Dropping Things Instead of Juggling Them

So, things kind of got worse before they got any better. On Tuesday, I had a complete meltdown over my University work. It just felt like everything that I was attempting to do, was useless. I am currently studying database management using SQL, and I just seem to have a complete incapacity to preform anything to do with it. I was so frustrated that I just wanted to erase everything and start again. Which, is something that ends up being more hinderance than a help.

I did manage to email my Tutor, after being too embarssed to post anything on the class forum. Which was something I pondered on for a while. I always feel embarrassed when I struggle to do something. I have this idea where ‘everyone else’ is managing things fine, and I am the only one who is stupid enough to be struggling. Logically, I know that this line of thinking is just unreasonable and incorrect, but when one is panicking, logic isn’t a factor. Fortunately, my Tutor emailed me back, and informed me that I wasn’t the only person struggling with the SQL part of the process. Which was a relief.

I am now taking my time going through things, and trying to get stuff to function properly. Doing it in hourly sessions at a time, because I find that helps my productivity most. That way, if I am struggling, I can just stop, and I can always go back after a break. That is why I am writing this post. Maybe delaying the inevitable of having to do something difficult. But circumstances aside, it is always good to write something.

I think I often underestimate how much work it is to work full-time, as well as study. Because, you need to put time in to recover. You need to have time for hobbies and interests. You need to have time to socialise with people. And then you need to do the functional stuff like eat, sleep, do housework, and other boring, but essential stuff. It feels like there isn’t enough hours in a day to fit everything in. Which can feel worse when I am faced with fatigue, which is a common symptom of Rheumatoid Arthritis. Something that is causing me awful bother at the moment, but that is a story for another day.