Tag: random

The Best Laid Plans

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I had all these plans that I was going to do tonight once I had finished work. I came home, ordered some dinner, and proceeded to do nothing instead. I tell myself that ‘it’s fine’, though I am grateful my to-do list doesn’t have an expiry date. But even if it did, things would probably still not get done.

Procrastination is my best friend, till the things pile up too high, and we fall out. I wonder if it will be old age that ‘gets me’, or will I slip on a rogue sock, collapsing into a pile of belongings that are scattered everywhere. I have this problem, where if I don’t physically see something, I forget it exists. I wear the same 3 or 4 t-shirts, because they are the ones that sit on the top of everything. So if the next time you see me, and I am wearing the same thing as the last time you saw me, it’s probably because I just didn’t tidy it away.

When tidying, I start off so well. I will fill a bag with crap, start a pile of t-shirts and hoodies. Then I find a magazine that I bought 2 months ago, flipped through, and never read properly. So, I sit amongst the mess, having a thorough read, whilst I ask myself whether I needed to buy the magazine in the first place. I should never have bought the magazine, it is boring, it can go to be recycled. Well, it gets added to a bag for recycling, that will probably sit there till the next time I try to tidy up. Because now, I am stuck. I look around at the mess that has somehow got worst in my attempt to tidy up, and I start panicking. Stupid. Useless. The horrible things that come to mind when failure, once again, rears its head.

If you don’t try, you can’t fail. I was working today, it’s a long shift, it’s okay to just relax. There is always tomorrow. I guess I will simply try again then.

Exhausting

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

I am tired.

The kind of tired that weighs on your mind, constantly.

The kind of tired that doesn’t go away with a sleep.

The kind of tired that is more emotional than physical.

It’s left me utterly exhausted.

So exhausted I can feel it in my bones.

There is a constant haze.

It starts in my mind, and it can make me physically sick.

But people brush off my comments.

I just need some sleep.

Must be working to hard.

As if an answer was so easy

Merry Christmas

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

It’s the one day of the year, where everyone gets to spend time with their loved ones. It is maybe family, it’s maybe friends, it’s maybe even someone you haven’t met in real life. Some people just prefer to get absorbed in something they love, like a book, TV show, or computer game.

It doesn’t really matter what you do. As long as you try and benefit from that one time of the year where everything slows down. Where shops close, TV channels play limitless movies, and there seems to be food everywhere. It is nice to take time out of the everyday life, which can easily get on top of a person.

I hope that everyone reading this, has the chance to spend the festive period surrounded by love, however you find it.

Get To Know Me (BEDA)

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

**I have been getting no sleep recently, so thought I’d post a wee questionnaire as my brain isn’t functioning enough to write anything proper**

1- What does the last text you sent say? And to whom? Was to my friend, Gemma, letting her know I was off the bus and heading round to hers.

2-  What does the last text you recieved say? And from whom? From EE, telling me my phone bill was ready to view.

3- What time do you wake up most mornings? 6am, I start work at 8. If I am off work I usually wake up before 9am.

4- Are you afraid of walking alone at night? No. Never have had any fear of going anywhere on my one. 

5- What do you do to relax at the end of a stressful day? If it has been a really bad day, I love to have a bath.

6- Where did your last kiss take place and with whom? 😶

7- Do/did you get into trouble a lot at school? Nope. I was really quiet at school, kept myself to myself.

8- Do you enjoy your job? If unemployed, are you content being so? I work at a warehouse, it’s not the best job. But there is great people there and I get a lot of time to think.

9-  Do you often pick up on double entendres and innuendos? Sometimes. I am not too ‘quick on the draw’ so I’ll normally pick up once someone else laughs.

10- Have you ever met someone who has completely altered your way of thinking? Not really. I have read stories of others which has caused me to re-evaluated my own life. Particularly when learning about those lives so different from my own.

11- What is something you have given a lot of thought to lately? The natural world. It makes me feel so insignificant, and I find that super comforting. 

12- Do you usually initiate hugs? No! I feel super awkward, and don’t like imposing myself into someone else’s personal space.

13- What are you looking forward to? I am going on holiday to Portugal in October to watch Scotland play international football. So excited.

14- Do you have any tattoos. Do you want any/more? I have 7 tattoos, and have been craving a new one for a while. But I need to decide on a design first. 

15- Are you mentally strong? Kind of. I struggle with both depression and social anxiety, and I can struggle when things get stressful. But, I don’t give up. I have always worked hard, and haven’t been taken time away from work with mental health days. Although sometimes I have needed it.

16- Are you physically strong? Nope. 

17- Do you think you’re a good person? I always like to think I will always try to do good things. 

18- Name one thing you wish you could change about your life right now. I always wish I had stuck in at school more, and followed my gut more. I became very apathetic with education, despite carrying on with it. I wish I had left it, and just worked hard. I just needed to believe that there is always time to go back to education later. 

Procastination Central

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Believe it or not, I have a list of topics that I have planned to write about. I have had this list for quite a while, and it is getting longer rather than shorter. This is what happens when you have lots of ideas, but no momentum to put any of those ideas into action. It is one trait of mine that I hate, because I do it with everything.

It sometimes worries me how much effort I put into not doing something. It would probably be easier to do the task I am avoiding, to be fair. I didn’t always have this problem, I think it came along when I was at school, when I realised that I could get out of doing something by simply doing something else. And it made no change to life or anything, so it became habit. Now, if there are things that I am struggling with, I do something else. When I say ‘struggle’, that also includes me not wanting to do something because I am a lazy person.

But, I do find, that if I get up and moving, things become a lot easier. I become a lot less likely to put things off. Like today, I did some tidying up that had been needing done for way too long. As a result, I feel like I have achieved something, which gives me motivation to achieve more. I am guessing that it must be something like the adreneline that you get when you exercise. The feel good factor that spurns us on, keeps us going. It’s all nature. That to get the blood pumping round our system for any motivation, we need to start moving first. Which can be hard when you struggle to get out of your bed sometimes.

Anyways, a blog is better than no blog, as I do like to update this page. It just isn’t as heavily organised as I’d like it to be. But that’s okay. I just need to get the blood pumping to get that motivation going to create quality content. Because this, is just nonsense.

Hating for hatred’s sake.

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

It doesn’t take any effort, nor time, to hear about hatred. It isn’t necessarily about there being more hate, just that it is publicised more. It is in the newspapers, on the TV screens and strewn across social networks. It is reported, as well as boasted about by some.

I believe that hate is an adequate emotion to feel, despite how strong it appears to be. But because it is such a strong emotion, it evokes a strong reaction from other people. If someone can’t relate to the hatred that the see before them, then they react in an equally angry way, which can add fuel to a situation.

Anger and hatred, seems to incite anger and hatred. If you express what you feel in such a manner, it could come across as aggressive. That may not be intentional, it’s just that the emotions connected it are so strong, that they could be deceived as being aggressive.

So when we see more highly emotive attacks or intolerances being commited or reported in our vision, we can get angry. Intolerance is something that I dislike, so when I see people hating for no reason than their own lack of understanding, I get angry. I think that people need to take a step outside of their personal ‘bubbles’, and be aware that other people exist. Because, I don’t think some people seem to realise it. It is what they do and think, and that it is it. No-one else’s feelings or thoughts even come into the equation.

People need to become a lot more considerate. Before anyone says or does something to another person, they should think about how they would feel in the other person’s shoes. Not enough people do that.

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Uch, this has been one of those blog posts where I didn’t know how to say what I wanted to. So sometimes, it is a good idea just to type my thoughts and see what comes out. So, if something makes sense it is awesome. 🙂