Tag: diet

Where To Lean?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Everyone has their own problems in life, and as much as we try to keep things to ourselves, we have to rely on other people every now and then. We need support of those around us to help us keep going in times of hardship. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, to look around us in times of hardship, for reassurance and guidance.

But what do you do when you look around you, and can’t find that moral support that you need?

We live in a world where we can easily become surrounded in gadgets and gizmos rather than people, and we don’t realise how alienating it can be. I only noticed that recently when a person around has decided to make a change, and got all the support she needed. But when had previously turned to them for help, I was kind of ignored. I kind of felt rejected. And then my anxiety decides to have it’s say. I mean, maybe I can’t find the support because everything I have tried before, I have failed at. When I start thinking like that. I don’t want to ever try anything new again. And it’s upsetting.

When I first started having problems with anxiety and depression, I really couldn’t feel like I could turn to anyone around me. That’s where the internet has come in use. I found a place where I could rant and rave, and I felt like I wasn’t imposing my issues on anyone else. I feel that I have a lot of stuff to deal with, and sometimes it would be nice to have someone to turn to. A person to share stuff with, but everyone else has their own lives and issues, I don’t want to weigh them down with my drama.

Change For Life?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

For as long as I can remember I have always been on the heavier side of life. When I was little I was always told I looked like a wee rugby player, something that never bothered me at the time, because I quite liked rugby. As I got older, the comments got a bit harsher. All comments made towards me, seemed to be about my weight. Something that I did my best to ignore, I was fairly active (so I told myself) so I couldn’t be that fat. I ignored it, and invested my time in doing what I wanted, eating what I wanted and enjoying myself. Which there is nothing wrong with, the problem is knowing where to stop. I didn’t.

When I was at school I got my first job, a paper round that gave me less than a £5 a week. Wasn’t a lot, but it was my money. I spent it on magazines and crap food. I’d quite happily spend my hard earned money on multipacks of 6 packs crisps, which I’d sometimes eat in one day. It gave me a sense of control, which was needed as school, something I was always good at, started to go downhill. I was struggling, and all my friends seemed fine. Eating would take my mind off thinking about being a failure, and I didn’t have to bother anyone. As I have got older, food has been there out of habit. When there was something I couldn’t talk about that was bothering me, I’d scoff junk food and wash it down with fizzy juice. And the more money I have, the more junk I buy.

Why am I saying all this? Well, I was watching a health program last night, where people were weighing themselves to see how overweight they were. Now, I have weighed myself fairly inconsistently over the last 6 months or so, but the numbers were numbers, and I made no real connection with it. I mean, what has a kilo done for me? But I was intrigued and weighed myself, to see what ‘weight class’ I came in. At 5 foot 2, I weigh 103 kg.That makes me OBESE. It’s kind of slapped me in the face a bit. I knew I was fat, always chubby, but never thought obese. After a cry to myself, I spent last night browsing the effects of obesity, and what it does to your body. Well, two things were highlighted straight away to me. First, obesity can cause muscle pain and inflammation, something I have dealt with FOR YEARS. Secondly, a bad diet can have detrimental effects on your body’s ability to fight bugs, and the bad stuff. I have been suffering with various illnesses over the last 6 months, which could have something to do with a poor immune system.

As a bigger girl, I have always been against a certain figure being the aim for every woman out there. Every person has their own shape. And that’s okay. But, the moment your body starts rebelling against whatever life choices you have made, you should listen and change few things. And that’s all I want to do, change a few things. My body isn’t very happy. I have the complaints of joint pain and a cough that just won’t leave, and I also have no energy after a shift at work. It’s getting to the stage that I feel like I am missing out on life, because I can’t be bothered doing anything. And of course my anxiety then jumps in, and convinces me that if I can’t be bothered with myself, why should anyone else. And that is how I devour several packets of crisps instead.

What if losing weight does help my health issues, like my mental health? I know it won’t solve every problem, but maybe it could make things easier. I just haven’t been able to relax since I read about being obese. It’s no one’s fault but my own, I accept that. So if I am to try and fix it, I need to take full ownership in that too. I am back using the Weight Watcher online tracker, and going to see how that works.

