Category: Life

Change because of defeat is victorious

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I tried to explain yesterday,(indirectly) the difficulties that arise when a person has to admit defeat on a particular subject. As hard as it may be to accept, not everyone is born experts at everything. Sometimes we need to learn that the best way to overcome a problem is to face it head-on.

This may be something that is just as difficult, if not more so, than admitting that there is a problem. But if you ‘suck it up’ and deal with the problem, then look to change things away from the problem. Resolve a change can be the best, most productive thing to do in any situation. Again, it is a challenge, but that is a part of life, it is full of challenges. The only way a person will make it through life is to take on the challenges, pass or fail.

This idea has come from me trying to be positive thinking. It’s trying to find that silver lining that you hear about in all the songs and movies. And it has actually made things easier to accept and work with. This is so that I can make the change in my life, and turn things around.

Here’s hoping anyway

 

Admitting Defeat

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I find the hardest thing to do, is admitting to myself that I can’t do something. I have always felt that I should be able to deal with things, without help. If not because I ‘have to’, more because everyone else does it fine, so I will too. The thing is, not everything is easy for all people, some things are hard to take in, and deal with.

The worst thing is, asking for help. That is admitting that you can’t do something. You can’t do something that EVERYONE ELSE can do. I know it isn’t just me who feels like this, but I hate admitting that I can’t do something. Which sounds silly, because everyone has something that they can’t do. But, it’s hard. Especially when it is something you need to do on a daily basis as part of your job, or something.  If you start hating the thing that you struggle with, it can end up being the focus of all your energy, and it is negative energy. It’s hard to get over the obstacle that is in your way, if it seems to be something you have to confront regularly.

The worst thing is, when you think you are coping with said task, and it is evident to others around you that you aren’t. If forcing defeat yourself is hard, being told that you need help is even worse. Especially when you fool yourself into thinking things are okay. The self-pity takes over, and you feel ashamed that you didn’t have the guts to say you were struggling.

I think the lesson that comes out of such experiences, is that a person needs to be honest with themselves, through the good and bad. Honesty is easy when things are good, but when things are bad,  you have to train yourself to be honest. That is a challenge that I have to try and tackle over the coming weeks, and I think more people need to be honest with themselves. But I think honesty can also be linked to confidence, and that is where the problem lies for most people.

Content Error

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Adding personality and uniform to my online self is hard. I find I am struggling to keep things interesting. I am currently in a state where I have so much in my head that I want to say, but I always seem to be writing the same things constantly. Which, whilst being quite freeing to myself, it does end up that I post the same old grumblings day in and day out.

I love writing, I always have. But I am finding it harder and harder to keep up any momentum with interesting posts. Sure, I am great at moaning about my life (or lack of it), but I struggle in making things interesting for readers. I guess I have to start ‘feeling’ what I write again. I know that sounds strange, but I feel that I seem to have been really honest on here before, and the reaction kind of shocked me. The internet is full of people who give hate for no reason, and although it is easy to say that people should expect the worst, it doesn’t prepare for the hate that can be angled at you, for just posting your own thoughts.

And when I have received hate, it has shocked me, and kind of made me a little hesitant in posting so much. Which is sad. As mentioned I love blogging, and feel that it is a good way for me to talk through the issues in my mind. So I have just held back, and been posting a lot less than what I used to. This is something I regret letting happen, but it did. I am going to try and get back into things online, which means I need to start thinking up some interesting topics.

I am doing a ‘Sketch-a-day’ challenge, so I am going to try and post some of those pages, and see what happens.

Currently Listening to: Wicked- Defying Gravity

Lust for Life

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

How good am I?

It has been a while since I started the PMA lifestyle change, and I am still going strong. I don’t think I ever thought how hard it was to make the change. I think it is expressing myself that changes most. As a frequent user of social media, I am used to posting any gripes with the world for others to see. For no real reason, it just made me feel like I was complaining to someone, and helped relieve some of the stress incurred by a particular situation.

This didn’t work. What it did do, was get me into a complaining mood, and I moaned about everything.  And this would set of a chain reaction by anyone who read what I had posted. So they would start thinking about their gripes, and it could really sour the moods of a lot of people, without much thought.

The lack of thought could have quite a chain effect. So I have been making a solid attempt to stop myself from making negative comments online., in a bid to get me out of that mind frame. Whilst there has been a lot of challenges with this, it has went pretty well. I have tried to keep a smile on my face, and at least keep my negativity to myself, and shift my focus to something else.

It has allowed me to enjoy where I am more, and I feel more comfortable about any situation I am in. The key for getting past any negativity, for me, is to focus on that silver lining, there always is one, and focus all your energy on that. It really has helped, and I am in a better place for doing so.

Challenged

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

So, around a week into being all positive and I’m stilling doing well. It’s one thing being positive in general circumstances, when dealing with your job and things. But sometimes there can be something which challenges this new ideal. It’s normally work or family circumstances which throws a spanner in the works, and makes it harder to see the light side of things.

