Tag: blogger

Updates Smupdates

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I have been having a bit of a nightmare recently. Where I don’t feel like I have anything to say. It doesn’t sound too problematic to most people, but when you are used to expressing yourself in a therapeutic way, it really becomes suffocating. I have previously found that anonymity of writing things online, without it effectively anything in my personal life. Recently though, I have been finding that more and more things are getting back to people, who are getting offended that I don’t want to talk to them about my problems. And this means that I don’t write down or say anything, because I feel guilty that I can’t simply phone someone up and explain away my feelings. I wish that would work, but it doesn’t for me.

As a result, I have been hesitant on what I write down in personal and public journals. And it has been awful. I feel so much more stressed than I had been, when writing regularly. This could be just a coincidence, with me getting phased on anti-depressants at the same time I found it difficult to write about things, but it feels more significant than that. I think that it hurts that the one thing that provided me with some relief with my mental health issues is now triggering the same issues that I would write about.

My anxiety gets triggered by a lot, but feeling guilty is a major one. A lot of the time the guilt is about something that has nothing to actually do with me, personally. I always worry that someone has taken offense to what I have said, and it really stresses me out. I have panic attacks, which are very messy and full of tears. I will dwell on things for days. If someone speaks to me harshly, then I assume it is something I have done wrong, so I panic over it. Someone can say something to me that they will forget within 10 minutes, but I will stress over it for days. It’s frustrating because, logically, there is nothing for me to be concerned about, but logic doesn’t seem to be a factor when anxiety takes hold.

I remember when I first started having mental health issues, when I was a teenager, and everything was just brushed off. I lost count in the amount of times that I was told to ‘grow up’, something that stuck with me for a long time. Like, this big, dark cloud that I was dealing with, was just me being immature. It wasn’t, but by the time I realised this, had stopped turning to people, as I was obviously a burden. I fear judgement and guilt from turning to other people, something that is a massive part of my anxiety. And now, the same people who told me to ‘grow up’ all those years ago, want me to talk to them?

It is difficult, and people should always be mindful in how they act towards others. Just because something doesn’t effect you, doesn’t mean it doesn’t effect other people.

Working Weekend

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Everything always I want to do always happens at the weekend. When I say weekend, I mean a Friday or Saturday night. The nights where people want to party, and I want to go to bed after working during the day. Sometimes I find myself wishing for a normal weekend, just for a little chance to go to the football and enjoy a normal weekend.

I have always worked weekends. Whether it be working in a shop, call center, or warehouse (all they job types I’ve really had), I always have had to work a Saturday. And I am not alone, a lot of the people I know are the same. The weekend has become part of the working week. Whilst it can be highly annoying, a lot of the time it’s okay. Because you work some or all of your weekend, usually that means that your days off will just fall on other days of the week. The job I am in just now, for example, I work long days Wednesday to Saturday. Whilst that means that yes, I do miss the football and sometimes I am too tired to go out on a Saturday night (getting old, btw), it also means I am off Sunday to Tuesday. A 3 day weekend. It is good, because I get all my contracted hours done in as few days as possible, and if I want to work extra, I still get 2 days off.

There are good things about having your ‘weekend’ during the week. It is so much quieter, especially when the schools are in. I can go to Starbucks, and relax with a book, without kids throwing their rubbish at one another. Seriously, that is a pet hate of mine, going somewhere to relax and finding it filled with noisy distractions. Makes me wish that McDonald’s was still open in the town, because that is where all the kids used to go. I mean, if I wanted my days off to be filled with screaming kids, I would have had one of my own.

Anyway, as I said the shops are quieter during a normal weekday, and the gym is quieter. Seeing as going to the gym regular, has been a major boost to my mental health, I really like going on my days off. It helps me sweat out any of those anxieties that have built up over the week. But, again, if it is too busy, and I cant do my normal rotation of exercises, I get unnecessarily peeved off. Especially when I want on a treadmill, and 4 girls are standing on the remaining ones talking crap about someone. And if high school kids are in the gym, they have have the worst habit of not washing down the equipment after use. I mean noone wants to touch someone else’s sweat. That is just gross.

