Sometime’s I feel that what I type here, gets ignored. It is something that is said to me a lot, as if it demeans the meaning of the words that I write.
But it doesn’t.
I write this blog because I want to. Because it helps clear my head, and it is a place where I can say what I want to. The idea that someone might read what I write is nice, but it isn’t for anyone else. If someone sees it, and thinks ‘I can write better than that’, then great. They can start their own blog, and talk about what matters to them.
I started this blog to document my personal journey to becoming a graphic designer. My plan has kind of been uprouted, more than once. And right now I am unemployed, trying to get work, and trying to get a passion for life again. It is more than money, it is about feeling satisfied. And I hope, that as well as recording what I have done in the last few years, it will record my life as I get back on my feet. That isn’t for the purpose of anyone else, really. Someone may read this blog, and see that feelings and things all come in cycles. There are good times and bad times, and all people can do is to ride it out. And this site is proof to myself that I can get through it.
I am not where I want to be yet, but my journey is far from over, so this blog will continue. And I will try to be as honest as possible doing it.
10,000 views for this blog. It may not seem very much to some, but it is a milestone that passed a few weeks ago. I have no idea how my nonsense managed to get that many views, especially when my own visits aren’t counted.
I have been through quite a journey over the last several years, and this blog has documented it. I maybe haven’t gone as far as I would have liked in my ‘career’, but I have learnt a lot about myself and who I am. And, I think that is the best thing to come out of this blog. That despite everything, I am proud of the person who I have become. I am thankful as I reminisce about periods of my life I didn’t appreciate because I was so self-obsessed and depressed (2 things that incidentally are very closely connected).
That is maybe why I am so overbearingly PMA right now. Most of my early 20s were filled with me wanting to kill myself, because I saw myself as a failure. I spent night, after night alone, and this ‘ lack of a life’ became the focus of EVERYTHING. And when you spend all your time thinking about something so negative, it does get you down. It was only when I started forcing myself to do things as small as going for walks, that I left behind my negative mindset. And it has changed my life.
So here I am sitting on my bed, blogging from my iPad (laptop charger is toast) and wondering about who reads my crazy ramblings. Whether I have influenced someone, or whether someone has found comfort in what I have written. These may seem like ‘lofty ambitions’, but it is the magic of words. How letters and words typed by someone you don’t know can help you through something. It’s really beautiful really, and I think every writer, be it blogger, journalist, novelist or anything, wants their words to connect with people. To find an audience, and to speak to them.
The fact that people even glance at what I have to say, gives me a sense of achievement. And I want to thank every person who has ever read my blog at all. Thank you for keeping my dreams alive. I really appreciate it.