Daily writing prompt
What’s a secret skill or ability you have or wish you had?

I always wish that I was able to deal with things better. I have never been good at dealing with bad stuff as it comes up, and have a habit of burying my head in the sand. That, of course, never fixes anything, and things often start to snowball out of control.

I have this problem with my anxiety, where it’s like my thought process is, ‘if I can’t see it, it’s not happening’. Which is obviously stupid, if I were to think logically. But, logic doesn’t come into play when my mind is in anxiety mode. It is so frustrating, because sometimes, by the time I get my act together, it’s too late. I have already made a mess, I can’t recover at all. So, I fail, which is one of the big triggers for my anxiety, this constant sense of failure. So, as you can imagine, it becomes very easy to spiral out of control. Where, I don’t return messages, don’t do task I need to do, don’t make appointments. It is like I am functioning, but barely enough to get by.

However, I have spent the last 15 years or so, trying different things to ‘fix it’, but nothing works. I think I need to accept that my brain will add 1 + 1 and get 3, and find a way to work around it. I need to think of a way, a plan, that I can action when I can feel ‘that feeling’. If I notice myself ignoring messages, I have a plan. Because all that happens is that I feel guilty, and then don’t want to deal with the thing I didn’t do, because I feel like the longer I delay, the less times I can let people down. Or not, trying to explain my thinking when I don’t understand it half the time, is hard.

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