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I wanted to talk about this on here, as this blog has been a good way of helping me through problems previously. So because this has been something stuck in my head, I thought I’d write about. Hopefully documenting my feelings in such a way will help keep me moving. Fingers crossed, and I’ll try and write down any progress or issues I am having.

Achievement Unlocked

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

What do you do when you achieve something?
How do you celebrate?

I was having a think today about how I am making effort to eat a bit healthier. I made a couple of good choices over the last few days, and I should really be happy about it. But, I am so used to my plans falling apart that the fact I was sticking to what I intended was ignored. I barely registered that I had done anything right. Which considering how much I beat myself up when I fail, you’d think I’d celebrate doing something right. But I don’t.

This made me feel a bit strange. Uncomfortable, even. How could I focus so much on the negative, and ignore when something goes well? After talking to a couple people at work, it seems that I am not alone. People can be overly harsh if they miss a target, but don’t do anything if they achieve it. Considering the amount of resolution failures there are at this time of year, you’d thing people would make a deal about actually seeing something through.

When I had my food, with no snacking I felt good. And I spent a little time just thinking ‘well done’ to myself. Food is a big issue with me, and always has been. I eat whenever i fancy, so to hold back is a big achievement. Particularly when food is staring at me all over the house. It makes me sad that I don’t act proud of myself when I do well. It’s even more horrible when you think that other people do that too. Praise yourself, you earned it.

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

It’s hard to believe that’s another year behind us. I feel like the last few years have gone too fast, and I barely have had the chance to catch my breath. Saying that, I am glad 2013 is over with, because it was a bad year. Well, not awful, but I really struggled through the year, and actually experienced some of my lowest periods than I have for a long time.

But, I got through it, and managed through the year, as hard as it appeared sometimes. And the cliched thing to do at this time of the year is to close that chapter of one’s life, and plan for the year ahead. I am not normally the type of person to do that, but it feels very theraputic for me not to focus on what happened in 2013. Because, if I’m honest, I know that I will focus on the bad stuff that happened. So, looking ahead to all the changes I could make, and how it can positively change my life. So, I have made a few aims, to change things for my life.

1) Eat healthier. I am not talking about diets, and quick fixes. I want to change my attitude on food, not just lose weight. I need to cut down on the sugary drinks and fatty snacks. I have read for years that bad fats and too much sugar can make you lethargic. In my job, I need as much energy as possible, because I am on my feet all day, and I simply can’t eat when I feel like it. So, I need to make sure I am eating the right foods, so that I am not bloated either. My plan initially is to cut down on the sugary drinks, and see what happens. One step at a time.

2)Be a better friend. I feel that I have been stuck in my own head for most of last year. And as a result, I haven’t been very good at returning messages or meeting up with friends. I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for my friends, so I feel like I owe them a lot. As such, I feel super guilty that I haven’t been there for people as much as I should have been. I have always had this guilt that was created because I felt guilty about ‘forcing’ myself on people, particularly because folk have their own issues. I want to push my own conclusions out of my head. All I can do is check in with folk and try to meet up with people. If people don’t get back, or decline an invitation, it’s their choice, it has not indication on what kind of person I am.

3)Get out and enjoy more live music. 2013 was a rather uninspiring year for gigs. I have been to see bands locally, but that’s about it. I have made the excuse of having no money, and never ventured out of the house. Live music is one of the great passions of my life, and I am guilty of not seeing as much as I want. This year, I am going to go out and see bands, weekly hopefully. Even if it means I am drinking water, so that I can pay a few quid for entry to see a few bands play in Edinburgh. The joy of seeing live music is worth it. If I plan gigs and events to go to, it makes it easier to deal with the bad days, because I’ll have something to look forward to.

So that is it. They are just three wee things, made up of regrets from the last year. I think that if you want to change, you should focus on the things that you are most disappointed with yourself about. Mostly, because negativity can be used to drive you so far. Regardless how it ends up, I aim to make the best out of what ever happens this year. And I hope that all my readers have a fantastic 2014.