never fails to cheer me up.

Draw something- I used to be better at this, than what I am now. Nothing I do, ever, compares to how drawing and painting makes me feel. Because of the lack of practice I do, the quality is kind of crappy, but that doesn’t even really matter to me. Whether the cat I drew, looks like a cat, doesn’t matter. I have bought myself these colouring books (the colouring for grown-ups, ones), and as much as I do enjoy them, they aren’t the same as doodling my own wee pattern, and colouring that in. My sketchbook is a mess, but it is mine, and sometimes I can look back and see progress in myself, in how I feel. Which is nice.

As I have said before though, you can do almost anything to distract yourself if you are struggling with mental health. But, do remember not to force yourself to do anything, give it a go, but if you can’t focus, stop. These things are usually so good at being distractions, because you enjoy doing them.

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Mental health is hard. If you are really struggling, you can visit your GP for help. I have found both Breathing Space  and Samaritans to be very helpful. You are never alone as what you feel, and there are so many people out there to help. 

Computer Crash

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

If I am going to write I prefer it to be on my computer. Mostly because as much as I have gotten used to typing in a touchscreen, it doesn’t compare to typing on a physical keyboard. So I turn my computer on tonight, and it’s stuck. On this.

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Why? I am going to have to try and reset it, as the hard-disk isn’t even spinning. And Windows 10, being the waste of space that it is, doesn’t seem to want to restart. *sigh* So ‘F8’ doesn’t work, which is the old way to fix broken updates, and the ‘shift’ key also doesn’t work.

This laptop could end up spending the night outside at this rate. I have been online (via my phone), and nothing seems to work. So bringing it on here. As a result of pulling own hair out. Does anyone out there know how to get my computer out of this ridiculous update loop, where it is stuck at 68%?

Any advice is appreciated. As much as I love technology, I have very little patience when it goes wrong.

Don’t Like Asking

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Happy Sunday! I hope you are having an enjoyable and relaxing day. I did my usual, went to the gym, and then did nothing else. It is Sunday, after all. But, after deciding that I didn’t want to watch The Day After Tomorrow for the twentieth time (it’s not that good), I eventually started watching YouTube. And in particular, the wonderful Tessa Violet. Someone whose content I have been enjoying for a number of years.

Anyways, I was watching one of Tessa’s videos from a few months back, where she was talking about insecurities and how asking what other people though of her, made her feel uncomfortable. And that got those rusty cogs in my head spinning, slightly. What do I hate doing? Well, I hate asking for help or advice. I am a ‘think about it and just wing it’ kind of girl. I don’t know why that is, but it is how I have been as long as I dare to remember.

It’s why a lot of my entries here, end up being almost like advice blogs. Sometimes, there is no almost about it. I know that I have problems, I am more likely to search on YouTube or even WordPress, for articles or videos on my issue. This sounds a bit silly to some, but normally the advice given on these sites are not professional, they are just people speaking honestly from their own experiences. And that means, I can get helpful information without bothering anyone I actually know.

You see, that is a big problem about anxiety. You get so bogged down by your own problems, that you get the bizarre logic that sharing what’s wrong will just bog that other person down too. And, everyone else has enough problems going on, without dealing with my crap too. That mindset is one that has developed over years, and it means that as well as struggling to share what I am going through to an actual person, I can’t approach the subject at all. If I do, I panic, I freeze up, and I kind of fall apart. So it is easier to keep it to myself.

The internet has become a rich resource, and not just the generic help sites, I mean the user created content. Maybe it is because, I like reading or listening to another person’s experience. If I can relate my problems to someone else’s then I get strength to find a solution. And then, noone I know is bothered by me and my crap. It is easier that way.

Last Minute Shopping 

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

It is hard to believe that Christmas is almost upon us already. It is Christmas Eve tomorrow, I can safely bet that a lot of people have some gifts still to buy. And heading into the shops on Christmas Eve is sometimes a bit like a death wish. I have done the bulk of my shopping on Christmas Eve for the last few years. And whilst every year I say I’ll get organised earlier, it never happens. But for those in need, I thought I’d share a few pointers to getting your Christmas shopping done on Christmas Eve. 


1. Lists are your best friend- I rely on lists a lot to get things done, but feel it is essential to getting shopping done efficiently. I usually have 2 lists. One, is full of names of the people I need to shop for, this gives me an idea of the number of gifts I still need. Second list of shops I’d like to head to. Do this by looking at your lists, and even looking online to give you ideas on where to look. 

2. Give yourself a time limit- There are times where a slow paced doddle round the shops is a great way to spend a day off, Christmas Eve is not one of those days. Your aim should be, to get in and out as soon as possible, as getting caught amongst the crowds can be very stressful.

3. Visit shops strategically- If you park your car at one end of the town, work your way from your car, buying as you go. Hit every shop in sequence, and go to the areas you need. For example, no point getting caught in the make-up aisle, if you are looking for perfume. 

4. Look for deals- the good thing about leaving shopping late, is that there are always A LOT of deals going around. Usually deals are situated in specific areas, like Boots and their 3-for-2. Or, end of range items are marked on the shelf. Scan the aisles for any ‘sales’ labelling in areas of interest. Also, if you work for a big company, check with your HR department for any corporate deals you could benifit from. They may be for meals out, which could be a good cost-effective way to treat someone you are struggling to buy for. I did this last year, and treated my friend to a meal instead of a gift.

