Counting Steps

January 15, 2016 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

In a bid to get healthier, I am recording what I eat as well as monitoring my physical activity. The aim of this is to record when I am doing well, to try and spurn me on to do more. Whilst this all sounds great, it doesn’t necessarily work out like that. I have a habit of being inspired for a few days, and then falling down a bit, which happens. The problem is, that you can see this on your fitness tracker, and it can sometimes have the opposite effect. It can make any lack of activity look a lot bigger and more important, than what it actually is.

I have a Fitbit Charge, which is like a watch. It shows time, steps taken, distance walked, and flights of stairs climbed. If I am active, like at work or walking round the coast, it is very useful. It is something I would recommend to people looking to become more active, but don’t take the data too seriously. It can be very easy to be discouraged if you don’t hit target. It is something that happens, whilst it is nice to aim for 10,000 steps a day, you should beat yourself up if you don’t reach your target.

I walk an average of 15-18000 steps a day when I am working. And if I have my fitbit on, it uses a LOT of the battery, purely because I am doing a lot of activity. Now, the Charge is supposed to last up to 3 days on a single charge, which doesn’t happen. In fact, I the Charge will last till the end of the day. This means, that if you want to use it for monitoring your sleep (another function of the product), you wouldn’t be able to have a heavily active day before or after the night you use it. But, as I write this I have realised something, a lot of people maybe don’t use it as a watch that they wear all day. Fortunately I charge my Fitbit overnight, and wear it all day at work. Unless I forget to charge it, or lose the charger (both happen frequently), and then I will go without.

Overall, I would recommend the Fitbit or any fitness tracker for anyone who is looking become more active. The biggest thing I would say that is a challenge about using a fitness tracker to improve your health is finding routine. Like every change really. If you are unorganised, like me, it may take you a while to remember to wear your device every day. But, I has made me more active, I love walking, and the fitbit helps give me aims about it. If you are unsure whether a fitness tracker is right for you, there are many apps available for mobile phones, which also work quite well. That’s what I did first, to see if I found that kind of thing useful, and i obviously did.

Does anyone else use apps and devices to track their activity and is it working?

Just Keep Swimming…

January 13, 2016 ~ Sue ~ 2 Comments

So the other day, I wrote an entry on here, which was probably the most personal thing I have written on here in a long time. I was emotional, and was rambling A LOT. But it was honest, and that is what I am trying to be a bit more of. More honest with myself, about how I feel and telling people how I feel. These are things that I struggle with. Which is why blogging is something that helps me so much. I can try and think about what’s in my head, and be honest about it, without imposing it on the folks around me. I mean, people have their own stuff to deal with, they don’t need my pedantic rubbish forced on them.

Anyways, after posting my blog on Monday, I just went to bed. I had been crying a lot, and that makes me tired. Plus, I was sick of Monday, by that point, I just wanted it to go away. So, I went to bed and fell asleep pretty quick. Which was probably the best way to deal with feeling that crap. Because if I sit after feeling like that, I can start to feel worse. I could be sitting watching TV, but my brain has different ideas and seems to just make me feel worse. So, I expressed all the negativity, and then just attempted to switch off from the world. I am actually surprised that it worked, to be honest. Just close the day off, as a disaster.

On Tuesday when I woke up, I didn’t want the day to become another mess, so I just wrote myself a to-do list and focused on each bit one by one. I had a plan, and felt focused. There was nothing else I could do about how I felt the day before, so I attempted to make Tuesday better than Monday was. Usually, this kind of thing doesn’t work, and I end up dwelling on whatever negativity has happened before. But, before I could back out, I put on a 90s pop playlist on Spotify and before I knew it, I was tidying up whilst dancing to Faithless and Britney Spears. And I became so determined, that by the end of the day, all the rubbish I have been hoarding for years was in rubbish bags, and the floor had even been hoovered. Sounds like nothing, but I have been needing to do that for months.

