Escape

I have lived in the same area, since I was a child. I have been told that I need to ‘move somewhere else’. As if you can only experience life, if you have paid stupidly high rent for a teeny flat in a city. I will scoff at that, but at the same time, seeing friends buy houses, get married, and have kids, makes me sad. I work hard, but I stay with my parents, in my 30s. It’s very depressing. I have worked constantly since I was 16, and have tried previously tried college. I have struggled with my mental health, but ignored it for many years. And these feelings, of seeing friends ‘do more’, made me feel worse. I look at my life and see that I have wasted my time. Wasted a life. And that’s where depression takes hold. That if my life was worthy, I’d be in a different place.

Sometimes, I need to get away from these thoughts. And I do this by getting out the house, going for a drive, or for a walk. The good thing, about living where I do, is that there are so many good places to explore. I live on the Fife Coast, just across from Edinburgh, and I can easily get to the sea, or to the countryside. I can find peace, in walks on my own. With nothing but my own thoughts, where I can try and get my broken mind in some kind of order.

The thing is. Sometimes my over nostalgic brain would see any changes that have happened, and feel sad about them. Which, if you live in the town you grew up in, happens quite a lot. Walking down a set of stairs, can make you feel quite sad. Today, for example, I went into the town’s public park, somewhere where I went with my parents as a child, and friends as I got older, but hadn’t been in so long. And it changed. Not really for the better.

The play park used to have a lot for all kids, this is all that’s left. Two things.

The park felt a little unloved. Paint peeling off benches, broken slabs, empty planting areas, it seems a little neglected. Which maybe rings a little too true to me, in the metaphorical sense. It was peaceful, which is what I needed, but that was it. I am like that, functional, but not really making any marks.

There are a few of these in the public park. We used to say they were jail cells for the ‘bad people’.

Sometimes, usually after a few deep breathes, you can see things you have forgotten. The things that you haven’t noticed for years, or maybe haven’t seen before. The things you look at ‘through new eyes’, that look completely different.

The old friary. Hundreds of years old.

I started thinking today, that age seems to make a person more cynical. It begins to get harder to see past the negative stuff, because that’s what you’ve come to expect. So, maybe we need to remind ourselves to keep a part of a childish outlook. See things in a hopeful way, and look past the bad bits to see something positive. But that is hard.

Out & About Again (BEDA)

Today I was down the the public park in the town I live. Used to love going down their for a picnic when I was a kid. There is some ‘gates’ which looked like old prison cells, or that’s what we believed when at school. 

   

          

It’s great looking around where you live. I love taking a camera with me. It helps me realise that there are some nice things about living where I do.  

Out & About

Today I ventured outside with my new camera. The Canon PowerShot SX510 is a digital bridge camera, something that I wanted since I did a photography course at college many years ago. I like taking pictures, although I am not the best at it. But that is the good thing about hobbies, you do not have to be particularly good to do it, you just have to do something that you enjoy.

Anyways, I was to meet a friend today, and because I was in town early, I went for a walk down the main park in Dunfermline, Pittencrieff Park (also known as The Glen). It was a gift by Andrew Carnegie to the people of Dunfermline, the town of his birth, after he made his fortune in America in the steel industry. He also donated a library. gymnasium and concert hall to Dunfermline, and also various projects through the USA, particularly New York’s famous Carnegie Hall. Carnegie believed that one third of life should be spent learning as much as they can, the next third spent making as much money as he could. The last third of one’s life should then be spent giving earnings to worthwhile causes to better society. The Glen is one of my favourite places in my hometown, so I thought it was the perfect first trip out with my new camera.

IMG_0054 IMG_0055 IMG_0057 IMG_0058 IMG_0059 IMG_0060 IMG_0062 IMG_0068 IMG_0069

And then I ventured up to the Abbey, a building dating from the early 1200s. A beautiful place.

IMG_0072 IMG_0073 IMG_0074 IMG_0075 IMG_0076 IMG_0078

The one thing that struck me as strange, was the number of squirrels about. I am sure that the squirrels used to hibernate, but the mild winter and constant food from visitors mean that they haven’t done so in years. Visitors are encouraged to bring nuts and seeds to the park to feed the birds over the winter, and the squirrels feed off them. And because they get food of people, they have no fear and can come right close to you.

IMG_0066