Author: Sue

I have been writing in various forms since I was a child. I write about what is going on in my life, what I enjoy, and the struggles of dealing with chronic illness and mental health issues. I love live music, football (Scotland and Dunfermline Athletic), reading, Formula 1, Stock Cars, and eating lots of vegan crap.

It’s 2012

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

The end of the world is this year. So make it the best year you ever had.

In fact, if you think along that logic, of making the best of 2012, just because it may be the end of the world. The truth is, your world could end at any time. You may not wake up tomorrow, you could be hit by a car on the way to work.

Sounds morbid, but you REALLY never know how long you have left on this planet. So, you should go out and make the best of every minute you are alive. I think that people should push themselves to the max every day. Noone wants to be that person who dies sad, or reflects on their life upset at what they could have done.

It is normal at New Year to re-evaluate where you are, and what you have achieved in the last 12 months. This, more-often-than-not, leads to a depressive sigh of disappointment, as we wreck our minds to find ways we could make the next year more of a failure. But, there is no really want to  change, most of the time, it is like we create a list of tasks, just because we feel guilty because our lack of achievements. The whole concept of breaking resolutions is a bit of a cliché. Why make a resolution, if you know you are not wanting to achieve your target? Don’t say you want to lose weight, if you don’t want to.

The main reason that people fail, is because they  have no real want to achieve this task in hand. And if you force yourself to pick up something new, then it is more likely to make you quit, rather than start loving it. Don’t be hard on yourself, only make a change you have passion to keep to. Change is hard, but if you want it, you can do it. Doing something because you feel that it is something you need to do, not because you want to, is lining yourself up for failure.

So I wish you all a happy start to 2012, and hope that you do things that you want. If you are happy and feel content, it will spread to other people who. Joy is contagious, so make 2012 the most joyful yet, and live every day like it’s your last.

Run Like The Wind, Bullseye!

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

This would be an update, if there was anything of value to update about. There isn’t so it’s not. Simple.

I hope that everyone on the land of the internet had a happy Christmas, or whatever winter holiday it is you may celebrate. Even if you didn’t have any celebratory holidays, then I hope you are enjoying winter and all the warmth that comes with it. Unless it is summer where you are… I give up.

I like Christmas. I like that it is a time where life slows down, and you can spend time with those you love. Christmas, like all religious holidays, has been picked on for effecting state too much, and that there should be less focus on it. I find that this is unsettling. People are becoming very intolerant over what others do. If someone wants to celebrate something, why shouldn’t they? People shouldn’t be offended if it does no harm to anyone. There is enough bad feeling in this world, without stomping over people’s time of celebration.

The truth is, I don’t particular link myself to any religion. But as a child I went to Sunday School, I had a bible, I learnt the stories. To me, as a book worm, I loved the books I would get, and hence grew up on the stories. And that is what they were to me, stories that had lessons and morality. As a child, these bible stories were nothing different to the fairy stories I read. And my ethics on the whole thing hasn’t changed. Noah and the Ark is still a brilliant story all these years later, and I can see why people find comfort in it.

It must be great thinking that someone is keeping an eye on you from above, there to guide you in the right direction. I don’t believe it, but I do respect those who do have faith in something like that. I need to see proof and think too much about the logics of religion, which leaves me a bit cold about the whole ‘greater being’ thing. But I do like the lessons and the characters. I can see why people do look to find answers in religion, as it tries to teach you lessons throughout the various books and scriptures. It is comfort, it is direction, it helps bring famillies together and gives people a reason to be alive.

Why, if a book can give so much hope to a person, would you want them to stop celebrating what they have discovered? If it doesn’t harm you, why harm them and what they do?

*Irrelevant blog titles a go-go. 🙂 I know this may not make sense, but hey it’s a few things I have been thinking about. *

Not with a fizzle, but with a bang.

