An Afterthought

What happens after you achieve something that you have been working towards for a long time?

It sounds like a silly question, but it is something I have been thinking about. I have been a person who likes lists to work through. I very rarely finish all the tasks listed, but it is a handy way figure out what you need to do. But sometimes, the same task can sit on my to-do list for weeks at a time. It usually is because the task has a lot of work to do as part of it, and sometimes, I am simply too lazy. Actually, that is most of the time. I’d rather watch anime or read a book, especially when it comes to things such as housework.

But, once in a blue moon, I actually focus and do the task I have been needing to do for ages. And, when I get started, I am stubborn enough to get finished. But, when it is done, there is like a strange feeling. Because this thing that has been on my mind for so long, is suddenly gone. It doesn’t need to be dealt with anymore. It is quite a calming feeling to be honest, which is good. As a naturally anxious person, anything that can keep me calm is a good thing.

But… I never learn. I feel the good feeling of achieving something, but I still have the habit of procrastinating when other things need to be done. I annoy myself sometimes.

Pushing Through

Every person will reach a roadblock at some point. It could be physical, psychological or situational, but there will always be something that could stop you from reaching your intended goals. This is something that can be very disheartening, and is a pain to get through, as the more time that passes it feels that your goals are edging further and further away from your reach. It is hard to know what to do.

My main roadblock is my mental health, which I do talk about frequently on here, and I do find it hard to get past it. Particularly when I only end up doing part of a task, if that. There is this sense of failure that overcomes me, and it is a reason for my internal voice to berate me for being so useless. When that starts to happen it is hard to do anything at all. I can’t go for a walk, make a cup of tea, put on music, do ANYTHING that normally relaxes me. I am left in a state of loss, I never know what to do. I have no will to do anything, because what is the point if I am just going to fail. And it is something that I have struggled with for years.

But, after years of not really getting anywhere in life, I am teaching myself on how to deal with these roadblocks that I have. When I become discouraged because I feel that my goals are out of reach, I am trying to move the goals closer and making them easier to achieve. This may mean that the target is not as big as originally intended, but maybe that isn’t a bad thing if it gets me moving again. And when I have tried this, it seems to be working more and more. The feeling of achieving small goals is a lot nicer than the feeling of failing everything.

Maybe if you can’t pass a roadblock, building small steps will help you get over it or find a different route.

Achievement Unlocked

What do you do when you achieve something?
How do you celebrate?

I was having a think today about how I am making effort to eat a bit healthier. I made a couple of good choices over the last few days, and I should really be happy about it. But, I am so used to my plans falling apart that the fact I was sticking to what I intended was ignored. I barely registered that I had done anything right. Which considering how much I beat myself up when I fail, you’d think I’d celebrate doing something right. But I don’t.

This made me feel a bit strange. Uncomfortable, even. How could I focus so much on the negative, and ignore when something goes well? After talking to a couple people at work, it seems that I am not alone. People can be overly harsh if they miss a target, but don’t do anything if they achieve it. Considering the amount of resolution failures there are at this time of year, you’d thing people would make a deal about actually seeing something through.

When I had my food, with no snacking I felt good. And I spent a little time just thinking ‘well done’ to myself. Food is a big issue with me, and always has been. I eat whenever i fancy, so to hold back is a big achievement. Particularly when food is staring at me all over the house. It makes me sad that I don’t act proud of myself when I do well. It’s even more horrible when you think that other people do that too. Praise yourself, you earned it.