Prompt Time: First Day

Tell us about your first day at something — school, work, as a parent, etc.

I remember my first day at Amazon, my current job, like it was yesterday. It was in fact over 10 years ago. Which is crazy. I guess time flies when you are having fun.

I applied to Amazon because I needed to get a job before Christmas, I needed money. I had never worked in a warehouse before, my previous work experience was all customer service based. All I had to go off was the reputation the place had, which was not too good. But, I figured that the only way I’d know what things were like, was if I tried it for myself. I had decided before I had even set one foot in the building that I would try it till Christmas, and if I didn’t like it, I could look for something else after that.

The building itself was beyond anything I could have imagined. The warehouse was so big, and it was filled with so many thousands of items. Everything from kitchen sinks, to children’s story books were on the shelves. I remember thinking it was like a super sized supermarket. It was only too easy to go down the wrong set of stairs, and then take a right turn instead of a left, and you were in a completely different part of the warehouse. I stored things on the shelves, and there were so many rules. I remember being told them, and it was simple yet super confusing at the same time. So much information to remember. But, it ended up being easier than I thought. I started speaking to people in my start group, and it was crazy that people came from all over the world. I’d never worked in a place like that.

I started with an agency, the first time I’d ever done that, I was always hired directly by previous jobs. I never had any problems with them, in fact the only time I talked to them was when I needed a holiday. And then my ‘job till Christmas’ idea fell away when I was made permanent within 9 weeks.

My last job, I had began to hate 4 years into it, and by the 6th year, I was so miserable. But this time, 10 years in, I am relatively happy in my job. My managers are aware of my health issues and help me, whenever I need it. The hours are reliable, same days, same shift, same breaks every week. Means that I can plan my life around work easily. And if I want overtime, for bills or a holiday, I can get it easy. I have made friends from all over the world, and I actually am happy going to work. Which, after 10 years, is quite an achievement.

Computer free?

Your life without a computer: what does it look like?

If I were to consider life without a computer, I’d have to include my iPhone in any of my thinking. Because, a modern smart phone is a computer, just a highly mobile one. Everything I once did on my computer, I can now do on my phone. It’s crazy. Watch a tv show, do it on my phone. Take photos on holiday, do it on my phone. Write a blog, do it on my phone. Listen to music, do it on my phone. So, mobile has to be included.

As much as I would like to say, not much would change, everything would. My phone has my multiple alarms set on it (every 15 minutes after 5am), so I would need to find an actual alarm clock. I usually have the news playing, either DW or Sky News. Which is being played off my phone, so none of that. On the way to work, I get the bus, and my ticket is stored on my phone, so I’d need to by a physical one off the driver.

I work in customer returns for a big company. So when in work, I process returned orders on a computer. So… I couldn’t do that. Like, couldn’t do my actual job. And that means customer’s wouldn’t get their refund, which isn’t ideal for anyone. My work uses networks, and algorithms to operate the warehouse. The computer system knows where every single item in the warehouse is, and can send someone to pick it should it need shipped to another warehouse or a customer. If there were no computers, nothing would work.

Pretty crazy. Technology actually plays a massive role in my life, i kind of knew that already. But you never think about how massive an impact it has. It’s maybe why it’s so important to try and take time away from technology. Go for a walk, read a book, take part in a hobby of some sort. Put down the phones and computers and do something else, if you can. Obviously, in these high-tech times, it can be impossible to put down devices, especially when your work relies on it. So you manage it

Prompt Time: More Attentive?

Daily writing prompt
What details of your life could you pay more attention to?

There are a lot of aspects of my life that I need to pay more attention to. Especially at the moment, as I feel stuck in place. However, I do feel like I am my worst critic, and just give myself a whole pile of issues which I find hard to prioritise. I mean, I need to sort out my diet, lose weight, sleep better, do more drawing, clear out my room, buy new furniture, look for better paying job, buy a car, get my own place… The list of things I want to do is endless. Which makes it hard to find something to focus on, as there is just so much, it seems overwhelming. Like, what do you focus on?

