Age never used to be a thing that bothered me. I have friends both younger and older than me, I try to treat people on how they are, rather than how old they are. I say this in a time where it feels like every other post on social media, or news media, is about pitting the different generations against one another. Like, people in the younger generation didn’t have it as hard as you, so what? Is that not the point, that we are supposed to be bettering society for those who come after us?
Birthdays seem to be a logical place to stop and re-assess where you are in life, and what you want to get out of it. I always feel disappointed about where I am, and what I have achieved. That I haven’t achieved what I had expected, by this point in life. I suppose it doesn’t really matter, but seeing as I am 40 tomorrow, I feel a lot more introspective than normal. Everything, down to the celebration. A night or event to remember. None of that is happening. It’ll be just me, being off work, and trying not to simply spend all my time in my bed. I am recovering from being ill and rundown, so this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
If I was to be honest, I have certainly had a better 30s than my 20s. I struggled a lot in my 20s, really suffered much of the period in a job I hated, and my mental health was at its lowest. I was also discovering who I was, and coming to terms with something like sexuality, can be a challenging time of a person’s life. My 30s, have had me dealing with physical ailments more, but feeling more settled. Yes, my mental health has been crap, but I have felt a bit more settled, in that I know who I am, and the kind of person I want to present to the world. I do find, that I sometimes don’t have the confidence to actually present my true self. Maybe that’s what my 40’s should be about? Giving less of a damn about what people think.
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