2019, Life

I Had A Dream

What did you want to be when you grew up?

One of the things I wanted was to play football. I remember when I was younger, going to play football with the ‘bigger boys’ in the field next to my house. I was always the only girl, but it was fun. At Primary School, I could play football and train with the boys, and it was all fine. However, from around 12ish, I wasn’t allowed to play in a team with boys anymore. I had to play on a girls team. This was awful news, not enough girls in my school wanted to play football, and all the youth clubs focused on boys. It was like hitting a brick wall.

I found other hobbies, but I ended up backing away from football and rugby, both sports I had played in my younger childhood. I wasn’t ‘one of the boys’ enough, nor did i have the confidence, to push myself to make myself a place with the boys. I didn’t really feel like I could go out of my comfort zone, and look for a girls team, as none of the youth clubs nearby, had anything. So, other than the odd kick about with my brother, I didn’t really play anymore. But I still had a reoccurring dream of playing for Scotland with Ally McCoist (so much wrong with that).

I didn’t stop supporting football, the opposite. My main team became Dunfermline Athletic, and I also followed Blackpool and Aberdeen. I watched Scotland international games, and in fact still go to at least one away game a year. Football is definately my favourite sport. But it still hurts that I kind of stopped playing, in fact, I remember crying in my bed after school, cause I wanted to play with the boys and play in tournaments.

Mixed playing happens still, in Scotland girls can play with boys, till they hit 15 years old. This means that girls can play with the boys, should there not be a girls team available for them. And there are girls teams now at every youth football club in my local area. This is great, and means less girls give up playing a sport that they love. In some countries in Europe, there is no age limit, or there are mixed teams up to under-21 level. This is great. None of that stuff was in place when I became a teenager in the 90s. I remember me and my friend tried to start a girls football team at High School. A PE teacher supported us, and we scheduled training for after school on a Monday. And then 7 people showed up. It was disheartening, because the school was going to help us get games and stuff. But netball and hockey were more popular with girls, so we were quickly cancelled and forgotten about.

I grew up understanding that I could be a fan, and that’s it. Reccently I have been watching the Woman’s World Cup, held in France. It has been a great celebration of the ladies game. It felt huge because Scotland qualified for the tournament, which was amazing. It’s the biggest stage the woman’s game has had here in Scotland, it was advertised everywhere. Every game was on TV, and I saw these women play the game and live the dream that I had as a wee girl. It was amazing.

The tournament has now finished (USA won), and I hope that football organisations all over the world realise that the girls game needs investment. It’s come a long way since I was little, but it’s moving in the right direction.

2019

May Challenge: Pranks

I have never really been a person for pranking others. I’ll join in the laughter if someone else pulls a prank, but I’m not very good at planning one, myself. If I do think of a funny prank, I usually giggle away to myself and ruin everything. I am like that when telling jokes too.

When I was little, I remember that I would do funny things, to make people laugh. But, when people did laugh, for some reason, I would get upset and cry. I really don’t why. I just seemed to get embarassed easily. There was no comprehension in my mind, that the laughter I was receiving, was for what I said. Noone was actually laughing AT me. I would get flustered instead.

At work, we can sometimes play pranks on each other. It usually involves hiding someone else’s tools somewhere else. But, again, I show that Iam the guilty party by laughing. If I don’t laugh, a big sign that I have done something is that my face turns bright red. It is the reason why I am a rubbish liar, my beetroot coloured face ruins everything.

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This post is part of a May prompt which is explained here, feel free to join in or pick one or two topics, to get your own creativity flowing.

2019

May Challenge: Eggs

There was a place at my high school, where passing by was like taking your life into your own hands. It was like running the gauntlet. An area of the school you would avoid at break times, or your day could be ruined.

The area was these two bridges, were one top of the other, for the two different floors of the building. It was where kids would stand on ‘top bridge’ and spit or throw food down at targets below. Many a day was ruined by these villains of the playground, and it was made worse when someone made the trip to the local shop to get eggs. And, yes, sometimes they did make that effort.

I laugh now, but I do remember kids being genuinely scared that someone’s lunch would end up over their new jacket. I never understood why people did it. But there was a craze, many years ago, with these gooey alien toys, that came in an egg. And these squishy things would be launched from top bridge (3 stories up), and splat against some poor kid, usually a first year.

Incidentally, I also remember a rumour where it was said the aliens could have babies. I don’t really know where that came from. It’s still kind of gross.

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This post is part of a May prompt which is explained here, feel free to join in or pick one or two topics, to get your own creativity flowing.

2017, advice, books

The Journey to White Deer Park

I am a bit of a bookworm. But in periods where I become a bit ‘stuck’, it can include finding it difficult to do hobbies, as well as create things. That means, i find it hard to relax to music and I just can’t focus on a book to read. Now, these can be issues, as both music and books are ways I like to relax. So sometimes, i feel like I just can’t unwind, and it is so frustrating.

So I made a choice to try and read 50
books this year. Its a big number, as I really struggled last year reading that same target, in fact I think I ready 11 books. 11 books in 12 months is really bad, as I used to read ALL THE TIME. So, in keeping of 2017’s plan I thought I’d try and red a book from my childhood to get me started.

The Animals of Farthing Wood.

It was a good idea. Because although the story was a lot mor simplified than I remember, was still super entertaining. And it made me think. If I want to do things, and am finding it hard, then maybe do baby steps. Working a really small bit towards your goal is better than working towards nothing at all.

