Decreasing Personal Suck

July 20, 2014 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I am sore, in bed and in need of a distraction. And this rambling blog shall be the the task with the duty of giving me something to think about, other than my body wanting to hurt despite all the painkillers I have fed it. *rage* But I am trying to keep upbeat. It isn’t working very well, as you may see.

I am looking to try and change my life for the better. I am very lazy, and don’t do a lot of what I set out to do. I am also very good at complaining about how I never get anything done, despite there being nothing to actually stop me. It’s a very un-productive state I get into, because it just puts me down the ‘shame spiral’ where I belittle myself for not doing anything. And because it is some thing that makes me feel bad about myself, I really need to stop it. I need to stop being so harsh on myself when things don’t go the way I want it to. But that will take time.

I am doing it bit by bit. I have things that I want to do. Things that I want to do to make me better, as a person. I am not saying I am a bad person, but I know that I need to do things to make myself more reliable and such. I have already started, and have bought a diary to try and keep track of everything I need to do. This diary, is going to live in my bag, and go everywhere. I really need to stick to my guns a lot more, and this diary will help me do that. Even if I have to resort to writing little lists on pages, because lists are something that genuinely helps get me motivated to do something.

I am also going to try and sort my nasty eating habits out. Constant take-aways and fizzy juice are good for noone. Yes, have them occassionally, but a person shouldn’t live of these things, as they can seriously effect your mood. Or, they effect my mood. Particularly with Diet Coke, I crave the stuff, and actually go in a bad mood if I can’t actually have some. It’s crazy. But, I do know that if I cut things out completely, I end up failing straight away, and think ‘what’s the point’. I also chose to be a vegetarian a few years back, but have since had periods where I have eaten meat. And it was ethical reasons, so I just made myself feel guilty, and it became another reason to be down on myself.

So tomorrow (Monday) I am starting afresh. One meal, one day at a time. And hopefully, I can get motivated towards my other goals, like being more creative and going to the gym. Just need focus.

‘Too Much For A Girl’

July 15, 2014 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I have previously posted what it means to do things ‘like a girl’ and it how it seems to mean that something is done poorly. That shouldn’t be the case, because women can do anything just as well as a man.

I was recently handling heavy items, which were mostly lawnmowers, cabinets and TVs. The consensus was that girls should have to life these heavy items, because men can do it better. I was kind of taken aback, I’ve always felt that what a person can and cannot do is decided by the person not themselves, not what sex they are.

If you have never lifted heavy things before, it is hard. Doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do it. It means you work at it, and it becomes easier. The same as anything else in life. Don’t make feeble excuses that have been programmed into you by society. Have belief that you can do anything, because you can.

#LikeAGirl

June 30, 2014 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

It’s not very often I will ask someone to watch an advert, just because of the content, but today I am. Always have made a video below that I think you should check out.

The sentiment of doing things ‘like a girl’ has always been used as derogatory, to me anyway. This is something that makes young girls hate themselves well into their adult life. And it is unfair, that one word should be used so negatively. And that one word is there to describe so many people. I think it comes from the idea, where negativity was used to drive people. So certain words were used as insults, as a way to motivate or make some people feel better than others.

But why should doing something ‘like a girl’ be a bad thing. I was born a girl, why should I be shamed that who I am is a bad thing. When I was at school, particularly in sport, if you did something ‘like a girl’, it was done poorly, and not right. To tell young girls that they are poor, just because of who they are, is a terrible thing. But it extends past that. Negative connotations are put on to feminine words and attributes as if they are less important than more masculine ones. This isn’t true. This is what centuries of patriarchy have done, where women were nothing more than birthers and skivies, where the men ran things.

And even now, in 2014, there are major problems with how women are treated by society. And with being dismissed from youth, a lot of women do not have the self belief to stand up and try to make a change. Every woman I know has had some form of assault made towards them, for no reason other than walking down a street. Where if out in a club, a man doesn’t take ‘I am a lesbian’ as an answer, and forces himself onto a woman not interested. She is painted as a slut, as boys will be boys.

It’s time to change how the world thinks, and start with taking back ‘like a girl’. I do everything like a girl, because I am one. I am a fighter, and I will fight so that every woman can feel strong and no longer feel less because of what sex they are. This video is a start, a start to make it so no girls lose their confidence during puberty. To start saying that if you do something ‘like a girl’, it is doing something as much as possible, and pass message on to every person, young and old.

