Tag: issues

(No) Good Times

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

I am dealing with a few issues at the moment. Issues I don’t even want to think about, let alone try to discuss them. It is almost as if ignoring something, will make it disappear. In my 33 years on this planet, you’d think I would have learnt, that’s not how things work. Doesn’t seem to stop me from trying to forget things happening.

I am trying though. I am trying to act like an adult, and do the ‘right thing’. The problem is, that the ‘right thing’ is never a clear decision, there is no road map pointing you in the right direction. You have to make the choice all by yourself, but it isn’t easy. The ‘right thing’ for me, is to try and work overtime because I have a lot of money to pay towards things. Things like bills, which nobody likes, but everyone has to pay.

I think, in the past, I found it really easy to blame my mental health. I get bad anxiety, so I am not paying my bills, is not a good excuse. Unfortunately, that is how I felt. Buying things made me feel better, but ultimately something else would be missed, and I’d feel worse again. And when you get into one of these cycles, life can get very hard, very fast. It becomes very easy to get overwhelmed, and when that happens I ‘lock myself off’. I don’t tell anyone anything, I ignore things that I shouldn’t, and just want to hide away from the world. As if the bad stuff will just disappear.

Recently, my mind has been going to places that it hasn’t been to in a few years. It is a place where I compare myself to those around me, and I always come off worst. Which is a hard position to be in. It’s hard to feel better about yourself, when everyone else you know seems to be about 10 steps ahead of you. How do you find the energy to keep going?

I am dealing with things day-by-day. I set out a plan, which I don’t achieve entirely, but it usually gets me moving. It is a difference between getting out and doing something, anything, and wallowing in bed. This blog has probably been the most productive I have been in a while. As I always write about my feelings, but it leaves me at a loss when I am trying to avoid what’s in my head.

People like to say that mental health issues effect mostly young people. Maybe that’s when a lot of people start getting issues, but it doesn’t just stop once you reach a certain age. It continues on, and most people learn to live with a condition. However, like any other illness people can suffer from, mental health problems come and go. Or they do with me anywhere. Depression is a dark rain cloud that is always floating behind me, anxiety is the rain that can be either nothing, a shower or a complete downpour. And right now, it feels like a downpour. Like, my mind is flooded, and I am treading water just to stay afloat.

Sometimes, a road map of life would be great.

Irritated

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Nothing worse when you pour your heart into a blog post, only for it not to post. For the last day I was trying to post on WordPress, only to get an error message. Which was irritating. I saved the post to my drafts and took to trying to fix the app. 

The general advice for when mobile applications get iffy, is to delete and then re-install the app. The app started up again fine, but when I tried to find my previous post, it had vanished. Which was a pain, particularly seeing as it was a rather personal post that I really couldn’t bring myself to type up today. 

I am hearing that there is a few problems with WordPress apps right now, particularly with the most recent update. The advice is to try and sign out, and sign back in using your username instead of email address. If that fails, re-install the app, like I did. If you do have problems, WordPress Help are available on @wordpressdotcom and are very quick to answer. 

Technology’s Least Favourite Person

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

The biggest problem about using a lot of technology, is that sometimes it can stop working. Something happens, and it feels that, no matter what you do, things just don’t go the way you plan it. That is the problem that I had today. First my phone refused to charge. It kept popping up with a message saying ‘device is not compatible’, despite me using an official Apple charger. It’s not something that surprises me, because despite the cost and how good the actual devices are, iPod/ iPhone charger cables are absolute terrible. They always seem to break, a small lose connection renders the thing useless. I got the cable working again, mostly by unplugging it from the mains for a bit. I don’t know how but it seemed to work.

And that was okay. After visiting the Doctors, I decided that I would use the afternoon to make a video, get my YouTube channel working again. So I thought I’d record a video explaining why my previous videos had disappeared, and the name change, which has all happened for the same reasons as this blog has changed. There was no point in having the ‘graphics’ title in anything if I wasn’t uploading anything to do with art. Makes sense. I made all my existing vlogs private, as if to get a clear slate to work off. So far, so good. I then decided to record a quick vlog, explaining the changes. I tried using my Canon camera, it didn’t work because something corrupted in the memory card and I had to format it. So attempt one was a bust. I then tried to use my webcam, but my movie editor wouldn’t pick up the sound, at all. So I resorted to my iphone. Shot a video in 2 parts, went to import it into my computer, and it didn’t transfer just deleted the videos off my phone.