I think, that for all the cons there are for working the weekend, there are a lot of positives. But in this current climate, I sometimes need to remind myself how lucky I am to have a full time job at all. A lot of people have to work 2 or 3 part-time jobs for the hours I get with one. So maybe the days that you have off, actually don’t matter, that you get days off at all. Nobody can work 24/7.

Struggling

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

This week, so far, has been very difficult, productivity wise. Like, I set out these plans, and some of them aren’t working. Forming new habits are really hard, and I think it is easy to forget that, when you set yourself tasks.

I have posted every day, so far. And, whilst I was ahead of myself last week, this week, I am ‘putting it off’. It’s not that I don’t want to do anything, I do, it’s just I can’t stay focused long enough to do anything substantial. So this wee gap, between spending time with family and going to bed, has been used to write. It’s not so much a writer’s block, more of just pure procrastination.

I. Hate. That. Word.

Procrastination.

It’s the idea that people have this programme in their minds, that simply ‘puts things off’. As an adult, I have had enough experience to know that putting stuff off never works. The number of sleepless nights I had because I didn’t do work for school or college, and it was deadline time. It was not good. But still, all these years later, I leave everything to the last minute. It is one thing that annoys me about myself.

But, when I think about it, or chat to friends about it, they procrastinate too. No matter what it is, people can feel like they can’t be bothered. It made me think, that maybe procrastination is natural. That, if people had the choice, they would love to just watch funny videos on YouTube all day. But they can’t. People have to function, and sometimes trying to function knowing those funny videos are out there is hard. You have to show discipline. You have to make effort. And sometimes, no one wants to make effort.

Maybe we need to be easier on ourselves. Understand that everyone gets to where they can’t be bothered. And we need to either push through it, or decide it is not important enough. I think that is what I want to come of trying to commit more. That if there is something, that isn’t worth ‘pushing through’ the distractions, then I shouldn’t do it. Quite hard to know when to let something go though.

Sometimes it would be nice if life had a guidebook like the Computer Games do.

Better than who?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I bought a magazine called Blogosphere today. It was something that I decided to have a look at because I fell I need a little inspiration to get back on the blogging horse properly. The last few months I have been writing very sporadically, mostly because I don’t have a lot of ideas, and everything that I catch myself writing is mopey, rubbish. Not something I actually enjoy reading. 

Blogosphere is a magazine giving advice about creating content, and how writers got attention to their blogs. It’s very informative and helpful, but only if you have the right frame of mind. If I am feeling a little fragile about myself in general, it can be difficult to look at people who seem to already have success doing what they love. I love writing, it has become a major part of what helps me through life. But, I seem to ramble about nothing, and that doesn’t really get an audience. Yes, advice can be good, but complaining for the sake of complaining can be very painful to read.

But that’s maybe it. Yes, getting advice from other sources is good, which is why I bought Blogosphere. I have never been able to go to any events or conventions, so I have never really known how to get a focus on here. The problem can be, when you look at other bloggers who run vastly better sites than yourself, you can feel down on yourself. Which is quite easy to do, especially because blogging can be quite a solitary task, which is mostly writing musings on a particular topic. 

I guess the best thing, for me, is to try and think positively. Look at everything as something to help improve your own creative process. Its very easy to see something good, and look down on your own work negatively, but it’s important for your creativity not to do that. If you can look at the world and take away positive steps to move forward, that will always work in your favour. 

It is just re-training your brain to get away from the negative thoughts. But as long as you don’t give up, you will never fail. And the closer you get to your goals, it becomes easier to create. So just focus, and look at the world to help you. 

Inspiration

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

It is important when you are creating original content regularly to have something that motivates you. Something that gets you into creating regular. I am one of those strange people, where it depends on my mood as to whether something motivates me or not. For instances, sometimes Netflix is perfect background noise to me doing my sketchbook. Other times, I’ll end up watching whatever is on my TV, and ignore whatever I intended to do. Sometimes music distracts me, that I need to work in silence, but most of the time music gets me pumped for work.

