Push it!

It’s very easy to sit back and do nothing. Too easy sometimes. It can be hard to do anything at all. Those days where I stare at a messy room or an empty page, and I can’t will myself to do anything about it. Honestly, it can be very easy, at this point, to just cut your losses and give up.

But don’t do that.

Keep trying. You don’t have to continue stuck, staring at what you need to do. You are stuck there, try something else. I personally find going for a walk helps, but anything that takes you away from the situation.

Come back at it with a fresh mind, and hopefully you can go at again. This time you may do it. If not, try again later. The important thing is not to give up. That’s never the answer.

Busy Bee

Everyone has those times, where you get so busy and hectic, that you get completely overwhelmed. It is something that happens to me regularly, and I find that it can really trigger my anxiety. I start losing my temper, start panicking, I overheat and I get upset. The worst feeling is, that I get the idea in my head that I am only overwhelmed because I am useless. A good person, who could actually do things properly, would never have got so worked up about it. And, thinking like that, can start a cycle of demeaning myself, and feeling worse and worse.

These days, I know that if I power through, things will calm down, and with that, my anxiety will subside. And then, I can just focus on my job again. Which is such a relief. Whilst it is good to know that I can get through being overwhelmed, it is frustrating that it still happens so regularly. Anxiety, for me, feels like I lose control of my emotions, something that adds to the feeling of intensity. It is exhausting.

Although people who see me get worked up might disagree, I am slowly getting better at dealing with this. I try to simply focus on what task is directly in front of me. Usually panic attacks come on, because I see all the work I have to do, and I feel bad that the pile is ever-growing. And that pile of work, is just a badge of dishonour, letting the world know that I can’t cope. In a calm mind, I know that a work list getting bigger, is not necessarily an indication on my abilities, more the situation which is outwith my control.

Usually, at home, listening to music or a walk in the fresh air, work as tactics to get away from any panic I feel rising. So I can go off on my own, collect my thoughts, and come back and attack tasks with a fresher mind. But, in situations not at home, none of these solutions are possible. If I can stay focused on my task, sometimes I can just focus on what I am doing, and blank out everything else. But that isn’t always possible either. I have tried to hum or sing to myself when I get into situations that can trigger my anxiety. That can help. But, I get nervous of someone judging me for singing a silly Disney song. I am trying to get over that.

Not so long ago, if I was busy and got overwhelmed, I would just leave the situation completely. That sometimes meant leaving work early or cancelling on friends. I don’t do that anymore. I do push through it. I just need to deal better with what happens when I have to work through stuff. But, that takes time.

Back To Normal

This is the day where everything has officially returned to normal. The Christmas decorations are all away, which leaves everything looking less… well, happy. Everywhere looks so alive with all the lights and tinsel, now it all just looks empty.

What do you do to fill that ’emptiness’?

Well, because I was pretty disappointed with what I achieved (or didn’t achieve) last year, I felt I’d take a new approach. Try to make my life busy, and towards some end goals. Goals that include learning to drive, being more creative and eating healthier. Which sounds pretty standard right. But, I am trying to get away from thinking of them as resolutions. Going to do wee things every day, or try to. Hopefully, if I forget one or even all my goals one day, I can focus on the next day. Do my best.

It’s going to get harder as I go back to work later this week. And that makes me lazy. My job has me on my feet all day, and because I am so tired afterwards, it is so easy to do nothing. And that’s the wee bit I need to change. Make sure that I keep active when I come home. That I do something, no matter what it is. Something other than simply vegging in front of the TV.

Let’s make 2016 the best year yet.

Been busy

Over the last week or so, I have been really busy.

*Reading Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows, and writing notes on it*

*Listening to Oasis, Hanson, Stereophonics, a1 and other musical obsessions from my school days*

*Browsing for things to buy with pay, including John Green books, a Ravenclaw scarf, GC pre-order pack for cardiology and (yes, you read this right) a skirt*

*watching too many Vlogs, again*

*Barely seeing the people I live with. I’m starting to think its just me and my cat in the house*

*Watched Firefly, and remembered how awesome it is*

*Watched Lip Service and realised the BBC will never make a show as awesome as The L Word*

*Started drawing for the first time in ages- whoot*

*Realised how much I suck at Wii games, I am better at MW2 and Forza on Xbox*

*Registered for NaNoWriMo, and aim to reach the goal of writing a 50,000 word novel throughout the month of November*