I had all these plans that I was going to do tonight once I had finished work. I came home, ordered some dinner, and proceeded to do nothing instead. I tell myself that ‘it’s fine’, though I am grateful my to-do list doesn’t have an expiry date. But even if it did, things would probably still not get done.
Procrastination is my best friend, till the things pile up too high, and we fall out. I wonder if it will be old age that ‘gets me’, or will I slip on a rogue sock, collapsing into a pile of belongings that are scattered everywhere. I have this problem, where if I don’t physically see something, I forget it exists. I wear the same 3 or 4 t-shirts, because they are the ones that sit on the top of everything. So if the next time you see me, and I am wearing the same thing as the last time you saw me, it’s probably because I just didn’t tidy it away.
When tidying, I start off so well. I will fill a bag with crap, start a pile of t-shirts and hoodies. Then I find a magazine that I bought 2 months ago, flipped through, and never read properly. So, I sit amongst the mess, having a thorough read, whilst I ask myself whether I needed to buy the magazine in the first place. I should never have bought the magazine, it is boring, it can go to be recycled. Well, it gets added to a bag for recycling, that will probably sit there till the next time I try to tidy up. Because now, I am stuck. I look around at the mess that has somehow got worst in my attempt to tidy up, and I start panicking. Stupid. Useless. The horrible things that come to mind when failure, once again, rears its head.
If you don’t try, you can’t fail. I was working today, it’s a long shift, it’s okay to just relax. There is always tomorrow. I guess I will simply try again then.
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