Social Media Care

I remember when I started using social media, many years ago (in fact, 10 years ago), it was a place of excitement. It was new for everyone, it was filled with normal folk, as advertisers hadn’t really jumped on the bandwagon yet. Social media became a place of freedom of expression. Unfortunately, for a lot of people, this isn’t the case anymore. No matter what you express, it feels like there are always people about to try and pick holes in what you say. Like, I try to be kind and advice-like when I write, but people like to jump on what I say to be all ’that isn’t how it is to me, so you are lying’. And these people are usually anonymous profiles who seem to spend all their time hating other people.

It is important to look after yourself in an atmosphere that can be so destructive. So, I thought up I few things that I use, when social media gets to me.

1) Block button. Every social media site has the ability to mute or block certain users. This is good. You might have a friend who is posting annoying rubbish for a TV show you hate, you can mute them for a while. This means, you are still following them, but you don’t see their content for a while. Blocking means that the person is unfollowed, can’t see what you post or anything on your profile. This is a good way to cut out people who may be harassing you.

2)Take time out. Go for a day or so without social media. I usually simply put my phone on airplane mode for a few hours, like when I am studying, so that I can focus without the constant pinging of my phone. If that isn’t enough, and you want a few days away from the distraction of your Facebook timeline, delete the app from your most used device. A lot of the time, we check social media constantly because it always seems to be there. And it not being there, can free up a lot of time.

3)Don’t read bad comments. Sometimes, you could post a picture of an apple on Instagram, and it would attract bad comments. If you see this happening, try not to feel down. These people seem to get some kind of thrill of bringing people down. You can disable comments on many social media services, as well as make it so only your friends can comment. You will find that people are a lot less confrontational if they know you, or have to share their identity.

4) Just laugh. Try not to take social media too seriously. A lot of the content that you will be shown on sites like Facebook and Twitter are there to get a reaction. So they will either be content you agree with, or content you massively disagree with. For example, I would say I am ’left-leaning’ when it comes to politics, so the stuff I get shown is either supporting that stance, or is wildly opposing those views. So, try not to take everything as gospel, and just laugh when people do. It also can defuse a situation building up within yourself, as laughter does make you feel better.

5) Be kind to yourself. If you find anything on social media to be causing any kind of negative reaction to yourself, then step away. You are the only you there is, so it’s important you look after yourself. If there is too much BS happening, then go and read a book, play a computer game or whatever social media is distracting you from.

You can be selective over what you show on social media, and it’s important to remember that. Because everyone else is too. A lot of people show part of themselves, whether it be a nice or a nasty side. So if someone attacks you, then remember it is just what they think they see, it’s not actually you.

Objective Silences

People will always say things, and do things that will get under your skin. Some things can really wind you up. And it can take all your power to bite your tongue and walk away.

Facebook is a big place where this happens. Sometimes the people you work, have drinks or study with have polar opposite opinions to yourself. That is good, because not everyone has the same take on the world. We are all different. But everyone has some barrier that some attitudes break. For me, things regarding animal rights, human rights, mental health and LGBT rights are amongst the things that I care about most. So, when I see someone posting some ill thought out bad attitude which goes against my beliefs I can get angry.

I have lost count how many times I have typed a vicious comment, and deleted it before I posted. These attitudes are borne of ignorance, people don’t know the subject well enough, it’s not entirely their fault. But, I also believe it is good to understand things with a caring perspective. I had someone call me a faggot at work, and when I talked to the guy, its because that is what everyone he knows things. When I pointed out that we got on okay, and that the word can be damaging to a lot of people who work with us and are part of the LGBT community. He admitted it was just a word, and he hadn’t thought about the effects of it at all. He apologised and we are okay.

I think education is a huge part of my things, but I don’t feel that Facebook is the place to deal with these things. So, I leave the comment, and mute the user. If they continue being so bigoted and stupid, I will pop them a message and delete them from my life. I don’t need some person I worked with once, telling me I am fat because I should stop eating and that I don’t to learn to love myself because I am ugly inside and out. And then they have the nerve to say ‘it wasn’t about you, I wasn’t talking about other people’.

Always stand up for what you believe in. But, sometimes arguments aren’t worth it. A person you don’t have anything in common with, who thinks it’s funny that people struggle with sexuality or that people dying senselessly, can be dismissed. Social media is great with this, as you can block anyone.

Bitched Out!

Being a girl, it is expected that you should enjoy the company of other women. I, personally, try to get on with everyone, and be easy going. Because that’s the kind of people I get on with.

But sometimes, I find myself in the company of women, particularly people who I have just met or am not on ‘friends’ terms with. These women are in the habit of making snidey comments behind one another’s back. And I always seem to be sat in the middle so that people complain about each other to me. And, I’ll be honest, it gets on my nerves so much that I zone out and stop listening. It’s awful, but if someone has such a problem with someone, they should talk it out with that person. If they can’t, they shouldn’t go on about it.

