Tag: blogging

Blogmas day 1 of…

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Every time I see a challenge for blogging, I want to join in. I want to see myself do something, than I can say was successful. Because, I will be honest, me and success don’t necessarily go hand and hand. I am a serial failer, it is like a talent. Not a talent anyone actually wants to have, to be honest.

The aim of blogmas is to create something every day of December and post it online. It is supposed to be a boost to your creativity, something to help kickstart flagging creativity. It sometimes works. A lot of the time I don’t keep up with anything, and I fall begging after a couple of days.

This doesn’t mean that I can’t try. I am optimistic, but life is rather busy at the moment. I know a lot of people are very good at being creative regularly, and when speaking to them, they have said that constantly challenging yourself is essential to keeping creativity alive.

May Challenge: Mundane

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I find it hard to be creative, sometimes. Especially when it feels like life is very boring. Sometimes you wake, work, eat, sleep, rinse and repeat. It feels very boring because you do the same thing every day and it is very hard to get inspired. It can feel hard enough trying to function in your daily life without the need for inspiration to strike.

And, that is what I tend to struggle with the most. I am a naturally creative, person. I like keeping busy by making things. But, you often need to be able to imagine those things before you can create them. It has become one of those problems that has become difficult to describe to people who aren’t of the creative mind. Like, how do you find the interesting, in the mundane?

When someone finds the answer, it would be great if they would let me in on the secret.

This month, although I haven’t stuck to this challenge, I have been able to keep at it. The topic sitting at the sidelines, means that, if I can switch off, I can try and do something. And like most things, creativity becomes easier once you have beaten the mental block. And, for me that is good. As sometimes the challenges I opt into, don’t have any prompts, and that often makes my mental block worse. As if I can’t imagine random content ad hoc, how can I do it on demand? So, maybe going forward, I shall try and look at prompt lists, just to have in the background. Just to be there if I feel the need to write, but can’t think up anything.

The important thing is that if you do feel fed-up with life, try to find the differences in every day, or add stuff to your routine that makes it better. Most lives feel mundane, no matter the person or the job. Every job has its routine, the boring, but essential, parts. So part of adulthood may be learning to find the excitement within the mundane.

Late Night Post

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

It’s been one of those days, where I should have just stayed in bed. It’s been a day full of bad luck, which is pretty annoying. But I suppose those kind of days do happen sometimes.

I was so tired until I came up to my bed. And now I am wide awake, and decided to test out my new wireless keyboard. I have recently become an owner of an iPad 6. I originally had an iPad 2, but it broke a while ago. When I had my previous iPad, and any other tablet device since, I always wanted to do my writing on a more physical keyboard, rather than the touch screen. So, this week, I found a deal online, which included a new case for my iPad, as well as a wireless keyboard.

I own a Lenovo laptop, which I do most things on. But sometimes, I want to write without having to go through starting up a computer. The iPad is great for that, as it switches on so quick. And this wee wireless keyboard is great for typing wee things. It will be great for when I am out and about and have time to kill. Cause I don’t really like carrying around my laptop, which sounds stupid.

I am planning on getting back on track for the last week or so of my May Challenge, but I just wanted to post something since I can’t sleep.

Challenges Don’t Challenge Me

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment


It is the 2nd of April, which means a new season of tasks for online creativity. I normally look at BEDA, or Blog Every Day in April, where I aim to post something every day over the course of April. I fail. All the time. And instead of inspiring me to be more productive, I am discouraged and don’t want to do anything.

A challenge is supposed to inspire a person to do bigger and better. It is an opportunity to prove to yourself what you can actually do, beat your own expectations. And, if you do it in a group, you can all help motivate one another, it can work very well. Blogging is a rather solitary task, so it is nice to not do it on your own. Nice to be able to discuss ideas and theories on what you are writing.

However, I haven’t really got involved in many groups and communities, which means I am on my own when it comes to motivation and ideas. And, it can be pretty difficult. And then I join a challenge, like BEDA, and hope it gives me the kick I need to post more regular, and the effect is opposite. I forget to post once, and feel I have failed the challenge, so don’t see the point in continuing. I sometimes struggle with deadlines and doing things, and although I set my own targets, sometimes they seem too large. I have a horrific fear of failure, of being told that I am not good enough. And I sometimes think that it is easier to give up, on my terms, rather than fall down despite my best aims. It is a habit that has been picked up from school, and it is an awful. Sometimes, I am better trying things without a serious goal. That way I can work away without the pressure, and I find I am better. It feels less forced, and there is no big nasty target to discourage me.

