Author: Sue

I have been writing in various forms since I was a child. I write about what is going on in my life, what I enjoy, and the struggles of dealing with chronic illness and mental health issues. I love live music, football (Scotland and Dunfermline Athletic), reading, Formula 1, Stock Cars, and eating lots of vegan crap.

Converse Well?

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What do you notice most everyday? Is it the weather? What you had for dinner? What outfit you wore to work? Do you remember the person who served you when you bought your morning coffee? Did you say thank you, or are they lost in your mind, destined to never see the light of day again?

I ask because as someone who has worked in customer services since I was 16, I have always found conversation important. Of how a little bit if effort to wish your bus driver a nice day, could make him smile and want to be nicer to other passengers. Positivity is a chain reaction, once you feel it, you can pass it on to others. It is contagious. And when you feel happy, everything that you have to deal with is a lot easier.

So why does that bring in conversation? Well, I work in a call centre, where conversations are of obvious importance. Sometimes, due to the environment, it is easy to become caught up in the business of targets and such, so that conversations don’t become the focus. Well, in my bid of being more positive, I decided to work on building a better conversation with my customer. And over the last few days, I focused on the call and the customer, and it made me feel good because the customer could see the difference. Feeling like you have helped someone, is a big personal boost, and that makes things bearable.

The biggest way to change things, is to treat everyone in your life the way you expect to be treated. Converse with people to treat the situation with a positive outlook. Try it and see what happens. It makes work better and life easier. As they say, if you open the door for positive thinking, more positive opportunity will find you.

I hope this makes sense. I am always quick to complain when life is poor, but being positive is not something I do normally. So this new thing is helping
me change some habits and hopefully change my life for the better.

Start All Over Again

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So it’s Tuesday. The start of another week for me. And, I have to say that I am pretty enthusiastic about it.

Why are you not being faced with my usual grumbles, I hear you ask. I guess it’s because I feel good. That’s it really. Just that I feel like I am achieving something good and worthwhile. It is unusual for me, so I feel I should let the world know. I decided last week that I was going to use the next 12 weeks (now 11) to make a positive change on my life.

I am hoping to use the period to do things that I have been meaning to do for a while, such as buy glasses, renew my drivers license, etc. I have taken to writing a ‘to do’ list, and having a copy on my phone, so I can work through what I need or want to do for that day. It seems a good idea, and really helped me get prepared for the day today.

So, readers, do you have any methods that help you get tasks done?

Considering Worth

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I am one of the many people who has grown up with a low sense of self-worth. It is a creation for the over indulged masses, whose thoughts and feelings are considered more valuable than any physical work they can do.

After thinking about it, this something that is created by people who simply are not busy enough. It is hard to think self-indulgently if you have to work manual labour all day, every day. But people in developed countries, rarely work such demanding jobs, so their energy goes into analyzing their dreams and various other pieces of tedium. It is not to disrespect those who feel depression and over analyse things, but it does bear thinking if they would still behave in those manners if they were worked harder.

Sounds silly, but it has been thought previously, that people get depressed because they have the time to get depressed. Which is interesting. I am a person who has suffered from depression, to the stage that suicide was considered. Why did I feel like that? Because I put overwhelming pressure on myself, and felt lonely. Loneliness was brought on because I lived in a big city on my own, with noone to talk to. I only had my thoughts, and this gave me time to get depressed.

Also, the developed world also has a way of looking down on people who believe in themselves and get things done. How many kids get bullied for simply doing their homework and behaving well? So, if this is mentality kids are growing into, where the underachiever is the best, then is it a wonder people have low self worth. This could also lead into a bad work ethic, where people are lethargic, which leads to poor satisfaction of life and depression. And when you get into the deep, dark hole of depression, it is hard to escape.

Give yourself more to do, you will have less time to be depressed. Don’t lessen the value of hardwork, as that spreads your depression on to others. This may not make a lot of sense, but it was in my head.

 

The Excited Road of Progress

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Overselling it a little?

Yes, probably. I am really into trying to make myself a better artist at the moment. I am hoping to do this through various avenues, such as designing more things, and being more active on blogs again.