However, sometimes it helps to look around at other people’s output to get you creating. My list of blogs I read regular is getting bigger and bigger, and they do make me want to write for myself. Which is awesome. I try to read a variety of blogs, like technology, advice, music, books, fashion, gossip, anything really. The only thing I look for, is passion. The person has to really care about what they are writing about, so that a sense of honesty comes across in whatever they are trying so say. And, in turn, that becomes something that I wish to convey in my own blog. I hope that by reading this blog, that someone could get an idea of what I am like as a person. That’s the idea anyway. 

In the last year or two I have noticed that there are books and guides written on ‘how to make a successful blog’. I am guessing because keeping a blog is a really honest way break down boundaries between customers and businesses. But the whole idea of guides published by ‘experts’ no one has ever heard of is a bit vomit inducing, if you ask me. I am a person whose blog started as a way to express myself, so find the idea of people doing it for the sole purpose of making money as strange. I don’t get it. Pay £14.99 and have some guy try to tell you how to be successful in the blogging industry. That’s right, people think of it as an industry now. It’s strange.

But, prepare for shock as I reveal a slight contradiction, I have today a magazine on blogging. The difference I found in the magazine, Blogosphere, was that it wasn’t selling itself as a ‘complete guide’ or. ‘how to blog professionally’. It is sold as part of the blogging community, with articles written by various bloggers. Every member of the team producing this relatively new magazine has their own blog. There is a lovely straight forward casual tone to the magazine, rather than the teacher-student tone of a lot of the ‘how to’ guides.  I found it very similar to the blogs that I read every day, as upon reading it, I became very motivated to write this very blog.  

Do you create regular? How do you get motivation to do so? 

Blogosphere magazine is available at WH Smiths for £4.00 an issue every month. Alternatively visit http://www.blogospheremagazine.com for more information. 

BEDA: New Challenge & Future Changes

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

It’s April. That means that a lot of creative types are attempting to be super creative for an entirety of the month. I am taking part in Blog Every Day in April (BEDA), in a bid to help motivate me. It is a project that I first actually saw on YouTube, where video bloggers took part in Vlog Every Day in April (VEDA). People do also take part in the challenge in August. I love blogging, so thought that it would be a good wee challenge for myself. I like doing things like this, or at least giving them a try. So, I am looking forward to sharing things every day, and seeing how it pans out.

The challenge actually coincides with me changing a few things online. And, I don’t just mean just changing layouts and visual things. For the last few years I have used various internet networks as ‘sueriotgraphics’, which did make sense at one point. It maybe was a bit optimistic, but it gave an idea that I did want to do graphic design. This launch into my ideal career has stalled on more than one occasion. I have struggled to stay to motivated, and have become really discouraged about creating art. Which super depressing as it is, without seeing the ‘graphics’ title everywhere, kind of rubbing me the wrong way.

I wasn’t planning on doing anything too dramatic, just dropping the graphics bit. It would still connect to my aspirations. As I have mentioned before, I do have problems with anxiety, and it helps me when I can ‘close the door’ on things every so often. It is like stopping things, and starting a new chapter. I feel like it gives me a sense of control. To swipe aside any failures that I have had, and allow me to focus more on what’s ahead. It is like a cleanse.

I am hoping to start putting these changes through soon, and have started working on how I want everything to look. It is really exciting and I hope that doing BEDA will help keep me moving, and actually see this all through. Which would be a nice change, don’t you think?

Returner Returns

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I am sorry there have been no posts in the last week. I have been ill with a horrible virus, which has taken my appetite, whilst covering me head to toe with a rather attractive rash. I’ll be honest, I haven’t been to focus on anything bar my itchy skin. The few days where I was able to thing productively, I couldn’t look at a computer or phone screen for 5 minutes before my head started thumping. So, nothing has been done at all, which is something that gets me really depressed.

I hate it. I like feel I need a sense of purpose for me to be happy. Which may seem silly, but I can’t really help it. I know that one of the easiest things to settle my mind and lift my mood is to feel like I have achieved something. Which is why to-do lists litter my day-to-day life, so that I can actually push myself forwards through every day. It stops me from becoming overwhelmed by things. And when I had no way to even figure out a to-do list because I had no energy, and so it added a feeling of failure on top of feeling like rubbish.