Maybe, I need to think about things a little bit less as a list of things, and find a more realistic thing to tackle. So, the thing I think I would like to pay more attention to is my own mindset. The problem I have is that I look at stuff, like the list of ‘aims’ noted above, and I can’t focus on one, I just feel defeated before I can do anything. So, that is what I need to work on. Learn to look at my aims more individually, so that they are more achievable. I need to get more a ‘can do’ attitude, rather than a ‘can’t do’ attitude.

I have been looking into things on the internet, and there is an aspect of ADHD called ‘task paralysis’, it is when a person can’t complete a task as they don’t deem conditions perfect. I find that reading through articles explaining it in more detail, and it does make sense to me. I know I just struggle to see the worthiness of doing things, sometimes. Like, why bother if the most likely outcome is that I am going to fail. It’s like I am facing an avalanche, and I can’t even run away, despite my mind screaming to escape. So, I am going to try and work on that, as it has a really big impact on my life.

I end up being left sitting, not moving, nothing ever changing.

Prompt Time: Valued Trait

What’s the trait you value most about yourself?

I always try to be kind to other people. You never know what someone else is going through, so it is best to be nice to them. Treat someone the way you want to be treated, that’s what my Gran used to say when I was little.

Sometimes though, I have found, that despite my best intentions, I may not be as kind as I think. It could be because of my anxiety, because I can get quite ‘nippy’ when I am anxious. I’m usually irritated by myself, but I can react to other people. Not on purpose, but it still happens. And then I feel bad for being rude, no matter how unintentional it was.

But effort matters, smile a people, a wee ‘hello’ can make a difference. Small positive interactions can be a turning point in someone’s day. And I think it’s something so simple, everyone should try.

Prompt Time

What job would you do for free?

I’ve already done the job I would do for free, for free. Well, it was ‘work experience’. You know, that thing where workplaces use students for free labour? Yeah. That.

The job would be working in the Vet practice again. It was so great, and I felt like I was doing something that actually served a purpose. Which is different from my current job.

I was training to be a Veterinary Nurse, and had to give it up, because the cost of assessments and stuff was just too expensive. Which is pretty depressing. But I did love the experience. Getting to help people’s pets, as well as wildlife. It was so good. I’d really like to get back into some kind of animal care, even as a volunteer.

I’ve really noticed how much I miss being around animals, since we lost the family dog and my cat. No one is at home enough to get another pet, so I haven’t any for years. Animals are so grateful towards people being kind to them.

I might actually look at volunteering opportunities, see if any animal charity needs help. Would be easier to find somewhere if I had a car, but I’ll just have to try with what I can get to by bus. Hopefully there is something out there.

Daily writing prompt
What’s a secret skill or ability you have or wish you had?

I always wish that I was able to deal with things better. I have never been good at dealing with bad stuff as it comes up, and have a habit of burying my head in the sand. That, of course, never fixes anything, and things often start to snowball out of control.

I have this problem with my anxiety, where it’s like my thought process is, ‘if I can’t see it, it’s not happening’. Which is obviously stupid, if I were to think logically. But, logic doesn’t come into play when my mind is in anxiety mode. It is so frustrating, because sometimes, by the time I get my act together, it’s too late. I have already made a mess, I can’t recover at all. So, I fail, which is one of the big triggers for my anxiety, this constant sense of failure. So, as you can imagine, it becomes very easy to spiral out of control. Where, I don’t return messages, don’t do task I need to do, don’t make appointments. It is like I am functioning, but barely enough to get by.

However, I have spent the last 15 years or so, trying different things to ‘fix it’, but nothing works. I think I need to accept that my brain will add 1 + 1 and get 3, and find a way to work around it. I need to think of a way, a plan, that I can action when I can feel ‘that feeling’. If I notice myself ignoring messages, I have a plan. Because all that happens is that I feel guilty, and then don’t want to deal with the thing I didn’t do, because I feel like the longer I delay, the less times I can let people down. Or not, trying to explain my thinking when I don’t understand it half the time, is hard.