At this point, I was close to just leaving it. But, after some delving, I realised the current iOS YouTube app allows you to upload direct from the app. Which is good, because for a while there, you had to upload using a different app. Which was a pain. This time, fortunately, the video recorded and uploaded no problems. It did mean that the video wasn’t edited, but at the stage I was at, it didn’t really seem important.  But I got it up, which is a good thing, considering that YouTube is where my creativity tends to go to die. It is easier to watch people’s stuff, than make your own. But because vlogging helps me just as much as blogging does, I thought I’d make the effort.  See the results below.

https://youtu.be/VcMK1Cxdz7M

The video is so simple, but I don’t think that people realise how much effort goes into making a simple video appear online. I mean, it has taken me hours just to get that video available for others to watch. Of course, technology was a major problem today, but usually I would edit a video, and that takes time. And I think people need to remember how long things take, before they post hate on someone’s videos.

Not with a fizzle, but with a bang.

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Not really. I have been watching Easy A, so that title seemed to dedicate itself to being on a blog entry

It has been 24 hours since my phone has been doused in coffee, and it went all huffy. Well, it is not 100% yet. I did manage to switch it on ok, but it quickly froze and wouldn’t switch back on. So, back in the rice it went. Where it still is.

The saddest thing about it all, is how lost I feel without my phone. Over the last few years, I have got used to doing EVERYTHING through my phone, from blogging, to taking pictures, to sending emails. When something THAT useful is taken away from you, it feels strange, and you realise how dependant you have become on the one product.

Whilst having an all-in-one product is great, and is what every technology company seems to be aiming for, there is a few downsides. The reason that I still have my music seperate from my phone, for instance, is because I just like having it on it’s own. And in moments, where I am phone-less, like now, I can still listen to my favourite band on my walk to work.  And that’s it really. Whilst it may be more convenient to have an iPhone for everything, it may not work out so good when it goes down, and you find you can’t access everything. You rely on that one thing so much, that if you don’t have it, you lose out on a lot.

Back, even as few as 10 years ago, a mobile phone was that, a phone which was mobile. You could text  and phone, and that was pretty much all it was used for. If you lost it, then you would just find a payphone or housephone to use for your call. But now, There are less payphones on the streets and more people are going without a landline for their homes all because more people have mobile phones. So that is annoying, then your emails, lack of Twitter access make you realise that it isn’t just a mobile phone anymore. Even the basic feature phones have more uses than just for phoning people. And when it is gone, you are left with nothing.

It makes the value on things such as books, music, photos, things that are frequently used as modes of expressionism, to decrease. The actual price won’t, but they are becoming nothing but files. And files, as anyone who has dealt moderately with a computer can tell you, can easily become corrupt or locked, with the user losing access to it. And this is where the digital con comes in. If you lose an album on your ipod, because it is corrupt, you delete it and head for the itunes store to get another copy. But, unless you pay again, you won’t get another copy. I am sure that I am not the only technology user who has been bitten by this. Yes you can back things up, but what if that goes wrong and won’t load. What if you lose hundreds of pounds worth of music, books, etc?

This is why I like having things separate, and having physical copies of things. Yes, the world of the mp3 download has made my life a lot easier. Especially when it comes to buying records that I can’t buy or order anywhere in a physical form. But if I can, I will always buy a CD or record before an MP3. I will always buy a book, before an ebook. And I will always have a camera and iPod, separate from my phone.

It maybe sounds crazy, but it is who I am. Crazy. 🙂 And without my iPod I would have no music to entertain me when I am on my walks. What do you think? How do you prefer your technology?

Music- Peter And The Test Tube Babies- I’m the Leader of the Gang