Happy New Year

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So another new year is upon us, an annual point for people to reflect on their lives and think of ways to make this next 12 months better than the last. A year is a significant period of time, and it is a unit of time, where a person can evaluate how they have done. And anything they didn’t do, they may want to create ‘resolutions’, to help them achieve what they want over the course of the next 12 months.

Of course, everyone should live their lives making today better than yesterday. Change can happen at any day, not just at New Year. Most people make resolutions fail, so a lot see it as a waste of time. I feel like people could fail if they don’t really ‘believe’ in what they are doing. When I was at school there was a bit of a pressure to invent a goal, to try and achieve something in the year. But if you didn’t really want to do what you said, there was no real push to do it. And I believe that this thing of ‘making resolutions’ that you don’t really want to, means people do fail. Some people see this year after year, and then call out resolutions as a waste of time. Which I guess could be true for some people.

Personally, other than writing a resolution when I was at Primary School, I have never been a fan of the whole ‘new year, new me’ stuff. It just seemed like a waste of time. But this year I am thinking slightly differently. 2014 was a bad mental health year for me. I struggled really badly with anxiety, and I reacted by shutting myself away from people. I refused to go on nights out because I didn’t want to be that person who drags a whole night down. So I didn’t bother going out. And then I hated myself for being so weak. It doesn’t sound like much, but I spent the best part of the year not liking myself. So, I am very relieved to shut the door on 2014, and look to make 2015 a bit better. And I have made some aims that I’d like to try for the year.

I’d like to work out a writing/vlogging/drawing routine and stick to them. I need to work on letting my frustrations out, so that they don’t wear me down, and i do that best by creating something. Food. I need a better relationship with food, and I need to stick to vegetarianism better. I don’t like the idea of something dying for me to eat it, but I like the taste. So I hope to find new tastes, that maybe fit my morals, and still taste good. I also would like to be more organised. I am very much a ‘throw everything on the floor’ kind of girl, and that means I lose everything. I can’t live with a messy kitchen, but my room can easily look like a bombs gone off. Learn how to love ‘me’. I am my own worst enemy and it needs to stop.

But that’s it. Just a few things that I feel would help me function better as the person I want to be. I have always had this idea of what I should be like, and I end up being down on myself on not being this hypothetical person. Which no one should be like towards themselves. But hey, enough with the negativity. Let’s lock that away with last year, and look ahead to a happier 2015.

I hope all my readers have an amazing 2015. And I wish you all the luck in the world for anything that you want to achieve.

Little Bits of Happiness

*A morning walk
*iPod on shuffle
*Packed lunches
*Soaks in the bath
*Coffee and catch-ups with friends
*Smelling freshly cut grass
*Laughing at bad jokes
*Getting into a new book
*Getting into a new TV show
*Being caught up with emails
*Having a lie in
*Drawing a picture
*Taking photos

Productivity Eliminated!!

I am always complaining about how unproductive I am. People scoff, as if it is pure laziness causing the problem. But it really is an issue. I am not unproductive in the manner that I sit and do nothing. I am unproductive in the state that I do other things rather than what I am supposed to do. It is like my mind distracts me to do something other than what I have to do. This is a wee list of the stuff that are the main culprits of my distractions.

*Twitter/Tumblr/Youtube: I have lumped these three together because they are all similar as to how they soak up my time. I log on to the site in question, so see if I have any messages, or anything of interest pops up. Which is fine. Except that ‘one thing’ ends up with me checking something else, and then another. And before I know it, I have lost my whole evening. Because social networks are constantly updating, the new influx of information coming constantly, can make it difficult to tear yourself away from the site.

*Finding Things: Tidying up is the worst for me to get distracted from, and it happens all the time. Usually, it comes as I find a magazine, book or newspaper, and I decide to check through it to see if there is anything worth keeping in it. However, rather than skimming, I sit and read the whole thing. I lose my motivation, as I get myself comfortable, and read through everything I can find. And that seems to take priority in my mind, over the washing that is sitting in the piles on my floor. Yeah, not efficient at all.

*’Just One More’: Computer games, TV shows, chapters of a book, it is very easy to say, I’ll do it after this one. I do it, because I seem to think that it will give me motivation. That because I want to play the next fight on Street Fighter, that I’d give myself 10 minutes to clean a bit, play another fight, another 10 minutes. The problem here is one of two things. I either become too involved in what I am doing, that I ‘forget’ to stop. The other is that I am so shit at what I am doing, I don’t actually get to the checkpoint that I have in mind. So never actually clean up.

Reading this back, I think my main problem is making excuses. Ooops!

Blog Your Feelings

I have spoken to quite a few people about the subject of writing a blog. Many people seem to struggle with the concept of writing about personal thoughts on a public forum, when you can’t express it to people in real life. And when I think about that, it does sound fairly strange. But I do have personal experience on why keeping a blog can help a person.

I have been struggling with various things over the last few years, things that are integral to who I am. And I feel that using this blog as a ‘think space’ helps me try and organise my thoughts. And it also is good to look back on, and see any progress that I have made. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like much, but it does help. Particularly when I have a bad depression period, when I struggle to focus on anything other than my failures. It helps to see that sometimes there are better times, and that I can get through it. I find it reassuring.

When I first started blogging, several years ago, I read a lot of other blogs. Blogs which actually provided me with hope and thoughts that I wasn’t as different as I felt. And if you are having problems in life, I think it helps to know that other folk experience similar things to you. And by sharing my own stories, maybe it can help someone else. And I think, as people, that what most folk want to do. Help those who have experienced similar issues to ourselves. And as we search through life to become a better version of ourselves it’s only natural to want to document it.