Time for change.

Hello

June 18, 2014June 18, 2014 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Bad Sue hasn’t been updating again. Sorry about that. I just haven’t had the motivation. The day job has left me so jiggered, that bar live tweeting the World Cup, I haven’t really been online. Sometimes a break is good for people. Particularly with the internet, as it is very easy to become too wrapped up in the bullshit that is on it.

So I think a break was good. To gather my thoughts, and focus on other things for a change. It’s been a very social few weeks, which has been nice. I am the type of girl who loves to sit and relax on my own. I can sometimes get worked up if things become a bit stressful, and I panic over nothing. It’s how I am, and in learning how to deal with it I am learning not to feel ashamed if I can’t write a blog. Because I do feel ashamed, like I am a failure. Trying to change that, by taking it one day at a time.

I am enjoying the nice weather, summer has landed. Going to start taking sun lotion to work with me, because it is boiling when I finish. It feels strange, but a good strange. Waiting for a bus is so much more bearable when you are sitting on the grass with an ice lolly. The best way to wind down after a tough day at work. 🙂

It’s The Little Things

June 3, 2014 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Sometimes I get so amused by the most stupid things in life. The meerkats on the TV adverts, cat videos on YouTube and bad jokes. This is something most kids have, but lose as they get older. As if maturity supposedly means that our sense of humour has to change. You can be an adult and still find fart jokes funny.

I think that being too serious can make life boring. Sometimes you need to laugh at nothing, just because you feel like it. To restrict yourself from that because you feel like you are not supposed to, seems a bit off to me. A laugh makes you feel better. A laugh can be contagious. A laugh makes you happy. A laugh can then make others feel happier. It can turn a bad day into a good day. It is certainly something that is under-estimated. Life is hard enough without people refusing to enjoy it.

The picture above is two snails I found on my window. It is the season that snails are everywhere, and they do seem to like climbing up windows. This is something that made me giggle because it looks like they are flying. It’s little stuff like that, which makes me happy. So I try to find little funny things every day to make life a wee bit more bearable. If you have had a bad day, a wee giggle about something daft really does make it all seem a bit better.

Documenting Life?

June 2, 2014 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I love capturing what is happening around me. Whether it is drawing a picture, writing things down or taking a photo, it is important for me to document it. Always has been.

Some people seem to think that by documenting every little detail, you can miss out on the simple things in life. Which I guess can be true, in some ways. But I feel like it is more me appreciating the different ways of looking at every day. Even the boring days have their moments where I might think about something, or see something that interests me. I find it really releasing to write down or draw when I feel bad.

I think it is very important that if you decide to document your life using avenues, such as blogging, that you don’t share every little thing. It is important to share my thoughts and experiences rather than the details. Like, a lot of people I know, will gladly spend time with me, but don’t want their life shared with people they don’t know. And as well as that, a lot of people don’t feel comfortable seeing or reading things that are super personal. I don’t think that you need to share EVERYTHING to document things.

I guess I find it hard to explain how I can spend so much time sharing online, without telling absolutely everything to people. But it comes natural to me, I have so many ways to document how I feel and what I experience, I am in the habit of focusing on different things. Like this blog is general pondering, Livejournal is more of what I have been up to and Tumblr is just things I find funny or enjoy. And I like having that separation. I find that it helps me organise my mind better.

Dear Younger Self

June 1, 2014 ~ Sue ~ 2 Comments

It doesn’t matter whether some person you don’t know doesn’t like you. It doesn’t matter what they think of you, or call you when they think your back is turned. You don’t need to waste sleepless nights on people that won’t give you a second thought. Try and associate with people who like you for you, and won’t berate you to others.

Life is a bit bumpy. It is for everyone, it’s just that the bumps can be different dependent on the person. It is okay to realise that these ‘bumps’ are too big for you to deal with and you need a little help. And when you ask, you’ll find out that those around you are struggling too. By reaching out, you will make friendships stronger, rather than pushing folk away, like I know you want to. Hiding might seem easier, but it always makes problems so much worse. Asking for help is nothing to be afraid of, and there are so many things in place to help make things better to cope. You are not weak for needing assistance because you can’t deal, so go and get some.