5. Skip that sit-in Starbucks- Think of what coffee shops are like during the weekend, and multiply it by at least 3. You might think that Latte will help you complete your shopping, but 15 minutes waiting in a queue, surrounded by tired screaming kids, grumpy parents and then find there are no seats. It won’t only de-rail your shopping mission, it could put you in a foul mood. 

If you can keep to your plan, and keep focused, you can get shopping all done in a few hours. Last year, I was just over an hour getting all my presents. In fact, I had so much stuff could have done with Santa and his sleigh to give me lift home. I wish all the luck to anyone who is braving their local High Street or shopping centre tomorrow, and I hope you find the right thing for those special people in your life. 

A Little Peace

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Trying to find things to keep me calm. The worst thing about suffering from anxiety, is that feeling of utter panic that can rise from just about anything. The thing that I find most difficult is trying to get other people to understand. I went through a bad phase where I would have a panic attack if I didn’t have the right change for the bus. And it made it worse that people behind would complain, despite the bus drivers always being lovely. I don’t know what started me feeling that way, but it is something that could spiral pretty quickly out of control.

The best thing that I did, that helped, was try and find things that would help avoid the situations which panicked me. Like, the bus thing, I’d make sure I always had plenty of change in my purse whenever there was a possibility of me having to catch the bus. It helped. I felt in control with it. The same when shopping, particularly food shopping. I have mentioned my issues with food on here before, and I would get the wrong thing, which would end up with me freaking out. A lot of the time, I would just go home empty handed. And I tried to get round that, by writing up a list, be in it a notebook or on my phone. Thinking about what I needed before being in the store, actually took a lot of the pressure off. I felt like I could just pick up what I had planned, and even had a sense of achievement that I made it out with a load of shopping.

The two examples that I have given are things that have happened most frequently. For the vast majority of the issues that I had with my anxiety happen at random. So, I have to just find ways to try and cool myself down. Force my breathing, the way you have probably heard of. In through the nose, and out through the mouth. By slowing things down, it can sometimes allow your brain to start thinking a little bit, and stop the irrationality that comes with having a panic attack. I always carry my ipod in my bag. On it, there is a playlist of all my favourite songs. From Spice Girls to Cradle of Filth. The music that makes me feel good, and that can make a huge difference. The music distracts me from whatever is going on in my head. And then, when my mind isn’t so ‘racing all over the place’, I can take out my notepad, or my ever reliable phone, and just write stuff. It could be words, complete sentences, or even a rambling post on Tumblr. It helps. It makes me feel like I have let the thing frustrating me, go.

The thing is, that what calms one person down, is different from another person. If anyone is having any problems with anxiety or panic attacks, is to try and think of solutions. Try to have what relaxes you, with you at all times. The biggest solution that I have found is planning. A good plan, can ease many fears that your mind may try to conjure up.

When I was looking for help I went to Mind, whose website has a lot of information about mental health. The page I have linked, deals specifically with advice on dealing with anxiety. Hopefully, it helps someone else, like it helped me.

Accomplished

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

That is my Christmas organised. Everything is either already been given, or is sitting under the tree waiting to be opened. And it feels pretty great. 

Today, I heard people complain on how Christmas is stressful, and they wish they could cancel it. Christmas is one of the least stressful things, for me. I like the idea of finding a gift for a loved one, to let them know I care about them. It’s a bit of a ‘thank you’ for sticking by me for, yet another, disappointing year. And, as I get older, I am appreciating Christmas as the time I get to catch up with old friends, even just for a coffee. It’s that one time of the year, where everything seems to slow down and we can catch our breath.

However, there have been a few years not long past, where I did struggle at Christmas. Where in the run up, I felt lonely, despite being surrounded by people. I realise now, that the loneliness was something in my head, which at the time, only seemed to make me feel isolated. I faked my way through it though, to scared of letting anyone down any more than I needed to. That is not a good way for anybody to feel at any time of the year, but the festive period has a habit of exaggerating any feelings of negativity. 

My way through the bad feelings was to try and ignore them. And whilst it may have made the people around me oblivious, it made my mental health so much worse in the long run. 

So if you are feeling sad this Christmas please speak out. Your friends, family and colleagues do care about you, and may not try to help if you don’t say anything. They maybe don’t want to pry. But say you are finding things stressful, people will try and help you. 

If you feel like you have no one to talk to, there is always somewhere to turn at this particularly emotional time of year. Please visit http://www.samaritans.org or call 116 123 (UK & Ireland) for free and confidential help. 

Coughie Time

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

For the last few months I have been suffering from a cough. It’s been varying from a constant tickle in my throat making me cough every few minutes, to have one coughing fit maybe once a week. It is something I am unfortunately having to put up. But, a bit of flu last week has thrown me back to square one, with me having to go everywhere with a bottle of water  and coughing up a lung every 5 minutes. I must admit, I am a bit at my wits end.

I have been to the GP a lot. I have been put on a lot of medication, finally settling on an antibiotic, which helps, but doesn’t make the cough go away completely. I’ve been for X-rays and had cameras put both up my nose and down my throat. The results of said tests? Nothing serious, just keep taking the antibiotic and it will eventually clear up. Which is all fine and well, except I am getting fed up. I don’t want to go out, or plan anything because coughing everywhere is kind of off-putting for other people.

So I am looking for something to help ease my coughing woes. That’s why I am writing this post today, to see if there is any advice out there. The main problem about general advice online, is that you have no idea if it really works. By asking people, you are hopefully getting ideas that worked for them. 

It has to be worth a shot, so if anyone has any alternatives to help me with my tickly cough, please reply below. I’ll be great full for any help.