I was so upset on Monday, because I felt like all that planning to positive in 2016 had crumbled at the very first obstacle. But, that ended up not being the main focus, for myself. It is that I moved on from it, and then had a successful and productive day. And it gave me a bit of hope for the next year ahead. Maybe I won’t do everything I aim to do, I am not perfect. But, if I can learn how to cope with the failures,in a manner like I did this week, then maybe 2016 will be better than 2015.

Just have to have faith in myself.

Me Versus Food

January 11, 2016 ~ Sue ~ 2 Comments

I am 31 years old, and spent most of my life invisible. Not getting into fights, not hurting anyone, not hating anything. Doing everything I have been able to do, to stop any attention on myself. But, I am kind of lying here. I do hate something, and that something always has been food.

When I was 13, I got my first job delivering a local newspaper. I was starting to have problems at school, with people calling me names and making me feel like shit. I had friends, but whilst I could have the best times with them, I never really felt I could confide in anyone. So to make me feel better I decided to use my new income to buy something to make me feel better. Because I was getting under £5 a week (was a really shitty paper round), I could afford a magazine and one other thing. That other thing was usually junk food. A multipack of Wotsits, just cause they were my favourites. I’d eat them through the week, when I ‘needed’ a boost. That was just the start of it.

As I got older and as life got that bit harder, I guess I turned to food more and more. It became easier to eat a bag of Doritos than actually speak to someone about how I was feeling. And it has caused me a lot of problems. My health, is biggest problem. I have tried to deal with my weight, a lot, but as soon as I try to focus on succeeding, it is like my thoughts are diverted to think about failing instead. About being in a worse state than I am already. About being one of these people who dies in a room, that has to be lifted out their window by forklift, because they can longer fit through their own front door. Yes, my brain jumps to conclusions, but that is what it does. Makes me wonder what the point is of trying to make any change.

Just walking down the street makes change hard. In my local High Street area of less than 20 shops, there are 3 bakeries, 3 cafes, 2 chip shops, 1 pizza shop, 1 chinese takeaway and 1 Indian. And that is not including the 2 supermarkets and 2 paper shops, which also sell food. And most of the food is crap. Or they do sell salads, but it is hidden behind all the fizzy drinks and fatty snacks that I find so comforting. I want some healthy pasta, I must walk past cakes, pizzas, pastries, chocolate and just shit, which is usually cheaper than the healthy stuff. And I always crumble, because just walking past all that crap makes me feel so shit, that I crave that same shit to make me feel better. It’s some fucked up cycle of thoughts sponsored by sugar addiction and lack of care for myself.

And that is maybe the worst feeling. I know I am unhealthy. I know I am shortening my own life span. But, I can’t help it. I do try, but the accusations of not trying ‘hard enough’ just makes me give up. Not eating enough is classed as a mental health issue. Which is good. But us that over-eat, we are just fat, lazy and incompetent. Sometimes, I think that my life would be easier if food wasn’t a requirement for life. Then it wouldn’t be featured on TV so much, in every newspaper, every website, just everywhere. Whenever I see food, I feel bad. It would be easy just to have block button, like you do on social media, where everything to do with food would disappear from my life. It would then make it easier to deal with.

I want to blame other people for feeling like this. But it is all my fault. They say silly jokes. Jokes that aren’t funny to me. Jokes that make me want to cry. But that isn’t anyone else’s fault. It’s not their fault I find it hard to talk. To people anyway. I just need to find a new way to deal with things, that isn’t me eating some greasy salty shit. Just don’t quite know how to do that.

Yet.

Back To Normal

January 4, 2016January 4, 2016 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

This is the day where everything has officially returned to normal. The Christmas decorations are all away, which leaves everything looking less… well, happy. Everywhere looks so alive with all the lights and tinsel, now it all just looks empty.

What do you do to fill that ’emptiness’?