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Not really. I have been watching Easy A, so that title seemed to dedicate itself to being on a blog entry

It has been 24 hours since my phone has been doused in coffee, and it went all huffy. Well, it is not 100% yet. I did manage to switch it on ok, but it quickly froze and wouldn’t switch back on. So, back in the rice it went. Where it still is.

The saddest thing about it all, is how lost I feel without my phone. Over the last few years, I have got used to doing EVERYTHING through my phone, from blogging, to taking pictures, to sending emails. When something THAT useful is taken away from you, it feels strange, and you realise how dependant you have become on the one product.

Whilst having an all-in-one product is great, and is what every technology company seems to be aiming for, there is a few downsides. The reason that I still have my music seperate from my phone, for instance, is because I just like having it on it’s own. And in moments, where I am phone-less, like now, I can still listen to my favourite band on my walk to work.  And that’s it really. Whilst it may be more convenient to have an iPhone for everything, it may not work out so good when it goes down, and you find you can’t access everything. You rely on that one thing so much, that if you don’t have it, you lose out on a lot.

Back, even as few as 10 years ago, a mobile phone was that, a phone which was mobile. You could text  and phone, and that was pretty much all it was used for. If you lost it, then you would just find a payphone or housephone to use for your call. But now, There are less payphones on the streets and more people are going without a landline for their homes all because more people have mobile phones. So that is annoying, then your emails, lack of Twitter access make you realise that it isn’t just a mobile phone anymore. Even the basic feature phones have more uses than just for phoning people. And when it is gone, you are left with nothing.

It makes the value on things such as books, music, photos, things that are frequently used as modes of expressionism, to decrease. The actual price won’t, but they are becoming nothing but files. And files, as anyone who has dealt moderately with a computer can tell you, can easily become corrupt or locked, with the user losing access to it. And this is where the digital con comes in. If you lose an album on your ipod, because it is corrupt, you delete it and head for the itunes store to get another copy. But, unless you pay again, you won’t get another copy. I am sure that I am not the only technology user who has been bitten by this. Yes you can back things up, but what if that goes wrong and won’t load. What if you lose hundreds of pounds worth of music, books, etc?

This is why I like having things separate, and having physical copies of things. Yes, the world of the mp3 download has made my life a lot easier. Especially when it comes to buying records that I can’t buy or order anywhere in a physical form. But if I can, I will always buy a CD or record before an MP3. I will always buy a book, before an ebook. And I will always have a camera and iPod, separate from my phone.

It maybe sounds crazy, but it is who I am. Crazy. 🙂 And without my iPod I would have no music to entertain me when I am on my walks. What do you think? How do you prefer your technology?

Music- Peter And The Test Tube Babies- I’m the Leader of the Gang

Caffeinated Technology

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My Blackberry decided jump in my breakfast coffee. Something that is awesome as it caused the screen to stop working. Again. RIM, I have a question. If something happens to a Blackberry why is it always the screen that stops working?? No other phone I own is like that.

So, the poor little Bold 9700, is now in a Tupperware box of uncooked rice, after I found out that is a good way of drawing moisture out of the phone. I have heard of the logic before, but I have no idea how it works. If you search online for help, like I did, the rice idea is the most popular, and most basic fix available.  But, as long as you stay away from the hair drier (makes condensation in phone), leaving it for a few days should get it back on track.  I hope.

I am sceptical of this working, but I have it on good authority it works. So I hope it can be saved, and I’ll have him back working in a few days. I hope.  I love it how I am always broke when things like this happen. -.-

Winter Warmer

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I love winter, I can honestly say it is my favourite season of the year. Something, that always gets me a lot of strange looks, because why would you like winter. I love the freshness that is in the air on an icy morning. and how breathing it can make me feel alive. It makes me appreciate living in Scotland, as I do, because I don’t have to deal with too much pollution or anything like that. It is fresh, and I am so greatful for that.

