Tag: people

Twitter Is Sinking

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

I have been an avid internet user for many years. Going online has been an escape for when I have been struggling with my life. Social media has become the centre of that online world, where I have been able to make friends with people who have the same interests as me. It was initially music, where I would become close with people who liked the same bands as me. It was great, because I was able to find people to go to gigs with, which is something I didn’t have so much of when I was growing up.

Social media services have come and gone over the years, MySpace, Bebo, Hi5, Dailybooth… so many sites have disappeared. One of the services that I have used since my college days, probably as long as this blog has been in existence, is Twitter. It’s a ‘micro blogging’ site where users can post comments, follow people, and generally build communities. Back when all my interneting was about Good Charlotte, Twitter was a main way to contact friends who also loved Good Charlotte, as well as being a direct way to contact the band members. Back then, there was a dialogue between artists and their fans, and Twitter really helped that. People would live tweet along with big events, be in TV shows, or new events. It opened the world up.

That has changed.

In 2022, Tesla founder, Elon Musk purchased Twitter. He had previously made remarks about how he believed that Twitter was undermining free speech and democracy, and wanted to change that. In October 2022, when Musk’s purchase went through, he went through a process of cutting back at the company, largely by firing half of the 7,500 employees of the company. He also relaunched a service called Twitter Blue, a subscription service that allow users to access more features. One of the big things Twitter Blue did, was it provided subscribers with a ‘blue tick’ on their profile. Up till this point, blue ticks were used to illustrate that an account was ‘verified’ as a famous person, business, or a notable account. It became so that only people who paid for Twitter Blue would get the blue tick, and verified accounts who didn’t want to pay a subscription found that they lost their tick mark. The initial point of the verification system, was to stop fake accounts, and to help users distinguish the validity of what was getting posted.

Businesses lost their verified status, and started stepping away from Twitter, at the same time users who supported Musk, and what ever rant he felt like sharing, started paying for Twitter Blue. Whilst some people do use the features and simply continue sharing as they have always done, a lot of subscribers started sending abuse to standard accounts. One of the biggest areas of ‘interest’ for these subscribers was the LGBTQ+ community, especially the trans community. Something that Musk seems to almost encourage at this point. If you were to read a Twitter post by a pro-LGBTQ+ account, there will be replies, of mostly abuse, from almost exclusively Twitter Blue accounts. When these accounts are reported using the Twitter report system which has worked for years, nothing happens. Honestly, there are times Twitter is simply unusable, because it is so hateful.

Last year, my Twitter account of 12 years was put on a list for anti-LGBTQ+ users to attack. I was getting so so much abuse, for saying that Trans people are people, they deserve love and care, just like anyone else. I was getting constant messages, telling me to end my life. As a person who has suffered with her mental health so much, I felt this was awful. I ended up deleting my old twitter account, and starting again. By starting again, I wanted to simply stay in contact with the friends I still had on the site. The site has got worse, the only way you can stop people sending you abuse, is to block them. Another thing that Musk wants to take away, presumably because subscribers are complaining that they can’t exercise their free speech and abuse people. It has been a long time since I have seen any social media service decline the way that Twitter has. People are still using it for the moment, mostly because there is nothing similar to replace it.

Pushing It

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

These last few months have been tiring. My mental health has been awful, and I have been really physically sore. It has meant that I have felt really drained a lot of the time. Which means I am back in hibernation mode. Where I go out for work, and don’t have the energy to do anything else.

I will maybe have energy to do things for one day, and that’s it. So, I will maybe start tidying, do a food shop, arrange to meet up with a friend. But the next day, I just stare at the wall for hours, not having the energy to get up and do anything else. In fact, getting up to do anything becomes mentally and physically stressful, and it’s like I am constantly walking into the same brick wall. It is exhausting.

I am trying to keep going. I work well with a list sometimes, my brain seems to function well seeing what I have to focus on. But, sometimes, the items on the list take longer, or I forget to look at it. And, rather quickly, that manageable list of tasks, turn into something that seems impossible. Just another set of things that I failed at. I fail at everything, so may as well add some more on to the list.

It feels horrible.

But, I am trying. I am trying to do the things I am supposed to do. The things that I promise. The things that will make life easier. Whether it be doing things for work, or trying to get uni stuff sorted out. It kind of sucks, because when I explain about doing things, people don’t even pretend to be interested anymore. Why be interested? I am stuck doing entry level work because I don’t have a degree, and nobody has faith that I can anything apart from the bare minimum. I try to work harder, to show people that I can do well, but I get so far and just get stuck.