Well, because I was pretty disappointed with what I achieved (or didn’t achieve) last year, I felt I’d take a new approach. Try to make my life busy, and towards some end goals. Goals that include learning to drive, being more creative and eating healthier. Which sounds pretty standard right. But, I am trying to get away from thinking of them as resolutions. Going to do wee things every day, or try to. Hopefully, if I forget one or even all my goals one day, I can focus on the next day. Do my best.

It’s going to get harder as I go back to work later this week. And that makes me lazy. My job has me on my feet all day, and because I am so tired afterwards, it is so easy to do nothing. And that’s the wee bit I need to change. Make sure that I keep active when I come home. That I do something, no matter what it is. Something other than simply vegging in front of the TV.

Let’s make 2016 the best year yet.

New Year, New Me?

January 1, 2016 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Maybe not.

Not that there is anything wrong with trying to better yourself. I think that every new day is another opportunity the better yourself and make the day better than yesterday. It is good that people use the start of a new year, as a perfect way too try and set any plans in motion. And it is easy to see why so many people do it.

Personally, I know that I have a high failure rate when I have made New Year’s resolutions previously. I will maybe do okay for a few days or, if lucky, a few weeks. But, then, I lose focus, slip up, lose all momentum, and then quit. It’s not because of the task itself, I think it’s because of the build up and putting myself under so much pressure to succeed. Add into the mix that I have quite a bad fear of failure, there is only one way things tend to go.

So, I am trying to take one day at a time, rather than generalising the whole year. It makes things a bit easier for me to deal with, as the periods of time I try to make better, are a lot smaller. And, if I do slip up, it’s only one day. There is a new one tomorrow, and that one will be better. At least I hope that is the case. I have been trying to eat a bit healthier, and that is something that I find easier taking one day at a time. Mostly, because I try to plan a week in advance and I just go eat some crisps instead.

I love the metaphor that the start of a new year is a start of a new book, I like to think that every day is a different page of that book. That helps me visualise where I am on a certain day, and the idea is of turning the page away from a bad day is soothing to me. I don’t know why. It does help my anxiety levels, as I feel more in control.

As long as people are trying to better themselves, any attempts should be applauded. Whatever the success rate.

Happy Hogmanay

December 31, 2015 ~ Sue ~ 2 Comments

It’s the last day of 2015, and it’s time to be thankful for the year that’s past. Sometime’s it can be hard to find the positives, as it feels we are hard wired to only focus on the negative stuff.

The celebrations are big here in Scotland. Every major city has it’s own celebrations. From the Edinburgh Street Party to Stonehaven’s Fireball Ceremony, and lots of fireworks. Thousands of people will celebrate it public parties, but celebrating in home is also part of the Hogmanay fun. As soon as the bells toll at midnight, people start knocking on the doors of their neighbours, to wish well for the year ahead. This is called first-footing, as in the first foot through the door. If the first person through your door is tall and dark, it’s seen as good luck.

One of the most famous part of the Hogmanay celebrations is the singing of Auld Lang Syne written by Rabbie Burns. It’s become popular all over the world when celebrating the new year. So, to help you prepare for the singing of the song, I have put the lyrics below.

Thank you if you have read any of my posts this year, I really appreciate it. And I also wish you all a braw Hogmanay and a bonnie start to 2016. Cheers.

What day is it?

December 30, 2015 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I don’t really know. I always find it hard to keep track of the days over the festive period. Which can be a bit of a nightmare when you are working during that time.

Like, last week and this week I have only worked 2 days, instead of my usual 4, and that alone is enough to throw me off. It isn’t helped by the fact that a lot of the days are named, like tomorrow goes from being Thursday to being called New Year’s Eve, and Friday is New Year’s Day. And, I just get a bit lost in it all.

The truth is, that as the years seem to past faster as we get older, this mish-mash of the days just seems to add to that feeling. I guess the only reason years seem to go faster, is that each year we live, becomes less significant. I don’t mean that in a bad way. But if you are 16, each year is 1/16 of your life, which is more significant (percentage wise) than a 40 year old, where each year is 1/40 of someone’s life. Maybe, that’s why it feels like each year gets shorter, because we live more and more of them.

