As you may have noticed, there was no post yesterday. No particular reason, other than my head was in a bit of a mess. I think I gave myself too much to do, as it was my only day off. So, I do what I do, when I sense failure, and freaked out a little bit.

Fear of failure is a big trigger for my anxiety, and has been for a long time. If I can sense things going a bit iffy, then my brain automatically jumps to the point where I fail completely. This can cause meltdowns, panic attacks, and a internal degrading (making myself feel like a stupid shit). I think, seeing those things written down can take the impact out of those words. It doesn’t seem too bad, when it actually is awful. It’s the irrational panic that can be caused by the slightest thing falling through, be it plans with a friend, or that I simply didn’t find a particular item in the shop. Its a horrible thing.

What I have been trying ŧo do is not give up on things. For example, I didn’t follow my weightwatcher’s plan last week, but I am back on it now. Again, my head was a mess last week, and it is hard when you have noone to talk to about it. So, I just muddled through, and when I felt a wee bit better, I jumped back on that horse. Which is a good thing. I need to practice drawing a line under things, and starting afresh. Keep on swimming, as a certain cartoon fish sings.

“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” – Denis Waitley