I am glad that challenges work for so many people, and every month there seems to be more coming to light. And, they do sometimes encourage me to pick up my art tools, camera or notebook, to try and create something. But, I have to remember that daily challenges don’t help me, so sometimes it is okay to simply sit out.

Social Media Care

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I remember when I started using social media, many years ago (in fact, 10 years ago), it was a place of excitement. It was new for everyone, it was filled with normal folk, as advertisers hadn’t really jumped on the bandwagon yet. Social media became a place of freedom of expression. Unfortunately, for a lot of people, this isn’t the case anymore. No matter what you express, it feels like there are always people about to try and pick holes in what you say. Like, I try to be kind and advice-like when I write, but people like to jump on what I say to be all ’that isn’t how it is to me, so you are lying’. And these people are usually anonymous profiles who seem to spend all their time hating other people.

It is important to look after yourself in an atmosphere that can be so destructive. So, I thought up I few things that I use, when social media gets to me.

1) Block button. Every social media site has the ability to mute or block certain users. This is good. You might have a friend who is posting annoying rubbish for a TV show you hate, you can mute them for a while. This means, you are still following them, but you don’t see their content for a while. Blocking means that the person is unfollowed, can’t see what you post or anything on your profile. This is a good way to cut out people who may be harassing you.

2)Take time out. Go for a day or so without social media. I usually simply put my phone on airplane mode for a few hours, like when I am studying, so that I can focus without the constant pinging of my phone. If that isn’t enough, and you want a few days away from the distraction of your Facebook timeline, delete the app from your most used device. A lot of the time, we check social media constantly because it always seems to be there. And it not being there, can free up a lot of time.

3)Don’t read bad comments. Sometimes, you could post a picture of an apple on Instagram, and it would attract bad comments. If you see this happening, try not to feel down. These people seem to get some kind of thrill of bringing people down. You can disable comments on many social media services, as well as make it so only your friends can comment. You will find that people are a lot less confrontational if they know you, or have to share their identity.

4) Just laugh. Try not to take social media too seriously. A lot of the content that you will be shown on sites like Facebook and Twitter are there to get a reaction. So they will either be content you agree with, or content you massively disagree with. For example, I would say I am ’left-leaning’ when it comes to politics, so the stuff I get shown is either supporting that stance, or is wildly opposing those views. So, try not to take everything as gospel, and just laugh when people do. It also can defuse a situation building up within yourself, as laughter does make you feel better.

5) Be kind to yourself. If you find anything on social media to be causing any kind of negative reaction to yourself, then step away. You are the only you there is, so it’s important you look after yourself. If there is too much BS happening, then go and read a book, play a computer game or whatever social media is distracting you from.

You can be selective over what you show on social media, and it’s important to remember that. Because everyone else is too. A lot of people show part of themselves, whether it be a nice or a nasty side. So if someone attacks you, then remember it is just what they think they see, it’s not actually you.

Updates Smupdates

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I have been having a bit of a nightmare recently. Where I don’t feel like I have anything to say. It doesn’t sound too problematic to most people, but when you are used to expressing yourself in a therapeutic way, it really becomes suffocating. I have previously found that anonymity of writing things online, without it effectively anything in my personal life. Recently though, I have been finding that more and more things are getting back to people, who are getting offended that I don’t want to talk to them about my problems. And this means that I don’t write down or say anything, because I feel guilty that I can’t simply phone someone up and explain away my feelings. I wish that would work, but it doesn’t for me.

As a result, I have been hesitant on what I write down in personal and public journals. And it has been awful. I feel so much more stressed than I had been, when writing regularly. This could be just a coincidence, with me getting phased on anti-depressants at the same time I found it difficult to write about things, but it feels more significant than that. I think that it hurts that the one thing that provided me with some relief with my mental health issues is now triggering the same issues that I would write about.

My anxiety gets triggered by a lot, but feeling guilty is a major one. A lot of the time the guilt is about something that has nothing to actually do with me, personally. I always worry that someone has taken offense to what I have said, and it really stresses me out. I have panic attacks, which are very messy and full of tears. I will dwell on things for days. If someone speaks to me harshly, then I assume it is something I have done wrong, so I panic over it. Someone can say something to me that they will forget within 10 minutes, but I will stress over it for days. It’s frustrating because, logically, there is nothing for me to be concerned about, but logic doesn’t seem to be a factor when anxiety takes hold.