This is where I need to practice. Seeing the bright side of things, can be hard when all you see is cloudy sky. It is a challenge. But I have found a way of coping with such problems. I often got depressed because I focused on the problem in hand, which ends up making the situation worse rather than better. So instead, I am focusing on on other way round such things. Like if something is causing me a problem at work, I need to focus on something else about the task in hand. So if I am being shouted at by a customer at work (which happens a lot), it helps to think about what the main issue is, and focus on that, rather than what the irate customer is saying. It helps me stay focused and get through the call.

I guess it’s just finding a way out of negative thinking, no matter what.

Start All Over Again

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

So it’s Tuesday. The start of another week for me. And, I have to say that I am pretty enthusiastic about it.

Why are you not being faced with my usual grumbles, I hear you ask. I guess it’s because I feel good. That’s it really. Just that I feel like I am achieving something good and worthwhile. It is unusual for me, so I feel I should let the world know. I decided last week that I was going to use the next 12 weeks (now 11) to make a positive change on my life.

I am hoping to use the period to do things that I have been meaning to do for a while, such as buy glasses, renew my drivers license, etc. I have taken to writing a ‘to do’ list, and having a copy on my phone, so I can work through what I need or want to do for that day. It seems a good idea, and really helped me get prepared for the day today.

So, readers, do you have any methods that help you get tasks done?

Considering Worth

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I am one of the many people who has grown up with a low sense of self-worth. It is a creation for the over indulged masses, whose thoughts and feelings are considered more valuable than any physical work they can do.

After thinking about it, this something that is created by people who simply are not busy enough. It is hard to think self-indulgently if you have to work manual labour all day, every day. But people in developed countries, rarely work such demanding jobs, so their energy goes into analyzing their dreams and various other pieces of tedium. It is not to disrespect those who feel depression and over analyse things, but it does bear thinking if they would still behave in those manners if they were worked harder.

Sounds silly, but it has been thought previously, that people get depressed because they have the time to get depressed. Which is interesting. I am a person who has suffered from depression, to the stage that suicide was considered. Why did I feel like that? Because I put overwhelming pressure on myself, and felt lonely. Loneliness was brought on because I lived in a big city on my own, with noone to talk to. I only had my thoughts, and this gave me time to get depressed.

Also, the developed world also has a way of looking down on people who believe in themselves and get things done. How many kids get bullied for simply doing their homework and behaving well? So, if this is mentality kids are growing into, where the underachiever is the best, then is it a wonder people have low self worth. This could also lead into a bad work ethic, where people are lethargic, which leads to poor satisfaction of life and depression. And when you get into the deep, dark hole of depression, it is hard to escape.

Give yourself more to do, you will have less time to be depressed. Don’t lessen the value of hardwork, as that spreads your depression on to others. This may not make a lot of sense, but it was in my head.

 

The Excited Road of Progress

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Overselling it a little?

Yes, probably. I am really into trying to make myself a better artist at the moment. I am hoping to do this through various avenues, such as designing more things, and being more active on blogs again.

It isn’t just writing entries and articles, which is going to make me a better artist, it is more showing my work. I will look at noting my progress, and what I do, as I aim to make myself more creative and make Riot Graphics a viable business. A lot of the parts of this plan are hard, as it includes ideas such as web design, which are things that I have neglected for many months.

So lots of practice needed, but I am happy to be going to try and get better. The idea that I want to get more active, also shows that I have passed a brick wall, which had stopped me for so many months. I hope I have the drive, as I aim to make myself better both at Graphics work, and at my day job, at a call centre. I think that it will take more than crossing fingers and praying. I have needed to get my head sorted for a long time, and hopefully I have turned a corner, and will be my own future.

Being Inventive

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

The one thing that I have noticed, is that as a freelancer, or someone who tries to freelance, when you don’t get work, it is hard to keep busy. I don’t know if this has been a problem over the last few months. If I get no interest, I take it personal, because my work is such a personal thing to me. So, when I get no work, I feel like it!s because I have done something wrong. I haven’t, but the easiest way to get past these feelings, is to ignore the issue completely. Which I have done.

But I can’t carry on like this. So, I have been writing down ideas of personal projects, that I can take on, to help improve my activity levels. Hopefully, it will also make me feel better about myself and about my work. I always feel better when I am doing things, be it blogging or painting. Because I am using my time more productive, I hope that the positive change of my thoughts, will open the door to more possibilities.

That’s the PMA way of thinking, anyway. That if you experience more opportunities, then more opportunities will come your way. Or that’s the idea, anyway. I have a few ideas I am thinking of, so we’ll see what happens.

Failure

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Well, the last few months have been rather fail, in that I don’t seem to have blogged at all. Well, that is lies. I have blogged, just not very consistently.

As I have mentioned before I usually blog when I am feeling low. I guess it I a bit of a cliche of a person complaining about lack inspiration, when their satisfaction of life improves. The new task for myself is trying to balance these two things. Using blogging to relax some of the strain is great, it’s just makes it hard, when there is no strain to release.

But, I am going to persevere. I have been doing a lot of sketching recently, and that is awesome. It is something that I stopped for a while, but have really enjoyed getting back into. It also feels awesome, knowing that I have gotten over a creative block, which has plagued me for months. I am hoping that will rub off on my activity on the blogosphere. I mean I am even recording vlogs again. That is something.