I also love the idea of coming into a warm house after being outside. I have seen myself get overwhelmed by the warmth when I open the door to get in. You have the emotional warmth of returning home, and the actual warmth compared to outside. It is nice. It is reassuring. It’s something you only get during the colder winter months.

I like winter better than other seasons because everything feels so magical. There is a lot of celebration and evaluation. It includes the one time of the year, where the focus is on family. It is a shame that that ethos is never carried through the rest of the year, when I think about it. You should take every chance to show love to those around you, and let them know how much you appreciate them.

I just adore winter, and I am glad it is here. Happy winter.

 

Christmas Wishes

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It is that time of the year again. I am back from another exhausting shopping experience in the run-up to Christmas. I don’t mind Christmas. I love the warmth you get from showing love to those around you, and the knowledge that you have gifted someone something that someone truely needs or wants.

The thing I don’t like is the actual shopping, and how every person goes crazy. The shops are full, the salespeople are losing the will to live as the days get busier. Its just crazy. The whole experience leaves you tired, broke and sometimes depressed. The pressure put on people for buying the ‘right gift’ and the stress of even trying to manoeuvre around a shop.

It takes away the whole feeling of Christmas. It isn’t about store-bought cards and over-priced trinkets, its about showing love to those around you. The traditional meaning of Christmas has been lost over the last few decades, and it is sad. It’s the hardest time of the year for a lot of people, and a letter within a card, means a lot more than some cheap deodorant.

So spread the love this Christmas. Tell everyone you love, how you feel. Spread the positivity, in the hope that it will make a difference to someone’s Christmas. Write a well meaning note inside every card, and let people know how you feel about them.

Listening to- Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer

Drinking- a nice hot Mocha

Asking For Help?

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I have always lived by the ideal, that if you need help you ask for it. If you are struggling with something, go and ask advice off someone you know that has had similar experiences to yourself. Get thoughts and opinions, to help back up what you think, and to help get you get out of whatever funk you are in.

But I do have a problem. And it comes into play, when people ask ME for help. As soon as I feel someone looking to me for guidance, I get nervous, my brain panics and scrolls through 100 thoughts in a minutes. And yet, I don’t know how to react. It is the one thing I go ‘rabbit in the headlights’ over. Since my stance on sharing thoughts, it seems a little strange that I can over-react to what is sometimes a straight-forward situation. But I do.

Whether it is asking for directions (something I suck at, avoid asking me this AT ALL) or advice on general, I panic. I try to be objective, and give useful advice, but I get a bit iffy when I know that information is not what that person wants to hear. It mostly happens when someone is being treated like shit by their partner, and I try to speak my mind, but don’t want to hurt the person. Love is blind, and it also takes away all common sense as well, it seems.

So I struggle over the words, mostly because I have to figure out how to say things. I am a fan of the ‘positive sandwich’, where I say something nice, then nasty and finish with something nice. It seems to not make me feel so vicious.  In theory anyway. But after I give out my comments, I then think that if I had said the negative on it’s own, would it have made a bigger statement? Would the message have hit home better? Sure it would hurt, but sometimes the most beneficial things in the long term, do involve some pain.

I mean, I would hope people would be honest enough with me. Life sucks, but it would suck even more if every person was sheltered from the truth. What do you think? How do you deal with giving or receiving advice?

Listening to- Rancid- Ruby Soho

Thinking- Xbox update? Go and hurry up please.

 

All Change?

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Changing your website seems to be something which is rather fashionable right now. Every website or internet based product I use seems to be doing an end-of-year update. Whilst, this is something I know is important, to keep sites feeling fresh, I just seem to see it happening a lot right now.

Maybe it is just the services I use. It’s not like the service provided by these sites are changing, just how I find things. It involves a change of habit, and those aren’t always so easy to change. I think that people’s negative opinion of change stems from the fact that people in general, are afraid of change. So, in defence, any change is met with an over-bearing sense of hostility, as if acting in such a way will get rid of the change that is threatening them.

