May Challenge: Space

I have a confession.

I am a hoarder.

Not as bad as those people on reality tv shows. But, I have a problem with giving things up. I still have hundreds of CDs and books, when everything is supposedly digital.

This means that everything feels cramped, there is no room for new things. So the answer is, get rid of stuff. Which sounds simple. But I seem to find a reason to keep a hold of everything. I don’t think it helps my mental health if I were to be honest. Because I feel stuck, I need to move on mentally and I can’t because I physically can’t move on.

I really don’t know how to fix it. I’ve watched Marie Kondo, which helped a little. But it’s hard. I think, like many people in this consumerist society, I spent money to make myself feel better. Now, much effort has been taken to find other things that make me happy, but it involves changing so much behaviour. It’s pretty difficult.

Let It Go!

I have a problem.

And that problem is hoarding things. It is not having the ability to let go of stuff when I don’t use them anymore. A lot of the time things might not even get used that much, even at all. And it is terrible. It is a waste of money, but that doesn’t seem to matter. Being in my early 30s, I don’t think unnecessary purchases and hoarding them is unusual. When I speak to people my age about this, they have similar experiences as me.

There has been much said about the single, childless 30-somethings who find themselves clinging to inanimate objects like a consumerists wet dream. For me, my guilt is stationary. I always say that I am going to get myself organised and get my life to the stage where I am satisified. Not that I am dissatisfied with my life too much, more that life has never reached the high expectations that I had when I was younger. I guess that is one of the issues about growing older, but I can’t help feeling a little crestfallen.

I don’t know where my hoarding started, it is just something that seems to have happened over the years. It is trying to figure it what you do, when you realise that your purchasing habits are not the best they could be. How do you change it?

I suppose that it is like every other behaviour, to change it takes time. Due to rearranging a few things, I am attempting to downsize what I own, and it is proving quite hard. It feels like I buy stuff so that I have something to show for all the hard work I have done over the years. Which is silly, because books, DVDs, video games, they don’t matter, really. They are material things that make a person feel better for a while. But that feeling of joy that we get when we buy something is temporary, and because I have had issues with depression, I find that I cling to things that have made me feel better.

When you think like that, is it even possible to completely change a habit so significantly? It’s not even simply behaving different, it is changing how you react, how you deal with life. It almost seems so big, I don’t even know where to start on it.