It isn’t just writing entries and articles, which is going to make me a better artist, it is more showing my work. I will look at noting my progress, and what I do, as I aim to make myself more creative and make Riot Graphics a viable business. A lot of the parts of this plan are hard, as it includes ideas such as web design, which are things that I have neglected for many months.

So lots of practice needed, but I am happy to be going to try and get better. The idea that I want to get more active, also shows that I have passed a brick wall, which had stopped me for so many months. I hope I have the drive, as I aim to make myself better both at Graphics work, and at my day job, at a call centre. I think that it will take more than crossing fingers and praying. I have needed to get my head sorted for a long time, and hopefully I have turned a corner, and will be my own future.

Being Inventive

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The one thing that I have noticed, is that as a freelancer, or someone who tries to freelance, when you don’t get work, it is hard to keep busy. I don’t know if this has been a problem over the last few months. If I get no interest, I take it personal, because my work is such a personal thing to me. So, when I get no work, I feel like it!s because I have done something wrong. I haven’t, but the easiest way to get past these feelings, is to ignore the issue completely. Which I have done.

But I can’t carry on like this. So, I have been writing down ideas of personal projects, that I can take on, to help improve my activity levels. Hopefully, it will also make me feel better about myself and about my work. I always feel better when I am doing things, be it blogging or painting. Because I am using my time more productive, I hope that the positive change of my thoughts, will open the door to more possibilities.

That’s the PMA way of thinking, anyway. That if you experience more opportunities, then more opportunities will come your way. Or that’s the idea, anyway. I have a few ideas I am thinking of, so we’ll see what happens.

Failure

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Well, the last few months have been rather fail, in that I don’t seem to have blogged at all. Well, that is lies. I have blogged, just not very consistently.

As I have mentioned before I usually blog when I am feeling low. I guess it I a bit of a cliche of a person complaining about lack inspiration, when their satisfaction of life improves. The new task for myself is trying to balance these two things. Using blogging to relax some of the strain is great, it’s just makes it hard, when there is no strain to release.

But, I am going to persevere. I have been doing a lot of sketching recently, and that is awesome. It is something that I stopped for a while, but have really enjoyed getting back into. It also feels awesome, knowing that I have gotten over a creative block, which has plagued me for months. I am hoping that will rub off on my activity on the blogosphere. I mean I am even recording vlogs again. That is something.

Feelings Are Unpredictible

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Sometimes I am so happy at the smallest thing. Like I will laugh uncontrollably at something which isn’t funny at all. But I also have the tendency to cry without warning. It’s not something I dwell on too much any more. I used to analyse how I felt about things. It always ended up making me feel bad, because I never had any valid reason for feeling sad, so I would beat myself up over it.

It probably isn’t as strange as I think. Because everyone has up and down days, it’s just how you cope with these ups and downs. It is not something that everyone is born with, it takes time for you to learn to give yourself a break. It is hard, because people tend to try to think of things logically, and sometimes our emotional state does not work very well with logic. Basing logic on something which is ever changing, leads to over analysing of things.

It used to get me down that I had bad days for no reason. I tried to think of a reason, which lead me to getting worked up and lost about why I felt like that. But, I got to a stage where I accepted the bad days. And slowly, I noticed more happy days. This may have happened because l stopped dwelling on the sad, and opened me up to the better times. This was a turning point, and took a long way to get there. I just had to learn that it’s okay to have bad days, and they are only there so we can judge what are good days.

That Saturday Feeling

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It is the weekend, stereotypically the few days in the week, where a person can relax. Where you no longer have to associate with people that you are forced to spend time with during the week. Your time is your own. Or so we believe.

The idea of a weekend is getting more of an ideal, a concept, in that it isn’t as freeing as we are lead to believe. The majority of jobs in modern society do not stick to the traditional working week, so you no longer get the sense that the weekend is sacred. Which is not a good thing. What ever your job, people need time to log off and relax, something that in our busy lives it gets harder and harder to do.