Which as noble as your anger is, it doesn’t make the slightest difference, as change is going to happen. It is a hard fact of life that nothing will stay static forever. So the quicker you can accept change, the happier you will be. I mean, there is enough stresses in modern-day existence without creating more stress over nothing. I mean if YouTube stopped you from viewing and uploading videos, then fine, but they haven’t. Just changed the layout. Yes you have to learn new paths to get what you want, but the stuff you want and need is still there. So no need to be angry and vengeful against the site’s creators for trying to make things a bit different. Change happens to us all, so try not be so untrusting of it.
Listening to- Miss America by The Fates (watch the video below)

PS- Umm… the snow at the bar at the top is playing with my eyes. So strange.

To be inspired

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Reading books, watching TV, listening to music, everyone has something that makes them want to better themselves. Something that makes you want to take on the world, and feel like you can win whilst doing so. This is something that is certainly not lost on me, as I try to gain inspiration from a lot of sources.

I am coming up with a problem though. I don’t know if it is a case of seeing ‘too much’ around me, or if it is because I just think too much. When you read a book you like or listen to your favourite album, they spur you on, as you try to emulate their success. But for success to be valid, there needs to be failure, to balance it out. Just like how you can’t get light without dark, you can’t get success without failure. And after thinking about this, I have been lead down the path that has me wondering if the balance between success and failure is applicable to the one person’s life, or if it is people who are deemed success or failure.

I guess it could be either, but my head tends to liken it to being a person by person kind of thing. So if someone is a failure, it means someone else can be a success. That always sounds a bit of a ‘glass is half empty’ kind of logic, and I guess that is always how I have thought. I have always preferred to look at the worst case scenario, rather than the best, as I feel it is a cushion for the disappointment I feel when things don’t go my way. Except, it isn’t a very good cushion,  because it still hurts when I don’t do well in something.

There is a school of thought, that teaches you, that if you are thinking of the negative, you will not see the good things, for all the negativity. Now whilst I think that is a very valid point, is something that is very difficult to get round, when you are used to thinking in a certain way. To step away from the negativity, you need to re-train your whole way of thinking, and that is no easy task. Especially if you have been thinking in said way, for almost the whole 27 years of your existence.

I guess, I keep on trying. I keep on trying to be inspired, and change my mindset. I get days where things change for a few days, maybe even a week, but then it changes back, and I find myself back at square one. This back and forth is one of the hardest things for me to accept about myself. It’s like everytime that I reach a landmark, and really feel good about myself, something happens and I just fall back into a pile of self-doubt.

The good news is, that there are more good days, than bad days right now. Having a lack of motivation to be creative is a big weight on my shoulders. It has happened over the last few years, where I struggled hard with depression. It is a situation where I find myself, that I can’t be creative. I get ideas, but then think ‘what’s the point’, it’s not going to lead anywhere. And I think that is the thing that is derailing me the most. The fact that I can’t see where I am to go. I feel stagnant, that I am not moving forward, so what’s the point?

When you have thoughts like that in your head, it’s really hard to try and see the positive out of anything.

Music: Left Alone- City to City (feat. Tim Armstrong)

 

 

Forgotten?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I think a big factor into posting things online is momentum. When you get into a run of posting, you do it again without much thought. Well, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, because obviously, especially in blogs, some kind of thought has to happen. But if you get out of habit of thinking up topics, writing an entry regularly becomes a cumbersome task.

That is the situation I have found myself in about now. Which is a pain, because I blog a LOT normally. It is not through lack of not trying, I have had many an open entry, which have gone unused. So I am doing this on my phone, because I am finding that if I want to do something, I should do it right then. Whilst the inspiration is there, I should take it up.

But I hope I still have readers somewhere who I want to say sorry to. If not, then this has been me talking to myself. Not that unusual, I do it all the time. Gets me a lot of strange looks.

Watching- Gilmore Girls
Eating- cheese & pickle sandwhich
Drinking- coffee