When people do bitch, there is always someone who is put in a situation where they have to bite their tongue. It feels like you have to lie for other people. And I don’t understand why anyone would want to put another person into such a situation. Don’t get me wrong, everyone has to complain, it’s part of our nature. But when you only complain about other people, and you do it all the time, you become a pain for other people.

Sometimes it would be nice for people to just take a deep breath, and ignore others faults. Everyone does something wrong every now and then, so if they aren’t hurting anyone, just let it go. *queue singing Frozen songs*

Hating for hatred’s sake.

It doesn’t take any effort, nor time, to hear about hatred. It isn’t necessarily about there being more hate, just that it is publicised more. It is in the newspapers, on the TV screens and strewn across social networks. It is reported, as well as boasted about by some.

I believe that hate is an adequate emotion to feel, despite how strong it appears to be. But because it is such a strong emotion, it evokes a strong reaction from other people. If someone can’t relate to the hatred that the see before them, then they react in an equally angry way, which can add fuel to a situation.

Anger and hatred, seems to incite anger and hatred. If you express what you feel in such a manner, it could come across as aggressive. That may not be intentional, it’s just that the emotions connected it are so strong, that they could be deceived as being aggressive.

So when we see more highly emotive attacks or intolerances being commited or reported in our vision, we can get angry. Intolerance is something that I dislike, so when I see people hating for no reason than their own lack of understanding, I get angry. I think that people need to take a step outside of their personal ‘bubbles’, and be aware that other people exist. Because, I don’t think some people seem to realise it. It is what they do and think, and that it is it. No-one else’s feelings or thoughts even come into the equation.

People need to become a lot more considerate. Before anyone says or does something to another person, they should think about how they would feel in the other person’s shoes. Not enough people do that.

Uch, this has been one of those blog posts where I didn’t know how to say what I wanted to. So sometimes, it is a good idea just to type my thoughts and see what comes out. So, if something makes sense it is awesome. 🙂

Fight Club!

Isn’t it great when something goes your way? When all the naysayers get proved wrong and you can stand victorious, with your hands in the air.

On the route to your victory, you may have been subjected to negative comments from those around you. A willingness to beat you down, and make any success you have seem more trivial. It can be grating, and more than a little dis-spiriting. And when things do go your way, you may want to throw a self-righteous laugh in the face of your detractors. But what does that achieve?

The negative comments are made, usually because people want you to be taken down. They may feel jealous that you are getting something that you worked for. Particularly if that person is going through a patch where they feel like their life is worse than yours. Their words may hold a venom that implies that they hope you fall on your backside in failure.  But, what doesn’t help is that when you are successful, you point out how flaws from those who suggested you would fail. It can start an argument, which is based on nothing than an idea of one-up-manship that you both feel for each other. It is endless, and can sully whatever success you have worked hard for. 

If you are in a better position due to hard work, you do not have to answer to anyone. You have earned your success, so enjoy it and don’t lower yourself to the mentality of those around you, hating your success. Let them hate. Don’t let it ruin your happiness.

Content Error

Adding personality and uniform to my online self is hard. I find I am struggling to keep things interesting. I am currently in a state where I have so much in my head that I want to say, but I always seem to be writing the same things constantly. Which, whilst being quite freeing to myself, it does end up that I post the same old grumblings day in and day out.

I love writing, I always have. But I am finding it harder and harder to keep up any momentum with interesting posts. Sure, I am great at moaning about my life (or lack of it), but I struggle in making things interesting for readers. I guess I have to start ‘feeling’ what I write again. I know that sounds strange, but I feel that I seem to have been really honest on here before, and the reaction kind of shocked me. The internet is full of people who give hate for no reason, and although it is easy to say that people should expect the worst, it doesn’t prepare for the hate that can be angled at you, for just posting your own thoughts.

And when I have received hate, it has shocked me, and kind of made me a little hesitant in posting so much. Which is sad. As mentioned I love blogging, and feel that it is a good way for me to talk through the issues in my mind. So I have just held back, and been posting a lot less than what I used to. This is something I regret letting happen, but it did. I am going to try and get back into things online, which means I need to start thinking up some interesting topics.

I am doing a ‘Sketch-a-day’ challenge, so I am going to try and post some of those pages, and see what happens.

Currently Listening to: Wicked- Defying Gravity

Can I hate you, cause you’re not like me?