I’m frustrated. But I am trying to do a Pride display, for next month, for my work. Hopefully it works out. I just want to do something well for once.

Where Are We, Again?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

You’ve probably seen multiple articles this week, all proclaiming that no one knows what day it is at all. It’s because many people are off work, and between Christmas and New Year, the days just meld into each other.

It’s not quite so bad when you are working during this period. Though, it is annoying when it feels like everyone else is lounging at home in their PJs, and you are back to the grind. However, I focus on the fact that it means I save my holidays for when I need them.

This time of year is a good time for catching up with friends, or to simply relax. It is nice being able to relax, especially as December tends to be one of the more manic months of the year. It is also more challenging than ever, with wages being stagnant, whilst bills get ever-higher. This winter has already been cold, and it looks like it will get cold again in the new year.

It’s very easy to feel defeated by it all, so try and be kind to yourself. Nothing has to be perfect, as the media like to portray, because nothing is that perfect. Not really. So, give yourself a break. Look for something, no matter how small, that makes you happy. It could be a tv show on tv, or your favourite band releasing a new song. Maybe you made your own dinner or did the dishes. The world is a tough place, so try to focus on the positives, as they can help us through the tough stuff.

Renewed Efforts?

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

A few days ago I received an email, telling me that my domain had been renewed for another year. It’s not a problem, the payment comes out of my bank every year. I expected it.

However, it did leave me thinking of whether I make the best of having a website. A lot of people will see that I make no money, so will assume it’s a waste of time. But, as I have written before, that is not why I keep an online blog. I do it to help straighten out my thoughts.

Well. I’m supposed to.

I haven’t used this site very well over the last year. And, I come on here and moan about that fact, every time I post. Boring anyone reading, and myself.

It’s not just circles I am going round on here, though. I seem to be jogging on the spot in almost every aspect of my life. And, let me tell you, I am not very fit, so jogging is hard. I have a new plan. I am going to try and keep to a plan, which is hard. I have a to-do list, I have written a new one for every day this week. So I can hope to do some of it. I mean, some is better than none, right?

I hope so. Things need to start moving.

Good Acting?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I have been struggling a lot recently. I have been in a lot of pain when trying to move, which has been causing problems with the most basic activity. I still get up and manage to work, and try to focus on anything but pain. Putting a smile on my face, and try to live in the moment, where I am focused on what I am doing, rather than focus on how I am feeling. Which helps me get through every day, because if I don’t, the day would be unbearable. But, because I do try to do my best every day, people tend to not think I am struggling as much as I make out.

It makes me wonder, have I really got that good at pretending, or is it simply easier for people to not take someone seriously when it comes to health problems? I, of course, don’t want to think anyone would dismiss anyone’s health problems. But, it still comes to mind. I have been accused of making my health problems up. Like, because of my arthritis, I have bad grip, but sometimes my hands swell more some days. These days, I may have to approach my manager to do a different job, because of the pain (and the real risk that I could drop and break something). I have been accused of co-workers of making things up, because I don’t want to do a job. Which annoys the hell out of me, I would never dodge out of any work. But sometimes, I have to put my health first, and if something is too strenuous, I have to speak up.

Today has been a good day. Luckily for me. Where I am conscious things are still stiff and swollen, but I can work through the pain easily. It does happen. I could put on my jacket today, and pull on my socks with ease. Most days, however, this is not the case. And I struggle with the most basic task. People make jokes at work when I wear a baseball cap, when the truth is my arms couldn’t lift the brush high enough to sort my hair out. But I laugh with them, because I’d rather laugh at the oddity of the hat, rather than focus on the tears I had trying to get tugs out of my hair.

I guess, my point, in a roundabout way, is that you never know what anyone is going through. I am usually at my best when at work, because I am moving around, loosening my joints, and my mind is focused on what is in front of me. That is part the story of my health issues, but it is not the whole story. And, you will likely never know a person’s ‘whole story’, only what they decide to share. So, if they share something difficult, don’t assume it’s nonsense, because the side you see seems fine.

Circular In Motion

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Isn’t it boring, when you feel like you are going round in circles, retreading steps you’ve already taken. The new experiences that are supposed to make up life, don’t seem to be all that new, for you.

I think that working full time, helps that feeling. Same shifts every week, which sees you go to do the same work, every shift. The same nonsense conversations. Running headfirst into the same brick wall, over and over again, when all you want to do is try something new.

