Communication is important. It is how everything gets done. Whether it is you telling a shop worker what you want, reading your email list, or watching a TV show. Without effective communication, we’d be sitting staring at a wall all day, on our one.

Sometimes, that seems like a good idea.

I have recently bought my second car, after over 6 months of no driving. I was a bit worried about driving again, but I found it a bit like riding a bike. It was super easy to get back into, which is good, cause I kind of love driving. The problem ended up being with other drivers.

My dad used to be a driving instructor, and always drummed into me, and my siblings, that it is ALWAYS, mirror, signal, manoeuvre when driving. This means, if you need slow down before turning in at a junction, you should indicate first. This allows other drivers to see what you are planning to do. Seems simple, right? Not every driver follows this rule, and you will get people just turning, or breaking for no reason. You will get cars coming onto the road, right in front of you, as if you are invisible. I have a bright blue Volkswagen Beetle, it’s not exactly something that blends into its surroundings. It frustrates me. But I can see why accidents happen. A lot.

I sometimes think, that being able to read minds would be super helpful. Just so I’d get a heads-up on what other drivers are going to do. I think it would be a great ability. Like, as if you level up when you pass your driving test and unlock the ability to read minds. Although, I don’t know if I’d want to read everyone’s mind. My mind is weird enough without seeing too much of other people’s weird thoughts.

Impatient

If I really want something, I don’t like waiting. I want it now. I have always been the same. Sometimes I am like a child whining for dessert, when they still have their dinner to eat first.

I passed my driving test a year and a half ago. I had a car, which was in a crash, so ownership was short lived. Yesterday I got another car, after over 6 months of not driving. Now, I don’t mind the bus, but when it takes me so much longer to get home after a shift, it gets to become an annoyance. The bus fares are constantly going up, where I live, and the services seem to be getting worse.

So I finally got a car yesterday. A wee VW Beetle and I love it. Been for a few drives since I got it, and I am so happy. I have money saved away, to help fix it if anything needs done. Because it is an older car, from 2004. I missed being able to go out for a drive. But part of me still is fearing about another crash, so I think ‘if the car is at home, there can’t be an accident’. I need to get out of that thinking, as I think it is still making me nervous.

But after a few weeks of really bad anxiety, the feeling of something going right, is nice.

Finding The Balance

I haven’t been posting again. It has been a conscious decision for the first time in my life. It was a signing out of browsers and apps, so that I could disconnect from things a bit. I am really bad at putting pressure on myself to do things. Usually, it is meaningless things, things that are not essential. Blogging became one of those things, and it quickly became a thing that stressed me out. Which is the opposite to what writing usually has for me.

Where stress came into play, was that I would want to post a few times a week, and I wasn’t really in the mood. My mind was elsewhere, and I couldn’t think of anything to write about. But, because I had set my mind on posting something, I would start panicking that I was failing. I don’t know what you really fail at, if you don’t post on a blog that noone reads, but it was still a stress-point. My head has a way of recognising what I fail at, whilst ignoring everything else. And by recognising, I mean constantly berating myself till I feel so suffocated I get dizzy. Which is not nice.

So, I have been taking time out. Time to re-assess things. Try to find the pleasure in writing again. It would be nice. I mean, writing has been a favourite thing of mine for years, and it has helped me figure a lot of things out. Doesn’t mean I am any good at writing, but I should get a Blue Peter badge for trying. To write when I want, not because I feel I have to.

In the time I have spent away from my computer, I have tried to do things I like. I have been going on long drives in my car, which is fun. Being able to go where I want, when I want, instead of waiting on buses has changed my life. I have explored all around where I live, visited towns I’ve never been and walked in parks and woodland. It has really helped me chill out. I put a crappy CD on, put petrol in the car and just follow a road somewhere. There is no pressure to exceed, just drive safely. Learning to drive really is the best thing I have done in years.

I just need to try and find a mix between productivity and relaxation. If I can try to not stress about being productive, I am sure I will find pleasure in writing again. I just need to remember sometimes, that what my head thinks is most important, isn’t always that way.