The brutal truth of why most people act the way they do, is because other people are different to them. Seems a little obscene, but it’s true. No matter how much people bother about being ‘themselves’, they will always try and pass judgement and be judge themselves. And everyone does it. It is something embedded into our psyche, to judge things, whether it be a positive or negative judgement is irrelevant. But people think that judgement starts and stops with things such as TV shows, music and books, but don’t acknowledge that they pick apart fashion and the people wearing the fashion a LOT more than they do anything else. It is a simple thing of like/dislike, where in nature, if a creature doesn’t like something, it will no longer associate itself with it. And that is a behaviour trait that people, as animals, still have to this very date.

This is not normally cause by any form of malicious intent, but by because someone is maybe wearing something that is not to your taste. It is what you do with these thoughts. Most of the time, people think their judgement, and that’s it. Nothing else is done. The trouble is, when people start voicing their judgement. Because we like to think negatively about something, mostly to try and make ourselves seem more superior, it’s part of human nature. But if you receive any negative judgement, it is hard to tell yourself that is ‘just opinion’. Sometimes, against better judgement you react, almost like you are being encouraged to. This reinforces the ‘judger’s’ behaviour because they can then see that they can evoke reaction off people. As if getting a reaction is what it’s all about.

This is a basis of what every person does in their life. You live your life on doing things you like that make you happy, and stay away from things you don’t like. It’s just that it has been taken to the point, that people seem to use likes and dislikes as weapons against each other.. There is no harm in deciding that you think someone looks silly in what they are wearing, but what does voicing it to the person in question really achieve. Does it turn your life into a success? No! Does it make the other person thank you for changing her life with your observation? No! You will offend the person, and nothing will change in your life whatsoever. So because there is no real reason for giving judgement on another person, why do it? And why make a spectacle of yourself whilst doing it?

I am rambling like this because I want to know what would make a person give verbal abuse to another person without being provoked? Why would you choose, as an adult man, to get a friend and threaten a girl who is on her own? That isn’t the kind of natural behaviour I can understand. Maybe it’s because I am stupid or maybe it’s because I would never ever want to make anyone feel like they made me feel. Why I lost a day of work because I was in shock that two men 6/7 years older than me (makes them 33/34) verbally abused me to the point I thought they were going to kill me. And that I was still shaking 6 hours later, and crying when anyone asked me what happened. I was terrified that people were going to tell me to ‘stand up for myself’, when I knew that having two adults scream in your face so badly the police were called, was not anything I really wanted to stand up to. Especially when no-one came up to try and help me. They could have punched me, and I could have done nothing. I don’t know who the guys were, and know nothing that apparently they were ‘off their faces’ on drugs.

I can honestly say, I have never been so scared in my life. And I can’t think of anything that can make sense of why they did it. But other than because I looked different to them, I just can’t understand it.

‘Your opinion is wrong.’

Is the reaction I got from the previous post I did on here. *sigh*

It is opinion, someone’s thoughts an ideas on a situation, which they put into the wilderness to invoke discussion. Yes, discussion, a too-ing an fro-ing of thoughts on the topic in question.  And an important part of discussion, that whilst you should have your beliefs, you also need to accept the other persons opinion and be respectful.

I had 6 death threats, 4 accusations of being racist, and was told I was a member of the Taliban. This is from people I don’t know. Is this the punishment I get from expressing my opinion? It is hard trying to hold back retaliation, because then I would be a hypocrit. Also, I have always been honest when I have written on here, so I have no reason to change.

The fact that so many people wished me death for typing up words unsettles me more that the ‘Bin Laden death party’. Is this what the internet is becoming?  A place where the only safe thing to do is post tripe about ‘celebrities’ or hipster photos. Because if you actually say something of value, you will be opposed and actually regret sharing your thoughts. And that is not what the internet is, or not what it is to me anyway.

But what it does do, as it confirms what I have said before. To make people validate their righteousness, they vilify others. It is human nature that people beat others down, so that they seem better by comparison. It is bad enough that it happens over the internet, but the same behaviour continues in all human existence. I mean, that’s all war is, rather than sitting down and compromising, someone attacks someone else so they retaliate.  Yes, it is more extreme than internet hate, but the basic idea is the same. *shrugs*

I was trying to point out that there are similarities with parties at both sides of any war. But what people focus on, is the differences. And of course differences end up with conflictions of interest, and this ends up in disagreements which may lead to fighting. But if we look at the similarities, that people want freedom, they want to have healthy families, have a good life, there is little to conflict over. And any differences are just opinions, and they should be treated with grace and people should be allowed to live.

“Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.”-Bertrand Russell

Universally Speaking

I was sitting thinking, the other day about the blog post I did a few days ago, where I was talking about relationships. And despite me being rather cynical about love, you can’t deny that it is something that bypasses language and other barriers. Gestures of love and kindness are something that is not restricted to the English language. And that, is rather romantic in itself, thinking that love rises above the barriers our modern world has created.

