Don’t Like Asking

Happy Sunday! I hope you are having an enjoyable and relaxing day. I did my usual, went to the gym, and then did nothing else. It is Sunday, after all. But, after deciding that I didn’t want to watch The Day After Tomorrow for the twentieth time (it’s not that good), I eventually started watching YouTube. And in particular, the wonderful Tessa Violet. Someone whose content I have been enjoying for a number of years.

Anyways, I was watching one of Tessa’s videos from a few months back, where she was talking about insecurities and how asking what other people though of her, made her feel uncomfortable. And that got those rusty cogs in my head spinning, slightly. What do I hate doing? Well, I hate asking for help or advice. I am a ‘think about it and just wing it’ kind of girl. I don’t know why that is, but it is how I have been as long as I dare to remember.

It’s why a lot of my entries here, end up being almost like advice blogs. Sometimes, there is no almost about it. I know that I have problems, I am more likely to search on YouTube or even WordPress, for articles or videos on my issue. This sounds a bit silly to some, but normally the advice given on these sites are not professional, they are just people speaking honestly from their own experiences. And that means, I can get helpful information without bothering anyone I actually know.

You see, that is a big problem about anxiety. You get so bogged down by your own problems, that you get the bizarre logic that sharing what’s wrong will just bog that other person down too. And, everyone else has enough problems going on, without dealing with my crap too. That mindset is one that has developed over years, and it means that as well as struggling to share what I am going through to an actual person, I can’t approach the subject at all. If I do, I panic, I freeze up, and I kind of fall apart. So it is easier to keep it to myself.

The internet has become a rich resource, and not just the generic help sites, I mean the user created content. Maybe it is because, I like reading or listening to another person’s experience. If I can relate my problems to someone else’s then I get strength to find a solution. And then, noone I know is bothered by me and my crap. It is easier that way.

Thumbs Up!

Today I am feeling very positive. Like that I can take on the whole world. Which is something that doesn’t happen very often. It may be that taking time out and doing things for myself is working, or it may just be that I haven’t been working for most of last week. Either way, it is a nice feeling. And, as I have mentioned before, I want to show a bit more of a balance on her. Making the point of writing when I am doing well, not just when I feel rubbish.

So, I am taking this feeling of positivity and turning it into actual stuff. That stuff includes writing, like this, and getting things ready to shoot a video tomorrow. Yes, I am another person who sometimes vlogs (video blogs). Nothing makes me feel better than expressing myself, and the more avenues I have to do that, the better I feel. I started off well with my vlogs, at the start of the year, but I have since fallen off that horse long ago. But, as I have said before, it is not about not doing something, it is about carrying on with that thing after a period of not doing it. If that makes sense.

I feel buzzed today. As much as I would like to think it is because it was my birthday yesterday, I know it isn’t. Being on the wrong side of 30 kind of has the opposite effect that my birthday used to have. But, I do always take time out of work for my birthday, so maybe it did help. So I was sitting around feeling a bit hyper today. So i decided to do something useful, and spend a while rambling some nonsense. Again.

This post was created under the influence of:

This video by Tessa Violet (Meekakitty)

This song by Good Charlotte

This album by Babymetal



Oh Youtube.

I am addicted. *shakes fists*

I spend way too much online, watching  Vlogs of people who actually update regularly. Now whilst this is good, in that it gets me motivated, and  gets me wanting to do something, it also makes me feel bad, because I am such a lazy vlogger. I go through little sprints of making videos, where I get all excited. But, most of the time I am way too lazy to try shoot, edit and upload a video, especially when it can take anything up to an hour to upload videos.

I know, I have slow internet, especially during the day. -.-

I am a very creative individual, when my mood lets me, and I openly embrace anything that allows a person to let their creative juices flow. It helps stop a person becoming repressed,  they can become more in touch with their feelings, and are less likely to do things such as commit mass murder. So, being creative not just betters  your existence  it could be saving the lives of others.

Well, it could.

Anyway, I do spend a lot of time watching vlogs and am subscribing to new channels on a daily basis. Whilst this gives me way too much ‘home work’ whenever I am offline for a few days, it is worth it, and I do get to the point when I could spend a few hours happily watching Vlogs. There is something embedded into my brain somewhere, where I like to show my opinion (which you will know if you have read this blog before). And it therefore involves me listening to other peoples’ opinions and thoughts, because that is the only way you can express opinion, is knowing how other people may think.

Sometimes I wish I had went to University to major in human behaviour, because it is something that interests me so much. I mean, you can tell a lot from a person, just by how well the edit videos and talk to the camera. I am aware that sounds slightly misguided, but I assure you, how you edit a video says a lot about you. I am the kind of person who is terrible at editing, and that is usually because I like to cut it where I feel it seems natural. It just never comes across as natural on screen. :/

Anyways, here is are a few You Tube channels which have lead to me living my life on a video site.