Challenges Don’t Challenge Me

It is the 2nd of April, which means a new season of tasks for online creativity. I normally look at BEDA, or Blog Every Day in April, where I aim to post something every day over the course of April. I fail. All the time. And instead of inspiring me to be more productive, I am discouraged and don’t want to do anything.

A challenge is supposed to inspire a person to do bigger and better. It is an opportunity to prove to yourself what you can actually do, beat your own expectations. And, if you do it in a group, you can all help motivate one another, it can work very well. Blogging is a rather solitary task, so it is nice to not do it on your own. Nice to be able to discuss ideas and theories on what you are writing.

However, I haven’t really got involved in many groups and communities, which means I am on my own when it comes to motivation and ideas. And, it can be pretty difficult. And then I join a challenge, like BEDA, and hope it gives me the kick I need to post more regular, and the effect is opposite. I forget to post once, and feel I have failed the challenge, so don’t see the point in continuing. I sometimes struggle with deadlines and doing things, and although I set my own targets, sometimes they seem too large. I have a horrific fear of failure, of being told that I am not good enough. And I sometimes think that it is easier to give up, on my terms, rather than fall down despite my best aims. It is a habit that has been picked up from school, and it is an awful. Sometimes, I am better trying things without a serious goal. That way I can work away without the pressure, and I find I am better. It feels less forced, and there is no big nasty target to discourage me.

I am glad that challenges work for so many people, and every month there seems to be more coming to light. And, they do sometimes encourage me to pick up my art tools, camera or notebook, to try and create something. But, I have to remember that daily challenges don’t help me, so sometimes it is okay to simply sit out.


Trying Is Important

I attempted to blog every day in April, and I didn’t. Including this post, I blogged 21 out of 30 days. It doesn’t sound like much, but it is a lot better than what I thought I would do. Every other time I have tried any daily creative challenge, I have usually only work on it for a few days. I don’t even bother trying to struggle to do things, they become a challenge and I give up.

As I have mentioned previously, I have not been of the best health recently, and I have been going to work, eating and sleeping. I found that if you are not well, and continue working, you have no energy at all. It makes everything so much more difficult. I am not looking for sympathy, I just find that I forget how exhausting things can be sometimes. The good things is, that whilst I am still a bit bleugh, I am getting better. I am not trying to cough up a lung several times an hour and I am getting more sleep. This is making everything a wee bit easier to deal with. So I thought I’d pop on here, and just touch base.

The BEDA thing was fun when I did it. I love the process of creating content on a daily basis, and like the challenge of posting something. Some days were easier than others. Some days had hundreds of words, some just had a photograph. It made me realise what this blog means to me. It is one of the very few places online where everything posted is original content by me. Which as someone who likes being creative, I think it is important to have somewhere like that. Anyway, because I enjoyed blogging every day, I am going to try and continue posting daily now I am feeling better again. If I don’t post a day, it’s no big deal, I’ll just post the next day. The important thing is that I try, it gives me some kind of focus.