buy

It’s supposed to be the most depressing day of the year today. I don’t really understand the idea of dubbing a random day ‘the most depressing’.

I have been reading a lot about mindfulness and how most of what we feel is based on perceptions. So we assume things will be bad, because of the angle we are looking at it. I feel that is what happens when someone tells you a day is supposed to be depressing. You get into that mindset, and there is no getting away from it.

I’ll give you an example. I have been wanting a car, since I passed my driving test in November. I have now been 2 months since I passed my test, and because I haven’t been at a driving wheel since I had a melt down. Now, since I passed, I made the choice that I’d wait till I saved up money, and get the right car. But I made the mistake of reading all these negative articles about ‘Blue Monday’ as I ate my cereal this morning. Because I have so many issues with my mental health, I always think I am prone to these periods where depression runs high.

I was going to get a lift to the gym this morning, but my sister was taking her time, and a bus was due. So me being me, I left and went for the bus. All good so far. But then I started thinking about how at 18 she was offered to share a car with my dad. My brother was that age when he was gifted a car. And i couldn’t even get someone to come and look at cars with me. I started freaking out. What if I forget how to drive? What if I get in a car and freak out? What if I am never able to get a car? I got so worked up, I was sobbing at the back of the bus.

I stayed on the bus, despite just wanting to go home, and went to the gym as planned. I then sweated all the negativity out of my system, and I now feel better.

I feel I got so upset by reading all these articles about how people more successful than me felt low today. I mean, the whole idea of Blue Monday, is because people are waiting for the first payday after Christmas. That doesn’t apply to me, as I get paid weekly, but it didn’t stop the bad feeling. And I think by digesting all this writing about why I should be sad, I over-reacted to something completely different.

I have been reading The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein, and it is a book about changing your mindset. Putting trust in the universe and stop worrying about a future that hasn’t happened yet. The book tries to explain that by thinking in ‘love’ rather than ‘fear’, we can transform our lives. It sounds really silly, but this is revolutionary to me. It got me thinking how negativity does effect my day, and my life. I am trying to do the lessons that are in the books, but it is hard. Like everything, new habits need to be formed to make a difference.

Maybe the first habit I need to break from, is sensationalist articles on social media, trying to tell me how I should feel. Focus on the feel-good. Try a bit of positive mental attitude.

I am not a typical girl when it comes to shopping. Most times I don’t like it, sometimes I even hate it. Even when I was younger, I would sit outside the shops with my Dad and read a comic. And even now, as an adult, shopping is one of those things I wish I could get someone else to do.
I am pretty good when I am buying stuff for myself, except that I just don’t take long picking things. It’s a bit like, I’ll to an general area for something I need, and I’ll just pick whatever I come to, and that’s it. I can’t be bothered with dithering between shops, trying to find something perfect. Oh no, not me. I get what I want, and then get a coffee. Is that not the best thing about shopping. Eating rubbish and drinking too much coffee?
I do have a bit of a list that I am trying to work through, though. A bit of a shopping list for myself, full of things that I like or that I need.
1)New car- or just any car. Doesn’t have to be new. I passed my driving test in November, and I have yet to get a car. It’s what happens when Christmas gets in the way. I just want an old car, one that will get me from A to B, without putting me in debt.
2) A New Stereo- Yes I still use a stereo, or I did. My old one died at the end of last year, and I have nothing to play my CDs on. Because I am becoming a bit of a vinyl fan, I’d like one with a turntable on it. I have a few options that I am looking at, and it would nice to just listen to music again. Go back to where I would switch my phone and computer off, and just listen to some music and read a good book. Without getting distracted.
3)A Bright Lamp- This sounds strange. But as well as being more productive with writing and drawing, I’d like to make more videos. I like talking to the camera, but being that good lighting isn’t a thing in my room, I need to add some myself.
4) Some new gym gear- I love the gym, and once I get back into going regular in the New Year, I’d like some fresh stuff. Because, last year, I didn’t know how I’d feel about the gym, I didn’t want to spend a lot of money on stuff that I maybe would only use once.
5) Some new clothes- Like good quality shirts, hoodies and patches. I would like to get back into DIYing things again. Especially as it would be cool for all the gigs I have coming up. I feel like a lot of my clothes are old, and I could do with them being refreshed.
6) A Macbook- I have wanted a Mac computer at home for so long. Just because it is something so good at multi-tasking, when I have used one before. Unfortunately, they are very expensive. When I am on my computer, I never do just one thing, so I’d like a computer that could handle that. And I would like a computer that isn’t Windows based, as that system annoys me.
Yes, I certainly do dream big. I think that a car, is the only urgent thing on this list. I really would liked to have got straight in a car after my test, but I couldn’t afford one on my own at that point. And the longer I am leaving it between getting a car and passing my test, I am getting more nervous. That is about 6 weeks since I passed, and I haven’t driven another car since. It is a lot of money, and I don’t want to waste a lot of money on something bad.
I just have to be patient. Though I am worse for that, than I am for shopping.

Tag: buy

Blue Monday?