I know complaining about my own situation seems rather self-centred when others are dying in Wars, all over the world. And some days, with the constant pain, the repetitive routine, and the thoughts of never being enough, defeat me. I should be embarrassed. I am embarrassed.

Doesn’t stop me trying again tomorrow, though. Trying to change things, and make it better.

Weighing It Up

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I weighed myself today. For the first time since the start of November. It is an activity which is loaded with meaning, because despite never being ‘a slave’ to the scales, it’s still a thing that lingers. It’s existence is enough to get me into a bit of a state. So, when I weigh myself, like I did, and I ended up being just under 16 stone, I could have cried.

For too long, the number on the scales or the size of one’s waistband, has been used as a way to identify people. People who a person has never met. There are a number of personality traits, which have, falsely, been connected to people who are overweight. Laziness, stupidity, dirtiness, rude, many more things which seem to be tied to a person being overweight. All without merit.

My weight has been a problem for years. I have faced comments about my weight since I was at school, back when I weighed way less than I do now. I always had a stocky build, my Grampie used to say I was ‘built like a rugby player’. This was enough for me to be bullied. And for me to understand that my weight is a reason for me to be seen as a horrible person. My mental health suffered so much, and eventually i turned to food to cope. I could eat away my problems. A coping mechanism I still have to this day.

I watched a video recently by a personal trainer on TikTok (Gavin McKinney) who said that using food as a coping mechanism was a good thing. It helps people cope with bad stuff, and means they are still here to see another day. When I tell you I cried after seeing that video, I mean I cried my eyes out. So the first think that needs to be done, is a find a new way to cope. Because if you don’t find a new way to cope, food is going to look like the answer again. That should not sound as revolutionary as it feels.

I am having problems with arthritis in my knee, and I want to make my health better, to ease the pain. Make myself feel better. Because that’s why things should be done, to improve one’s life, right?

I may repeat myself, as I try to figure all this out.

To find a niche?

~ Sue ~ 2 Comments

I have been writing on many personal blogs over the years. They are places where I can write, a thing I love to do, but a thing I am incredibly subpar at. In spite of that, I have continued to use blogging to help relieve any stress I feel about my day to day life. Something that is beneficial to a person’s well-being. However, I have hit a rut over the last few years, due to finding it difficult to post, as I feel, like most people at the moment, that I complain about the same things. And, who wants to read that.

So, I search for advice on how to make things more exciting. Mostly, because I don’t want to bore the few people who do read this blog when I post. And, what is the advice? Find a niche, your audience. Make your site profitable. Honestly, I didn’t start this blog to make money, it never even popped into my mind. When I started up, I was studying digital design, and this blog was supposed to be a way for documenting my journey, as a designer. Something that went incredibly well, as my current job in a warehouse proves.

I think that is where I am different from a lot of people who keep blogs, especially these days. Everything some writers do is about making money. It’s about sponsored posts, how many clicks the links on your pages get, more than about the actual content. I have spoken to other creators, and when I tell them my blog is over 10 years old, they don’t understand why I’d do it for myself and not money. It has happened so often, that I find myself questioning if it is me who has the wrong grasp of things.

I like to write about myself. About my mental health problems. About things I like. About my arthritis. About experiences I have. It’s maybe not exciting enough to make me money, but it does my brain the world of good. Personally, I prefer to read blogs that are personal, ones that don’t feel like a constant advertisement for products no one needs. I like to follow someone’s journey through life. I’d like to think that my blog is like that. Well, at least a little bit, although it seems I am simply complaining all the time.

Hobby Time

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

What do you like to do in your spare time? What are your hobbies?

I like reading, writing, playing computer games, going for walks, drawing, and finding new music. Stuff that seems to help me get more joy out of my day to day life. Things that keep my hands, and my mind, busy. Which, a requirement at how ‘doomsday’ the world seems right now.

My brain struggles to focus on things. So I think I am going to paint something’, and I simply stare at the piece of paper, and nothing happens. My brain just stalls. So then, I try to write a to-do list, to try and motivate me, as to-do lists do help when I have housework and stuff to do. But it doesn’t work with things I normally enjoy. Things become a chore, and any pleasure is gone.

Sometimes, I think that I like to do too many things, for the time I seem to be able to give. I have to learn, that I don’t have to do all of the things, all of the time. Which will take time. My mind still tells me that I have failed for not doing everything. It’s like, because I have failed on things in life, I think that everything I do must lead to failure.