I remember when I first started having mental health issues, when I was a teenager, and everything was just brushed off. I lost count in the amount of times that I was told to ‘grow up’, something that stuck with me for a long time. Like, this big, dark cloud that I was dealing with, was just me being immature. It wasn’t, but by the time I realised this, had stopped turning to people, as I was obviously a burden. I fear judgement and guilt from turning to other people, something that is a massive part of my anxiety. And now, the same people who told me to ‘grow up’ all those years ago, want me to talk to them?

It is difficult, and people should always be mindful in how they act towards others. Just because something doesn’t effect you, doesn’t mean it doesn’t effect other people.

Guilty of feeling bad

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Right now, it feels like every time you read the paper or watch a news broadcast, something else horrible is happening in the world. Innocent people are dying every day. And it is awful.

It can be difficult to relate to. I,for example, feel unbelievably guilty. I have my fair share of physical and mental health issues, and a lot of times it is hard to even hard to get dressed, never mind do something productive. But I watch the news, see the suffering of others who are much worse off than me. It starts the internal berating of myself, where I feel inadequate that I seem to have a lot, but I can’t deal. People have it worse. Someone said that at work today, to me. I didn’t offer a reply, but in my head, it reinforced the belief I was building up about myself.

It doesn’t make for a happy life. It makes every day feel like it’s double the length. My anxiety flares because i feel so guilty and unworthy, it causes my stomach to become unsettled so that every meal I eat, ends up in the sewerage system. It stops me from sleeping, I feel that if I can’t appreciate and enjoy my life, then maybe I shouldn’t wake up in the morning.

But, when in a calmer state, I realise everything I do is completely irrelevant to whatever disaster is in the news. Now, that sounds awful. But bear with me. My anxiety comes in different flavours. Sometimes my brain makes me feel unimportant, and sometimes it makes me feel responsible for EVERYTHING. So, the days where I feel hopeless, I try to break tasks down, like if I don’t process this task, a customer won’t get their refund. It is a small thing, but makes me feel I have a purpose.

When I am a bit more calm, like I am now, I can be logical. I can think of a way round my issues. But when anxiety hits, logic is furthest from my mind. I have donated to charities for the Manchester attack, the Grenfell Tower fire, and many others. Sometimes, feeling like I tried to give something helps calm my anxiety. But if you are struggling with current affairs and are feeling guilty or just questioning your place in the world, sometimes the best thing to do is to not constantly watch the news. I watch half an hour a day, and that’s it.

Don’t allow your mental health to bully you into feeling guilty for something you have nothing to do with. Which is hard, I know. You can also try to speak (or ramble online, like I do) about what you are feeling. If you are having a hard time health-wise, nothing should be-little what you are going through. And if someone tries to, ignore them. Look after yourself and those close to you.

____________
If you need mental health help visit The Samaritans

Donate to the Grenfell Tower fire fund, this situation is still ongoing, and the death toll is expected to rise. red cross appeal

Bad Connection

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

You don’t need to read very much here, to realise that I can get stressed out over nothing. Silly things, can have such an adverse effect on my mood. It doesn’t even really matter what it is, really. But that happens to everyone.

These days, we are so used at getting anything we want so easily. Years ago, if we wanted to know anything, we would have to have went to a library and researched. Now? A simple internet search can find you everything from historical information, to recipes, to watching cartoons. No longer do people have to wait months for new programmes to air in their respective countries, they can find an online service to stream content the same day as it is aired in the country of origin. I tell you now, my 12 year old self, would be utterly spellbound by this concept alone.

However. The internet becoming so important in daily life, does create an issue. Especially, when like today, your connection to the internet is a steaming pile of donkey shit. Yes, my internet connection, both my home broadband, and mobile 4G, have been playing up. It means, that it has taken till this time of night (10.30pm) before I could get a connection steady enough to post this. That is flaming ridiculous. Couldn’t listen to Spotify, couldn’t watch Naruto (sshhhh… don’t judge) and I had problems messaging my friend, because I use Whatsapp or Facebook messenger. I was angry. For most of the day.

