2018

A Testing Time

These last few weeks have flown by. It is that time of year, once again, where assements and summer seem to collide. I am studying through the Open University, which gives the ability to access high level learning, whilst still working full time. Which is what I am doing. It gives me a sense that I am working towards something, which is what I need, after being in my current job for 5 years. It is a very good thing. However, the recommended study time, doesn’t actually sound like much, like 10 or so hours a week. But once life gets in the way, that 10 hours is a lot.

Key to doing anything like this, is being honest to yourself, and honest to the people there to help. Be it people at work, friends, or folk at where you are studying. When looking for help, it is easy to forget that there are actually lots of things set up to help you succeed. Managers and tutors are their to help you, their job is to make sure that you have as much support as you need. So, just tell them what the problem is and they can help, even if it is pointing you in the direction of where you can get support.

No matter where you are, you will here people saying that the people who are supposed to care about them (like managers) don’t care about them. But, a lot of the time, when you question them further, you can find that no issues have actually been raised to their managers. As clever as some people like to think that they are, noone is actually a mind reaer, they sometimes only know something is wrong, when it is pointed out to them. So, no matter how silly you may feel, speaking up can make things a lot easier, and help release the pressure.

However, that can be easier said than done.

2018

Holiday is over

I have been pretty quiet on here for the best part of a month. This was a break I felt that I needed. Sometimes, it can be very easy to be pulled into what is online, very deep. I think social media is a lot worse than sites like wordpress, but the attachment is there. Everything is always updating and switched on, and as a person whose mental switch is kind of half on/half off most the time, it can be extremely draining.

bridge
Liberty Bridge, Budapest, Hungary

In me and my friend booked a holiday to Budapest, in Hungary. We go away to meet Scotland fans once a year, or so. It was a friendly, so there wasn’t as much fans as there usually was. But it was just what I needed. I went away for a week, but was off work for two. I went back to work last week, and decided to go back into things in a slow manner.

So, today, after much delay, I opened up the computer and did what I needed to do. The biggest thing was studying, although the course started back last week, I had been feeling a bit hesitant about going on. I think the biggest reason is that the start of the unit is focused on binary conversions and scientific theory, which honestly is pickling my brain. I do get it, eventually, but it is hard work. Especially for someone who hasn’t really done maths since High School. Hopefully I get used to it.

Sometimes, I think the worst thing about taking time off from anything, is having to get back to business again. I like being busy, but sometimes it is good to take time off.

2018

Not As Bad As It Looks

When you read articles which help you plan ahead for a successful future, they are very good at telling you hope for the best. That things are going be great, no matter what. Which is nice, hopeful, and a good thing to work towards. Obviously, as people get older, what makes them happy, doesn’t stay the same. And depending on what people go through, it can also be hard to settle on anything happy.

When I studied, back when I was younger, I had varying amounts of success. At the earlier years at school, those first exams, it was fairly straightforward, I studied and I got results. It was awesome. But over time, I found that I was getting dis-interested. I didn’t do completely bad, but it felt so much harder to sit down and work on what I needed to. Eventually, I just think I felt apathy towards all education. I forced myself to try and further my education and find that elusive ‘better life’, I had read about. It made everything so much harder, and when the results weren’t matching the effort I put in, I started to feel really discouraged. It has left me with a mindset, where I am set up to fail.

I work hard, but recently, it has become clear that if I want to get in a better paying job, I need to do something other than just work. So, I had think, about what I am interested in, and what field is always in need of workers. So, I signed up for a course with the Open University, which is in IT and Computing. And it is very interesting, and I am enjoying it. However, the last module I did, contained coding for creating programs, and I felt the mindset set in, as well as utter panic. I felt a little lost, and I panicked, because I was challenged, I assumed I was going to fail. The panic was bad, that I struggled to complete some of the questions that I needed to answer. I assumed that meant that everything was over. It wasn’t. I got my result back today, and out of a possible 90, I got 78, I only dropped 12 marks, which was such a shock.

It’s made me realise that a lot of what you experience, does have a lasting effect on you. I was so surprised to have done so much better than expected, and it was a nice surprise. Maybe, it would be better to try and live in the moment, and not mentally jumping 10 steps ahead. But, that is a major issue with my anxiety, but the more I realise it happening, the more I can try to change things.

2017, Life

Study Hard

The last time I tried to do education and work together, I kind of failed. I got very stressed, and struggled to do almost everything. It was the time in my life, when I really began to get effected by mental health issues. I think, the development of mental health issues, made it really hard to focus on stuff. So working full time, and studying full time did not work for me. It is no wonder, as I barely left myself with time to function.

Last month I started an IT course through the Open University. Something I was very scared to do, after the last time I did any proper education. The good thing about the Open University, is that you can study at a time more suitable to yourself. Which is handy, especially at this time of year. My work is focusing on the run-up to Christmas, which is always fun, but can also be stressful. Lots of temporary workers come in, so that we can meet customer demand, and it can get a little crazy. The good thing about it, is overtime. Which is really good, when I am trying to clear my feet, financially, before the end of the year. So, I end up working extra days, which means that I have to change when I study. The University information on the course, says I should have to spend 10 hours, or so, a week on studying. Which is perfectly manageable.

The good thing about doing this new course, is that it has given me a bit of focus. All the information you have to work through, is split into smaller chapters, which makes it a lot easier to work through. Like, tonight, I was able to relax, and then study a couple of sections. Because I can break everything down into steps, it is helping me keep on track in getting all necessary tasks completed on time.

It’s nice to feel like you are working towards something.