I am aware that probably won’t make sense to anyone reading. But, after some pondering, it kind of made sense to me.

Picture Time

December 29, 2015 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I have been super lazy over Christmas, as usually I go for a long walk around the local area. This year, I have sat at home, watched too much TV and ate my weight in chocolate. In a bid to try and give myself some energy, I thought I’d go for a walk in Dunfermline, and took some pictures. My legs were tired afterwards, but it was a nice day for a walk, and the Park in town was super busy. I like seeing that other people are out and about too.

Andrew Carnegie Statue, Pittencrieff Park, Dunfermline

Wee saying at the playpark in Pittencrieff Park, Dunfermline. Much of the playpark was burnt down many years ago, so the words are apt.

House of Pittencrieff, Pittencrieff Park, Dunfermline

Dunfermline Abbey, as viewed from Pittencrieff Park, Dunfermline

Looking at a very full river, that runs through Pittencrieff Park

The full river again, with a small bandstand overlooking it

There are a lot of bridges in Pittencrieff Park, as the different footpaths criss-cross one another.

The map of Pittencrieff Park, so you dont get lost

Accomplished

December 23, 2015 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

That is my Christmas organised. Everything is either already been given, or is sitting under the tree waiting to be opened. And it feels pretty great.

Today, I heard people complain on how Christmas is stressful, and they wish they could cancel it. Christmas is one of the least stressful things, for me. I like the idea of finding a gift for a loved one, to let them know I care about them. It’s a bit of a ‘thank you’ for sticking by me for, yet another, disappointing year. And, as I get older, I am appreciating Christmas as the time I get to catch up with old friends, even just for a coffee. It’s that one time of the year, where everything seems to slow down and we can catch our breath.

However, there have been a few years not long past, where I did struggle at Christmas. Where in the run up, I felt lonely, despite being surrounded by people. I realise now, that the loneliness was something in my head, which at the time, only seemed to make me feel isolated. I faked my way through it though, to scared of letting anyone down any more than I needed to. That is not a good way for anybody to feel at any time of the year, but the festive period has a habit of exaggerating any feelings of negativity.

My way through the bad feelings was to try and ignore them. And whilst it may have made the people around me oblivious, it made my mental health so much worse in the long run.

So if you are feeling sad this Christmas please speak out. Your friends, family and colleagues do care about you, and may not try to help if you don’t say anything. They maybe don’t want to pry. But say you are finding things stressful, people will try and help you.

If you feel like you have no one to talk to, there is always somewhere to turn at this particularly emotional time of year. Please visit http://www.samaritans.org or call 116 123 (UK & Ireland) for free and confidential help.

Holidays? What holidays?

December 22, 2015 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

People around me are happy, as they break off for their annual 2 week ‘Christmas holidays’. I am happy for them, I really am. I just wish that I could get a proper holiday too.

Since I got my first real job at a bakery when I was 16, I have always worked around Christmas. In shops, call centres or, like now, a warehouse. All things that really can’t shut down for 2 weeks, because people still need stuff. They need food, services and exchange what they maybe didn’t like for Christmas. The hospitals stay open, as do restaurants. The world keeps turning, not like it did when I was younger over the festive period.

One of the problems with working this time of the year, particularly if working with the public, is other people’s impatience. At Christmas, people expect miracles, that maybe can’t be delivered. I mean, a custom Christmas cake or an engineer to fix your TV won’t happen on Christmas Eve night. But people expect it too. As if their holiday is supposed to be perfect, but not anyone else’s.

So, be nice to any workers you encounter over this festive period. I’m sure they would rather be at home with their famillies, and enjoy some downtime. Christmas is a very expensive time of year, and everyone is just trying to make things a bit better for their families. And maybe, not everyone gets to spend anything other than a few days with their loved ones.

The festive season is supposed to be thinking about others. So make sure you do that. Think about those serving you this Christmas, and please be nice to them.