It does make me think, what would I do if there was no internet. If I wanted to sit by the TV, I’d have to put on a DVD or stick to the schedules, instead of watching Youtube or … Naruto. (I am obsessed with Naruto, like a child, all over again.) I think it is very easy to take for granted on how simple it is to stay in contact with people, thanks to services such as Facebook. A service that can even link with your calendar on your phone or PC, to remind you of events or birthdays. The internet has simplified so much, that when it isn’t there, we come to a loss. If there is no connection to the web, everything can seem like it takes so much more extra effort.

Maybe we have just got lazy.

Lacking In Something

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I love writing. I used to try and keep journals growing up, with varying amounts of success, simply because I like it. I liked the idea of writing something personal about a certain situation, having a certain view, and then reading it at a later time, laughing at my own reaction about something. Or even being like, ‘I can’t believe I felt like that about such and such a person’. As I got older, I realised that a lot of the things I felt were memorable at the time, I actually didn’t remember at all later on. Like, that moment that your first crush ignores you at break time was heartbreaking at 10 years old, but it doesn’t take long for that same moment to have you scratching your head as to why you were so upset. It’s one of the good things about keeping diaries.

I have tried to keep up writing personal journals, but I am getting to the stage where it can take 2/3 years to fill a single book. Which feels a little frustrating for me, because I feel like I am missing out on things. It is like when I discuss this with people around me, they can equate it to not posting on social media. I’ll be honest, I get super annoyed, when people think my wee diary with scribbled drawings is the same as Facebook. My diaries, especially when I was a teenager, were my venting point, that best friend I could tell my secrets to, and noone else would ever. Facebook, is the polar opposite to that. I suppose the idea with social media, is that you can post tidbits of your life to share with others, which is nice, but not everything needs to be shared. For example, glad to read that someone has a new puppy, not too glad to see someone has a new partner on the side. Some things should stay private, right?

This conflict in my mind, between what to share, and what to keep private, is getting harder to negotiate. For years, I used my blogs to vent, my diaries for more personal stuff, and other social media for… well more venting. If I get annoyed with a work colleague, for example, I will rant, but it will go in a small notebook that will never get anywhere near the internet. If it is a bigger issue, like people with bad attitude in the workplace, I may post about it online in a blog post. Mostly, because it allows me the space to explain in a broader sense, because it isn’t about a particular person. However, if I am PISSED, I may rant on Facebook, and honestly, that never ends well. Someone I know will ALWAYS think I am complaining about them, when I’m not. So it creates drama where there should be none.

But because I end up being cautious about what I write, in case I do indirectly offend a friend, I umm and errr over posts, and post nothing. My draft list is getting pretty long at this stage, because I do write a lot, I just decide to sit on the posts for a while, rather than just throwing it out into the wilderness of the internet. It frustrates me, because I never used to be so indecisive about what I post. And now, it is just becoming counter-productive. But that mental barrier holding me back is also stopping me from writing in my diary too. I think it just because there was no distinction of what I was writing, just different categories would go different places, and now I kind of have a block about writing anything.

I hope I am not the only person having such problems.

Better than who?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I bought a magazine called Blogosphere today. It was something that I decided to have a look at because I fell I need a little inspiration to get back on the blogging horse properly. The last few months I have been writing very sporadically, mostly because I don’t have a lot of ideas, and everything that I catch myself writing is mopey, rubbish. Not something I actually enjoy reading. 

Blogosphere is a magazine giving advice about creating content, and how writers got attention to their blogs. It’s very informative and helpful, but only if you have the right frame of mind. If I am feeling a little fragile about myself in general, it can be difficult to look at people who seem to already have success doing what they love. I love writing, it has become a major part of what helps me through life. But, I seem to ramble about nothing, and that doesn’t really get an audience. Yes, advice can be good, but complaining for the sake of complaining can be very painful to read.

But that’s maybe it. Yes, getting advice from other sources is good, which is why I bought Blogosphere. I have never been able to go to any events or conventions, so I have never really known how to get a focus on here. The problem can be, when you look at other bloggers who run vastly better sites than yourself, you can feel down on yourself. Which is quite easy to do, especially because blogging can be quite a solitary task, which is mostly writing musings on a particular topic. 

I guess the best thing, for me, is to try and think positively. Look at everything as something to help improve your own creative process. Its very easy to see something good, and look down on your own work negatively, but it’s important for your creativity not to do that. If you can look at the world and take away positive steps to move forward, that will always work in your favour. 

It is just re-training your brain to get away from the negative thoughts. But as long as you don’t give up, you will never fail. And the closer you get to your goals, it becomes easier to create. So just focus, and look at the world to help you.