Or that’s what I think, anyway.

Bitched Out!

Being a girl, it is expected that you should enjoy the company of other women. I, personally, try to get on with everyone, and be easy going. Because that’s the kind of people I get on with.

But sometimes, I find myself in the company of women, particularly people who I have just met or am not on ‘friends’ terms with. These women are in the habit of making snidey comments behind one another’s back. And I always seem to be sat in the middle so that people complain about each other to me. And, I’ll be honest, it gets on my nerves so much that I zone out and stop listening. It’s awful, but if someone has such a problem with someone, they should talk it out with that person. If they can’t, they shouldn’t go on about it.

When people do bitch, there is always someone who is put in a situation where they have to bite their tongue. It feels like you have to lie for other people. And I don’t understand why anyone would want to put another person into such a situation. Don’t get me wrong, everyone has to complain, it’s part of our nature. But when you only complain about other people, and you do it all the time, you become a pain for other people.

Sometimes it would be nice for people to just take a deep breath, and ignore others faults. Everyone does something wrong every now and then, so if they aren’t hurting anyone, just let it go. *queue singing Frozen songs*

‘Too Much For A Girl’

I have previously posted what it means to do things ‘like a girl’ and it how it seems to mean that something is done poorly. That shouldn’t be the case, because women can do anything just as well as a man.

I was recently handling heavy items, which were mostly lawnmowers, cabinets and TVs. The consensus was that girls should have to life these heavy items, because men can do it better. I was kind of taken aback, I’ve always felt that what a person can and cannot do is decided by the person not themselves, not what sex they are.

If you have never lifted heavy things before, it is hard. Doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do it. It means you work at it, and it becomes easier. The same as anything else in life. Don’t make feeble excuses that have been programmed into you by society. Have belief that you can do anything, because you can.

Hello

Bad Sue hasn’t been updating again. Sorry about that. I just haven’t had the motivation. The day job has left me so jiggered, that bar live tweeting the World Cup, I haven’t really been online. Sometimes a break is good for people. Particularly with the internet, as it is very easy to become too wrapped up in the bullshit that is on it.

So I think a break was good. To gather my thoughts, and focus on other things for a change. It’s been a very social few weeks, which has been nice. I am the type of girl who loves to sit and relax on my own. I can sometimes get worked up if things become a bit stressful, and I panic over nothing. It’s how I am, and in learning how to deal with it I am learning not to feel ashamed if I can’t write a blog. Because I do feel ashamed, like I am a failure. Trying to change that, by taking it one day at a time.

I am enjoying the nice weather, summer has landed. Going to start taking sun lotion to work with me, because it is boiling when I finish. It feels strange, but a good strange. Waiting for a bus is so much more bearable when you are sitting on the grass with an ice lolly. The best way to wind down after a tough day at work. 🙂

It’s The Little Things

Sometimes I get so amused by the most stupid things in life. The meerkats on the TV adverts, cat videos on YouTube and bad jokes. This is something most kids have, but lose as they get older. As if maturity supposedly means that our sense of humour has to change. You can be an adult and still find fart jokes funny.

I think that being too serious can make life boring. Sometimes you need to laugh at nothing, just because you feel like it. To restrict yourself from that because you feel like you are not supposed to, seems a bit off to me. A laugh makes you feel better. A laugh can be contagious. A laugh makes you happy. A laugh can then make others feel happier. It can turn a bad day into a good day. It is certainly something that is under-estimated. Life is hard enough without people refusing to enjoy it.

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The picture above is two snails I found on my window. It is the season that snails are everywhere, and they do seem to like climbing up windows. This is something that made me giggle because it looks like they are flying. It’s little stuff like that, which makes me happy. So I try to find little funny things every day to make life a wee bit more bearable. If you have had a bad day, a wee giggle about something daft really does make it all seem a bit better.

Documenting Life?

I love capturing what is happening around me. Whether it is drawing a picture, writing things down or taking a photo, it is important for me to document it. Always has been.

Some people seem to think that by documenting every little detail, you can miss out on the simple things in life. Which I guess can be true, in some ways. But I feel like it is more me appreciating the different ways of looking at every day. Even the boring days have their moments where I might think about something, or see something that interests me. I find it really releasing to write down or draw when I feel bad.

I think it is very important that if you decide to document your life using avenues, such as blogging, that you don’t share every little thing. It is important to share my thoughts and experiences rather than the details. Like, a lot of people I know, will gladly spend time with me, but don’t want their life shared with people they don’t know. And as well as that, a lot of people don’t feel comfortable seeing or reading things that are super personal. I don’t think that you need to share EVERYTHING to document things.

I guess I find it hard to explain how I can spend so much time sharing online, without telling absolutely everything to people. But it comes natural to me, I have so many ways to document how I feel and what I experience, I am in the habit of focusing on different things. Like this blog is general pondering, Livejournal is more of what I have been up to and Tumblr is just things I find funny or enjoy. And I like having that separation. I find that it helps me organise my mind better.

The Sea Air

I love the sea air, I love walking on the beach. It is relaxing. The sound of the waves crashing is the only sound as you feel your troubles melt away. It is a luxury that not everyone has, or takes. But everyone should. Enjoy your local surroundings, and relax.

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+Forth Rail Bridge, North Queensferry+