So, even if we go more primal, and think about the concept of finding a mate. This is something which goes beyond humankind, a great variety of creatures mate for life. Wolves, coyotes, beavers, Golden Eagles and Ospreys are just a few creatures which mate for life. This isn’t them living together and playing happy families, a lot of the time it is just that they are programmed to be social with the opposite sex, and assist in the raising of young. It is mechanical, something which is where a persons need to be in a relationship comes from.  It’s the biological urge to have a place where you have a family of people around you, as a network of support, because ultimately that is why animals like Wolves live in packs.

The network that people have has changed over the centuries. No longer are people together simply as mates, and build a network around their mate. They have networks of colleagues, of friends, of people other than the traditional parents, and various family members. So, as our world takes more steps away from nature, so do our network of relationships. So rather than the basic, man meets woman, they have sex, have children, that’s their lives, people have jobs, ambitions and are not so focused on finding a partner. Especially when you see that it used to be that girls where paired with a suitor by the time they were 16.

I guess amidst all my rambling, what I am trying to say is that the human race isn’t unique in having urges to show fondness towards others. A lot of our behaviour comes from our past as more basic creatures, it’s just third party causes, such as money and technology, has distorted what should be the most natural thing that a person should experience.

You can’t talk about love, without your mind going to the polar opposite, which is hate. Hate, in most aspects is thought of as ‘revenge’. Why? Well, again it comes down to the basic families and networks that people have created over time, be it religion, work, or anything. If anything threatens our network, people resort to their primal instinct of  trying to defend it. Which then brings intolerance, as people get overly sensitive, and well…you get a whole of bother.

But, fights and duels happen all the time in the wild, as creatures try to protect what is theres’.  It’s just the ‘more sophisticated’ humans, use guns and destroy everything, to the point it becomes mindless. But it all stems from urges and behaviours that are built-in to our nature, something that makes us no different from any other person, or any other creature on earth.

 

Anono-Hate

Maybe it’s because I have been lucky in the past, but recently, for the first time ever, I have been getting anonymous hate on various social networks. Now, I know I shouldn’t be bothered by it, but I don’t see the point. Isn’t there enough hate in the world, without people giving it to people they don’t even know? I think it’s the fact that people have the time to hate on people they don’t even know, that annoys me. Why would you waste  your time doing this?

The main culprits are Formspring, YouTube and Tumblr, where people sent you hate for no reason. Some show their name, some are anonymous, and to be honest, it’s not that that bothers me. It’s the fact that people are will to pass judgement on people they don’t know. Maybe it’s just because I’m the kind of person who wouldn’t do that. I mean, as much as I spend a lot of time online, I refuse to spend it hating people I don’t know. But I am like IRL too, I mean, I won’t hate on someone who has treated me nice.

Taking that stance, you’d think that it wouldn’t bother me, but sometimes it does. When you are trying to express yourself, and do things that you genuinely have difficulty doing, and someone just shoots you down without a thought, it hurts. It doesn’t matter whether you know the person or not.

For instance, I have always had issues with how I look. It sounds awful angsty of me, but I do. I have never felt confident about doing anything in public, because I felt embarassed at how I looked. A few people, from various internet communites I take part in, advised me to start a YouTube channel and do a video blog. I did this, and it helped bring my confidence up a lot. And if I’m honest, it helped me learn to speak a little clearer too. Which is all good. Then you get a message from someone saying that they wasted minutes of their lives watching me, and I should die. It was a shock the first time it happened, but it started happening on every video, so I got used to it.

This did me good, because I had to tell myself that these people didn’t know me. I mean, only someone stupid would watch a video labelled ‘Vlog’, and moan because it was someone talking to a camera. *shrugs* I don’t mind if someone wants to comment negatively, and tell me what is wrong, but bitchy hate which is straight out of High School, on the other hand.  But, I did manage to get over the pointless hate, and I still posted what I wanted, and I continued to see my own self-confidence improve.

The next step, was to go on Dailybooth, and take a picture of myself a day, to kinda force me to accept the way I look, which I still hate. Which is cool, I opened up an account a few days ago, and although I still don’t like looking at the pictures, I do anyway. Dailybooth, is a site where you take a picture everyday, and it kind of becomes a photoblog, of sorts. Its a nice idea and it works well, considering I am still new at it. But, as with YouTube, I have already (after 5 days) got hate about me being ugly. Which is nice. Considering I am doing the whole DailyBooth thing because I am trying to get my confidence up about my looks.  I got a bit angry about it, to be honest. Although, I did go to the hater’s profile, and find that he had been getting hate, so he was just relaying that hate to someone else, so I did feel a little better about it.

I dunno, I just don’t understand the whole hate thing, I mean isn’t the world bad enough, without people adding to the misery. Ok, misery is maybe a bit strong, but you know what I mean.

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