So, I have decided that a week off was the best thing for me do. Things happen, and commitments need to change as result. And for someone who relies on routine so much, this is a good thing. I haven’t once berated myself because I didn’t post last week. It may sound trivial, but that is something rather revolutionary for me. It doesn’t take much for me to start feeling bad, and it happens all the time. So, I am rather pleased that, for once, I made a conscious decision to not even think about it. There was nothing I could do about being ill, and not being able to sit in front of a computer. It is a thing that happened. The important thing is, that I am now feeling more normal. I am wanting to get back into routine again, and get life back to normal.

Hope anyone reading is doing okay, and that you have had better luck than I have recently.

Expectations?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

When I tell people I like to blog a lot some have asked me about ‘outfits of the day’. I am gathering this is such a ‘hot topic’ because it seems like every female blogger talks about fashion and what they are wearing. Which is fine, but I feel that it has been expected for every female to run their blog like a fashion blog. That isn’t true, and shouldn’t be.

Everyone is different and if they run a blog, they should do so because it matters to them. There is no point trying to force something just because it is on trend. Yes, it could garner attention for a blog, but the chance of the blog being updated when it isn’t about something of interest is not likely. It sucks the fun right out of something, if someone is forced to talk about something they have no interest in.

Fashion is very popular for a reason, it is a good way to express yourself, I get it. I just have never focused on fashion. I dress to be comfortable, and that is pretty much jeans and a t-shirt. And I don’t see the big deal. I don’t wear make-up, I don’t buy much clothes, i don’t get my nails done… I just don’t subscribe to the ‘beauty lifestyle’. I never have. I have been a tomboy my whole life, and I don’t see that changing. I believe in substance over style. Not that there is anything wrong with being into fashion and things. I just express myself in different ways.

Homesick

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

After all the carry on getting the art blog up and running, I have been posting over there and have inadvertently left my internet home (ie- here). I didn’t mean too, it just happened. I wanted to update something, at it was easy to update over there because of this ( http://splittingink.blogspot.com/ ).  And no matter how much I use blogger, I am always a WP lover first.

Almost sounds like a line from a bad romance novel, a really, really bad romance novel. But dammit, I am going to get back on top of things. I am going to be using the internet a lot more over the next week, mostly because I HAVE NO MONEY!! Yes, the typical aspect of internet usage, it peaks as it gets closer to payday. Coincidence, I think not.

Anyway, if you have a sec, click on the link above, to go visit Splitting Ink, a collaborative art blog I am doing with my friend Paul, and his mate Darren. It is something we are trying to do, to try and get ourselves motivated to create new things. I post on a Monday, so I will have to complete a piece of work, and write an accompanying entry, to be posted early every Monday. Should be interesting. As you are well aware, I do try to post at least once a week on here, but I hope it will start to become more frequent again.

Losing the will to live.

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Why can’t WordPress and Blogger talk to each other?

I have two Riot Graphics blogs, because I tried both sites and decided that I like WordPress better, so I stuck with WordPress. I then came up with the ingenious idea, that I could automatically post my wordpress blogs on blogger, therefore keeping everything updates.

Why go to all that effort, I hear you say?

Well, a lot more of my friends and blogs I like are over on wordpress, so I figured, it’d be nice to update that one as the same as I update this. But alas, Blogger is not wanting ‘nice’. It wants ‘pain in the backside’.

Basically, to get a blog to auto-post onto a blog on another website, you need to download an XML file, and then upload it onto the second site, so that it will re-post your entries. Simple so far, yes? WordPress was good, and I got the XML file no bother at all. But when I try to upload said file onto blogger, I get ‘there has been an error uploading your file’.
-.-

I thought it was maybe my crappy internet connection, so I left it a minute and tried again. Same thing happened.

I chose WordPress, because I find it so easy to use, and I wouldn’t get annoyed, as everytime I logged into Blogger, it logged me out of YouTube. Which is a HUGE no-no, in my book. And I spent many-a-time using blogger in Google chrome and youtube on firefox, so I could do both. (I don’t think it logs you out anymore, but I dunno.)

So, yeah, if anyone has ANY idea of a way round my lack of blog sync-iness, then please contact me. It’ll be appreciated.