When I was young Farthing Wood was a favourite. I read it so much, and became convinced I was going to get a pet fox. As a fox was one of the main characters. I loved animals, and the idea of different animals banding together to travel to a safer place, after the pond in their home of Farthing Wood is filled in by humans. People were building on their homes, and the animals leave whilst they still have the chance. But where do they go? To an animal reserve called White Dear Park, where they could all be safe. So the animals, a badger, fox, snake, weasel, mole, owl, rabbits, mice, voles and more, make a pact to live together in unity, until they reached their new home.

I read the book when the cartoon, based on the book, was aired on Children’s BBC, when I was about 10 or 11. The book disappoint, in fact, when I re-read it last week, it still kept me entertained. Okay, the way the animals all talked to each other was just like they were people, did annoy me. But it was still a book I could get right into.

So maybe, if you are struggling, try to do something you loved as a kid. It might help you re-discover why you love what you do, and give you the push to carry on.

2017, ramblings

Animaniac

Sometimes I think I will never really grow up. After all these years, I still love a cartoon. Especially the cartoons I watched when I was wee. I think there is a huge feeling for nostalgia right now, covered in all the media. As if, someone somewhere, feels the need to make the rest of us feel unnecessarily old.

But as I said above, I still love older cartoons, so (in the midst of writer’s block) here is a wee top 10 list of my favourites. 


1) TaleSpin

2)Animals of Farthing Wood

3) The Silver Brumby

4) Chip N Dale’s Rescue Rangers

5) Aladdin: the Series

6) The Rugrats

7) Aaahh! Real Monsters

8) Hong Kong Phooey

9) My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

10) Daria

This choice was harder than I thought it would be, but it was nice revisiting some I hadn’t looked at in years. So, reader, distract yourself for a minute longer and tell me your favourite cartoon. It can be from now or from your childhood. Let’s be distracted together. 

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Trust

As far as relationships with those around us is concerned, trust can be one of the difficult and fragile things to try and manage. When I was young, trust was something that came easy. You’d share everything with that girl in your class, that gave you a sweetie at playtime or lent you her sharpener during class. It was very easy to feel a connection with someone. At that age, it felt like everyone was the same, just wanting to have fun and play with their friends. 

As you got older, you were told to watch people you didn’t know. Which was strange, as I know that I never thought that anyone had any bad intentions when I was a kid. When all you experience is school, friends and cartoons, it is hard to see the bad side of anything that young. I understand that I probably left a slightly closed off life, where I really would have trusted anyone. No matter what my parents and teachers said about strangers. 

That niavety doesn’t last very long. As I got older, I became more aware that the world wasn’t as friendly as I had believed. Learning more about the world around me, through lessons in school and general interest, made me aware that there were a lot of issues in the world. And then, I went through a phase of a few years where I was bullied, which ruined my positive outlook. I gradually picked up the thinking that rather than be my friend, everyone was out to get me. It became very hard to trust anyone, and that came with me into adulthood. 

I am at a stage right now, where I am nice to everyone, it is only manners, right? But I only tell what is really happening in my life to people i genuinely trust. That is people who I know won’t gossip. I have a handful of people who I trust, who I can talk to, they will just listen and offer advice. And, I offer the same to them. It is something that is essential, everyone needs someone who they need to help weather the storm of life.  

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‘Trust’ is a prompt posted on here

Uncategorized

Forever A Child

I feel that I am in a state of permanent childishness. Despite getting older, I have never grown out of my fondness for cartoons, soft toys and comic books. I get told frequently, that this is not something so unusual these days. As those adults who grew up in the 80s and 90s are very likely to be overly nostalgic as the realities of adulthood seems to crush their once high hopes for life. That is not supposed to come across as depressing as it sounds, but it is true. Thinking about it, this is probably something that every person goes through as they leave the security of adolescence. It’s just ‘these days’, society seems to pander more to our wishes to be back in a time where life wasn’t quite so difficult.

I say this as an adult sitting on a Hello Kitty bed spread surrounded by Disney and My Little Pony plushes, listening to the soundtrack from Tangled. It makes me feel content, which considering I had a panic attack buying a newspaper the other day, isn’t something that I am willing to ignore. I get so easily stressed out by normal situations, it’s not hard to imagine gaining comfort from childish things.

When I look back at myself as a kid, I was myself. I did what I wanted, dressed the way I wanted, I was happy. Playing kerby out in the street or playing ‘Cuppy’ in the field next to my house. I was always busy, always outside running around. As I got older, kids got a bit cruel. I always remember my mum saying that I was ‘built like a rugby player’ when I was wee, cause I was so stocky. And that never changed, but it’s not very cool looking like that as teenager. And it so happened that there was a few people who would bully me when no one was looking. Like walking home from school alone, or if I had a class without any friends. And it shook my confidence. It took me a long time that what happened at school was bullying, in my head it was just stupid people. Which was okay, but those stupid people really chipped away at my confidence. And I haven’t really been able to re-gain it since. Which sounds sad, but situations in workplaces, like what happened at school, occured and just continued to make things worse.

It seems that my brain is looking for the things that make me feel happier again, to help me deal with failing at being an adult. I feel bad about work, it’s okay, Ocarina of Time a is on my 3DS so I’ll play that for a bit. It’s not a way of avoiding things, as some may think, it’s a buffer. It is there to make me feel better when I feel a bit worn down by life. And as coping mechanisms go, I think that watching Adventure Time or singing to 90s boyband songs is no bad thing. It does suck when I think that my childhood was really the last time I was secure about everything I was. But that’s why I’ll never give up trying to better myself, and find ways round these roadblocks my brain likes to put around me.