The careers in animal care and graphic design, don’t really go to plan. Which is sad, but you kept your head up, and that is great. Not everyone gets an attempt at trying what they want to do from childhood, and you did. Okay, it didn’t go your way, but you learned from it and moved on. That takes guts and determination. Never ever lose that. It is something that most people lose as they get older. Everyone has to try new things, no matter their age, and try to follow it through as far as you can. The end result is not what matters when you remember the journey so fondly. Go you!

Just remember to always have faith in yourself, fight for what you believe in and never change for someone else. You have a lot more than you’d think.

Love Sue

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This was an extract written in one of my old journals. I thought it was a nice idea, particularly that it is a rare thing I write about myself focusing on postive things. It was a challenge I saw on some program, where if you cheer for yourself, you can feel better. And it helped me feel awesome when I wrote it, and typing it into this blog post also made me feel better. It is a tricky thing to d0, but it does help when you feel a bit low. Give it a try.

Happy List

May 20, 2014 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I haven’t been posting the last week or so, because I have been struggling to come up with anything constructive. I have had a few really bad anxiety days, and haven’t been able to focus on anything but that. So, in a bid to distract myself, I thought a little list of things that have made me happy over this last week. A bit of a reminder that life isn’t all bad.

-Music has helped me relax. There was a stage where I believed music was everything, but it isn’t. It just helps block out the bad thoughts and the irritants around me. It helps me focus on what I need to do for myself, which is what I need to do. Because it feels like noone else gives a shit about what happens to me, so I’d better start.

-Going for walks. I am rather lucky that I live in a place where I can walk through towns, forests or through towns. I find walking super relaxing and chills me out a lot. I can do a lot of thinking, and it is super good for my health. I don’t do enough for my health really.

-The weather has been pretty awesome. I am not a person who loves the heat, but the fact that it has been dry is enough to put me in a kick ass mood. The fact that the sun has been out when I go and finish work has had such an impact on my mood. Because I think that it is a little depressing when it feels you miss the whole world. And when the days are longer, it makes you feel like there is more going on for longer. Sounds daft, but it’s true.

-Working hard helps me forget my problems sometimes. It can be super busy at work sometimes, and because you are physically moving all day, it can help forget worries. But you have to be able to let yourself become absorbed by what your doing, which can be hard when your brain is going a million miles an hour.

-Having a strong sense of who I am, and the person I want to be. The last week or so, several people have attacked me personally, for how I act or what I believe in. I have been called a tease because I told a guy I was gay, and didn’t to go home with him. I have been called a bitch because I am offended when some of my so called friends told me I over-reacted. If I was drunker, that man could have taken me home with him for god knows what, despite me saying I am gay. That is disgusting. I didn’t do anything wrong, and am confident enough to know that, to know that society is wrong. They make excuses time and time again for men who think it is their right to have sex with whatever women they chose. I am proud that I stood up for myself, no matter how horrible I felt.

The Sea Air

May 13, 2014May 12, 2014 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I love the sea air, I love walking on the beach. It is relaxing. The sound of the waves crashing is the only sound as you feel your troubles melt away. It is a luxury that not everyone has, or takes. But everyone should. Enjoy your local surroundings, and relax.

IMG_0291[1] — +Forth Rail Bridge, North Queensferry+

Expectations?

May 12, 2014 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

When I tell people I like to blog a lot some have asked me about ‘outfits of the day’. I am gathering this is such a ‘hot topic’ because it seems like every female blogger talks about fashion and what they are wearing. Which is fine, but I feel that it has been expected for every female to run their blog like a fashion blog. That isn’t true, and shouldn’t be.

Everyone is different and if they run a blog, they should do so because it matters to them. There is no point trying to force something just because it is on trend. Yes, it could garner attention for a blog, but the chance of the blog being updated when it isn’t about something of interest is not likely. It sucks the fun right out of something, if someone is forced to talk about something they have no interest in.

Fashion is very popular for a reason, it is a good way to express yourself, I get it. I just have never focused on fashion. I dress to be comfortable, and that is pretty much jeans and a t-shirt. And I don’t see the big deal. I don’t wear make-up, I don’t buy much clothes, i don’t get my nails done… I just don’t subscribe to the ‘beauty lifestyle’. I never have. I have been a tomboy my whole life, and I don’t see that changing. I believe in substance over style. Not that there is anything wrong with being into fashion and things. I just express myself in different ways.