I guess, that people have to make a bigger effort to make sure that they don’t waste their time off. So people play sports, go shopping or just spend time with loved ones. It helps if you do something that you enjoy, or with someone you like. I’ve found that If you have something to look forward to, on your time off, then it can make an unbearable working week seem a lot better.

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These last few blog posts may have come off as preachy, but I like to think of them as advice. I know that when I have had difficult times on the past, blogs giving advice has helped me. So in the hope that one person can make sense of my ramblings, I post these entries.

Look To The Other Side

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How many times have you acted without thinking about anyone but yourself? Be honest with yourself. People act without thought several times everyday. This is not meaning to disrespect anyone, or to make anyone feel guilty. It is just trying to get people to acknowledge that we are all selfish, more frequently that we’d dare to admit.

I was watching this new programme tonight called Prisioners’ Wives, created by the BBC, focusing on women whose spouses had been locked up. The episode centres around Gemma, a young twentysomething who is happily married and 6 months pregnant. It falls apart when her husband, Steve, is arrested for murder and Gemma’s life is placed into turmoil. To the the police who speak to her like a criminal, to her work where she may lose her job, everything quickly becomes a mess. It focuses on what the criminal leaves  behind.

Now whilst, it may seem that I am refering to the criminal, not thinking about his wife when he commits crimes, but I am mostly thinking of other people. You can feel the nerves as Gemma feels people judging her on what her husband has done. And it is realising that you will NEVER know what a person is like 100%, and doing so shakes the very foundations of everything you believe in.

It’s the fact that people automatically tag you as ‘bad’, despite never doing anything illegal, and being as innocent as any victim. But yet, people outside judge a person as good or bad dependant on circumstances thrown at them, which is none of their doing. It should be the dury that judges a person, not the press or public. But yet, the innocent family of a criminal, gets subjected to public scrutiny and the ruthless press, who all need to quench their thirst on breaking stories, no matter who it hurts.

It is easy to say that you would never treat a person with us much contempt as what any prisioner’s wife may experience, but it doesn’t need to be that severe. It could be an old woman that you push pass to get on the bus, that ruins her day. It could be the kid who is called fat, when he is trying to exercise. It is the person you said you’d help, but forgot about the next day. Everyone is guilty of hurting others, no matter how accidental it is.

All that is needed is thought. Think about how you would want to be treated, if you found yourself in the shoes of anyone you deal with. Would you want to be shouted at over the phone, as you try to help a customer? Would you want to be shoved aside, when you are struggling to walk as it is? Would you like to be picked out for every insecurity you have? It happens every day, to every person. If you took a second, and treated people with a bit more kindness, you will make a difference. And that difference will come back to you, as good-will is contagious.

Shouting Out To Echoes

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It doesn’t take much delving into my online life, to realise that I use the internet and social media a lot. I put a lot of ‘myself’ out there for people to see. Whilst this may be an over-exaggeration of some of my qualities, it is not as true to myself as it is sometimes made out.

I like to have a level of privacy about my life, despite the fact that I share it online, via various services. I have things that I have no problems with sharing because it is mostly just whining about something of no real importance. But, sometimes I think about it, and I am not really sharing. Whilst some of the input garners a reaction from maybe 2 or 3 readers, the majority of people who see what I read, just ignore it. And, it makes me wonder why I do focus on making input on a regular basis, if it is just to be ignored. If I post something big an emotional, and instead of the help I crave, the only vision I have is of tumbleweed blowing across the webpage. I think that is why I don’t post too much truthful aspects of my life, because I am not like that. Ironically I am quite introverted in nature, and have always been really shy. So the idea that some stranger knows the inner workings of my mind, kind of freaks me out.

I suppose, as much as I do things like blogging as a form of expression for myself, there is always the need for it to connect with someone. To get a response from someone who feels in  the same situation as I am in. It is not something that happens very often. But when it does happen, when I get a comment or email for someone who agrees with what I say, it feels great. It feels that my tendency for over-sharing has some kind of purpose. And it means a lot, that someone could not only be bothered to read the trash I write about, but they bothered enough to comment.

I guess, no matter how much I pretend this is ‘just for me’, it is always nice to feel get a shout back from the abyss of the internet.